Talk me down please 2

thorsoak

I am so glad that you have found the courage to get out and turn your back on this relationship which has proved so poisonous, Melly - I do hope that you burned the email - you know that he won't get help - and you recognise that he is trying to guilt trip you about your beloved pets.   You are getting stronger, slowly - and you will be able to make arrangements about them - have you spoken to any of the local to you animal charities, to see if they can help on a purely temporary basis?    Thinking of you xx

mellymoo74

No space Thorsoak, which is only getting worse after lockdown with normal rescues.

Had a wobble and a down day today expecting more of those to be honest.

ETA - Have been part joking with the friend who has taken me in a about Stockholm Syndrome. Turns out looking at some sites it's a possibility that I am trauma bonded. 

mellymoo74

Got a call this morning organising a support worker. 
I do keep wavering I'm not going back 

mellymoo74

And a nasty email 

thorsoak

Block your emails - send them to the SPAM box.    And stay strong - you're doing well x

mellymoo74

Really doesn't feel like it Thorsoak xx

thorsoak

Look at it this way - you have made a decision - his problems are not your problems - remember what I say to Savvy sewing - his problems are "not your monkeys, not your circus".    You have given the relationship your best - but sadly, your best was not good enough when he didn't give his best.   Gradually this cloud of responsibility will lift from your shoulders.   Once you physically regain your health, you will be able to work again without the cloud of what's happening at home, and financially you will feel better as you have always tried to liaise with everyone about any entitlements, etc.    Then, when you have got a front door of your own, you can concentrate on getting your furry family back together again.    You are getting there.   You've had to reach rock bottom first before you could take that first step, and you are gradually climbing out of that pit.   We are all cheering you on.  xx

mellymoo74

Made me cry Thorsoak. 
Its the panic attacks and the fact I don't know who I am any more xxx

elsien

You've been running on adrenaline and stress for months, if not years melly. Just being out of the situation and having some of that taken off your shoulders is going to cause your emotions to be all over the place. 
You need to give yourself time to recover. And to grieve for the life you hoped for, that you've tried so hard to hang in there for but which just isn't sustainable without losing too much along the way. 
One step at a time, that's all you can do.

thorsoak

Keep telling yourself - you ARE a strong woman, you have survived a violent relationship - both physical and emotional - and that you owe to yourself and your furry family to show him that you are going to make a better life for you and the furries xxxx