Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

beanielou

Blimey.
At least they were very thorough.
Take it easy~~I know that goes against your better nature!!

Savvy_sewing

I did very little and came to bed to read while the boys were settling, which took a few attempts etc but at least I was just popping out of my room instead of up and down the stairs. !
Dgs2 did wake up but I didn't look at the time, I just went back to sleep. He woke about 5.55 this morning, wanted milk so he's not up yet. Although I can hear him he's being quiet. 

Savvy_sewing

I feel as damp hearted as the day today.
cant shake it. 

DS has not ventured back in this direction. So I am going to have to rely on a little help from Dgd to keep an eye on Dgs1 while Dgs2 is still at Nursery so I can do some work. Not that my heart is in it today.
 I have sorted Mums sewing machine, done her shopping. Banked a cheque for her and did both of ours shopping.
only got back in time to put the shopping away before I had to collect DGs1 from school.

Sandwich done.
no more excuses I need to work.

hb2

Savvy, I'm glad that the clinic were so thorough and really hope that the exercises help get your hand less painful. I'm not surprised you don't have much energy/enthusiasm - looking after young children tends to do that!

LadyHarris

Why oh why is your DS still with you? He obviously has a bed elsewhere you said he was too ill to help as he had a migraine the other day i must admit i thought this was maybe not the case but an easy cop out by him did he go to the doctors as you said he had an appointment ? you are enabling him to be Peter Pan he is still letting you DGS1&2 and DGD  and your mum down he knows you are unwell I cannot tell you how angry his behaviour makes me if i lived nearby his clothes etc would be on the drive with a note tied round them I have to say if he is with the girlfriend then shame on her as a mother and as someone who has helped you she knows the score but is allowing him to abuse your hospitality like this . I feel for DGD she is still a child in so many ways it isn't ideal for her to be collecting and minding HIS children . Sorry for the rant I am not telling you off just angry at the situation he has caused again.I hope your day finishes quieter than it has started

thorsoak

Think I would be inclined to agree with Lady Harris and just pack his clothes up for him, so that when he turns up, you can give them to him.   You - and we - know that he cannot be relied upon, and once you know for definite that he isn't coming home, you can get the other arrangements in place for the boys to have stable regular child care whilst you are working.  

pollyanna_26

Is it the masks you're still working on? I honestly believe you've put enough time and effort into those now. No idea if you have other work booked in but you really need to cut yourself a bit of slack Ss. As the only functioning adult around you need to proect both your physical and mental health as much as possible. I know from experience what it's like being the only one keeping all the balls in the air. Thankfully I was younger then and now I just need to concentrate on youngest and her medical needs etc. That's got easier over the years as she's grown into a capable young woman.

Re DS I believe you know what needs to be done so you will be able to sort out a reliable structure in day to day life.

I;ve no idea if the Guardianship allowances etc include provision for childcare by suitable DBT checked people but others here will know if that's so or if  there are extra funds you can claim.

Tbh although it's not what you want even claiming HB etc for a while would give you a chance to put a system in place that will work for you and the GC and would mean you aren't constantly being let down and disappointed. Your son is not going to change and each day that passes brings a heavier load for you.

It's like waiting for Godot. If you're familiar with that remember Godot never came.

You can manage these youngsters and everyday life but until you have a proper reliable structure you're wearing yourself out.

pollyx

KxMx

It's natural you will worry and fret when DS is gone, but it'll be a lot less stress and aggravation than what you have to deal with now. Better for you all.

I believe I posted before that he won't change. So it's down to you to change the situation by asking him to leave. 

thorsoak

KxMx said:

It's natural you will worry and fret when DS is gone, but it'll be a lot less stress and aggravation than what you have to deal with now. Better for you all.

I believe I posted before that he won't change. So it's down to you to change the situation by asking him to leave. 

I disagree - don't ask him - TELL him to leave completely.   It will be better in the long run for you, for DGD and for the two tinies.   It will also be better for DS to realise that the umbilical cord has been cut and the placenta has been removed! 

pollyanna_26

Tell him don't ask was the first thought that came to my mind. Asking for even a simple thing like a cup of tea when ill and thirsty never worked.

As far as I can see there hasn't been a single Ss bashers post here today. I hope you can view the posts as concern for yourself and the DGC Ss.

I'm wondering if thinking back to your struggles to get the help and support for the twins and the fact so little was offered would help focus your thoughts Ss.

You now have dgd who hopefully will be getting the help she needs soon. DGS2 seems ok but you have DGS1 on the Spectrum and needing a very structured pattern in his day to day life. DGD will need to engage and work hard with any help offered so allowing time for some rest and fun having to step in for school drop offs should not be part of her day even on a temporary basis.

By all means she needs to be responsable for keeping her room tidy, orgaining her homework and school stuff when school reopens , bringing her washing downstairs etc and doing a share of the household chores.

Needing to change plans because DS is AWOL once more is not beneficial to any of you. Children will Autism struggle with unexpected change and that little guy had enough messing around from his parents without that becoming a norm.

I honestly believe you have two choices Tell DS to go. he has lacked any insight or empathy with your situation since you both lived in the cottage and he would fail to come home, concentrate only on his wants and needs and as now do his own thing.

All the I love you mums are meaningless as he manipulates you yet again.

The other choice is to give up trying to work for now and do all the school runs etc yourself .

It's possible you could carry on provided you can put the structure in place to ensure someone else is doing school runs etc while you work or do other things like shop visit your mum or have a break and chill for a while.

pollyx