Cripplng gambling debt, no idea where to make savings

theoretica

Abandon said:

He has said he will deal with the debt for now but I have to pay him back £300 a month. I'm quite uncomfortable with this.

Looking back at your SOA in the first post I can't see that you have £300 a month to pay him.  As well as being uncomfortable, you don't want to commit to giving anyone money you don't have as that would not be a help and would not get you out of debt.

As a successful businessman is there any coaching you think he could give that might help you find a higher paying job?

IrishSean

I'm going to mix my metaphors here...

There's a potential double edged sword there; if your uncle was willing to pay off your debt (if i'm reading that right) it would buy you breathing space: but your relationship with your uncle doesn't sound great. Whereas he can keep a close eye on your spend, perhaps keeping you from gambling, you don't need the added pressure of that Sword of Damocles hanging over you. If you feel infantilised it means you're giving up your financial freedoms to be controlled by someone else.

It could become very messy, very quickly. 

Maybe take a step back; speak for free to a debt charity (you seem very resistant to this).
Get a plan or range of options in place then go back to your family and say "This is what i've done: this is what i'm going to do". Not in the context of your debt but to improve your relationship with them. Proving to them (i cant remember what all they know) you've signed up to GA and / or Gamstop would be a big step forward too. 

I like the advice part / mentoring. Could he even give you p/t hours to put that ££ towards the debt? Would be a win, win, win situation then...

Sorry to say this but if you're still tempted by gambling you haven't closed off all the doors to it and your problems are guaranteed to get worse. If only i'd stopped at my first £500 loss I wouldn't be on these forums

Willing2Learn

@Abandon

Have you thought of getting therapy to address your current psychological need to gamble?  CBT is proven to be a very effective treatment for problem gamblers.  Maybe you could ask your GP for a referral

LadyGnome

Speak to one of the debt charities listed. Get impartial advice. The advice from your family is focussing on the impact on them not on the impact on you.  Unless you find a way to deal with your relationship with gambling and money then no solution will work in the long run.   Have you ever really had to take responsibility for yourself or has the family always stepped in?

Abandon

Willing2Learn said:

Abandon said:

My uncle is a very successful businessman. He has said he will deal with the debt for now but I have to pay him back £300 a month. I'm quite uncomfortable with this.

What's the oldest account that you have defaulted with? When was that account opened?

Apologies, I forgot to reply to this one. 

The only defaulted one is Wonga and that's gone all quiet. I'm actually (just) making the minimums on the rest. 

Abandon

LadyGnome said:

Speak to one of the debt charities listed. Get impartial advice. The advice from your family is focussing on the impact on them not on the impact on you.  Unless you find a way to deal with your relationship with gambling and money then no solution will work in the long run.   Have you ever really had to take responsibility for yourself or has the family always stepped in?

To be honest I've never really been in trouble before, but my family are close and big decisions are made jointly. 

Abandon

Willing2Learn said:

@Abandon

Have you thought of getting therapy to address your current psychological need to gamble?  CBT is proven to be a very effective treatment for problem gamblers.  Maybe you could ask your GP for a referral

I don't really believe in that stuff. It's up to me to stop, and I will. Having said that I will do a bit of research into it. 

IrishSean

Abandon said:

LadyGnome said:

Speak to one of the debt charities listed. Get impartial advice. The advice from your family is focussing on the impact on them not on the impact on you.  Unless you find a way to deal with your relationship with gambling and money then no solution will work in the long run.   Have you ever really had to take responsibility for yourself or has the family always stepped in?

To be honest I've never really been in trouble before, but my family are close and big decisions are made jointly. 

In that case do they know everything about your gambling; the root of the problem? Your access to future gambling? Your recent temptations? Your financial capacity to gamble?

Abandon said:

Willing2Learn said:

@Abandon

Have you thought of getting therapy to address your current psychological need to gamble?  CBT is proven to be a very effective treatment for problem gamblers.  Maybe you could ask your GP for a referral

I don't really believe in that stuff. It's up to me to stop, and I will. Having said that I will do a bit of research into it. 

Gambling has had a profound impact on your life and finances; you need to ask yourself how commited you are to really quitting. If you do ask your GP for support or sign up for GA you make the road to recovery more real. Can't rebuild the house til you put the fire out.

I've a feeling there's this small voice at the back of your head still saying; sort the finances so my repayments are affordable then set some of the paycheque aside to bet 'recreationally'. If I land the big one its problems solved. That's no good, cause you'll lose and start chasing losses and the debt mountain will get bigger.

Willing2Learn

Abandon said:

Willing2Learn said:

Abandon said:

My uncle is a very successful businessman. He has said he will deal with the debt for now but I have to pay him back £300 a month. I'm quite uncomfortable with this.

What's the oldest account that you have defaulted with? When was that account opened?

Apologies, I forgot to reply to this one. 

The only defaulted one is Wonga and that's gone all quiet. I'm actually (just) making the minimums on the rest. 

https://debtcamel.co.uk/payday-loan-refunds/

enthusiasticsaver

Abandon said:

Hi, thanks for asking. I've not gambled although I've been tempted. The lockdown is helping in that regard as there is a lot to bet on! 

As regards the debt, my dad and I have had a major falling out, as he asked his brother (my uncle) to help me, and who went berserk at me for being so frivolous. My uncle is a very successful businessman. He has said he will deal with the debt for now but I have to pay him back £300 a month. I'm quite uncomfortable with this.

My dad also has been reading up on debt and is now worried I get a County Court judgement, that would be too much for my mother to see, none of our family have had as much as a speeding ticket before :-(

I do not really get why you are letting your family get so involved in your finances.  You are an adult.  Stop taking the £250 pocket money from your parents which is treating you like a child and tell your family you are sorting it out yourself.  You do not need to tell them how.  It is none of their business.  You do not sound like a close family.  Your Dad just sounds controlling. I don't think you can afford £300 per month.