Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

beanielou

Hope you are ok.

hb2

Savvy, sorry to hear about your fall (((hugs)))

Savvy_sewing

I am going to bed. I ended up staying up much later than I meant too.
My patience has finally run out.
i swore at DS and I am fed up of the lack of support from him and both him and DGD being consumed by Xbox.
 Unfortunately it was via text as he was obviously not home! 

I asked for a few jobs and help and I didn't get it.
 I hurt from my fall, and I am so ready to run away. But obviously I cannot and I feel pretty fed up.
Hopefully tomorrow is a new day and I will feel better and back to my old self again or else the air may be blue in very close proximity to me and mine!

essex123456

M - please get some family counselling - the same old patterns keep getting repeated with DS, but maybe its not to late to stop DGD from repeating old patterns as well.  Did you realise that just about every girl who gets offered counselling through the school is self harming? she is so vulnerable - and you are totally deluded if you think she isn't vulnerable.

Savvy_sewing

We are on the list for councilling for her.
 I am worried sick about her mental and physical health. I am talking with her teachers every week (even now) about my concerns. I have raised them with the doctor as well. I am not taking it lightly. I just don't always mention it as my story is about my daily dealings with things not her every problem. That will be her story to tell, or not to tell. But I am grateful for the concern. There is no evidence at the moment of self harming but I am keeping my eyes open. One of my best friends daughter self harms, one of my best friends used to self harm  and the boys mother did. So it is a huge concern to me.
as you can see it's very early morning yet again. Dgs2 has been awake since 5.30
Dgd knocked and came in at 5.40 saying Morning, and then when I said the time she said I have no idea why I am awake and went back to bed!
Something woke me at 3.15 but it wasn't the lad. He slept from about 9.30 last night when he finally settled. If I had gone to bed then I might have had a decent night.
right, I need to face the day with some optimism and crack on, as nobody else is going to be doing things.
First job is being the teasmade forward for a cuppa and get my daily planner out and prioritise what is the most important.
 I have to finish yesterday's scrubs, and start on the next set ordered.
 I have 11 more sets on private order and my deadline is Monday!! 

beanielou

Hope you have a better day today 

elisamoose

SS I know you did not like my previous comments and may have me on ignore but here goes.... do you still have a social worker? If so please engage their help to set up a Family Group conference - google it. 

If you don’t have a social worker then maybe re- refer the family back in.not because you are not coping but because there are warning signs that the family is heading towards not coping.
You mention did being on a list for counselling through school.I know you are based in Northants . You can self refer in to Service six. Apologies if this is what you are waiting for.
with regard to your son with his previous drug use - you can buy simple urine tests from Amazon which I would suggest you ask him to take to put your mind at rest.
I do wish you well

tooldle

Morning, I'm not sure if this is appropriate in the circumstances. I remember you did mention that support would be on hand to step in and look after the boys should you be unwell or in some other way unable to function. Might this be an option to give some space in which to recover from your accident?

Savvy_sewing

The support unfortunately is not forthcoming because the other side of the boys family have distanced themselves and have not had the boys since early March.
 I am going to have a talk with DS today and tell him again what I expect etc.
 If he doesn't like it I think I am ready to tell him he has to go as soon as restrictions are lifted.
dgd has walked to school with me, so we are starting to chat a bit more easily. But I am under no illusions at the moment.
we are waiting for the school and CAMHS and or who ever else the doctor referred us to, but obviously with social distancing that is delaying it even further.
 I am going to take the day slower today, as I am well aware that I need to regroup. 

I think I would probably be better off if it was just me and the children. At least I would know where I was, and wouldn't be undermined.
after the pandemic is over I will look into getting help with the gardening, and possibly with housework again. I am also considering how to restructure my business to fit my work life balance better.
one step at a time today. 

thorsoak

Sounds as if you are coming to the right conclusions, Ss - I do think that this is the time that DS has to be cut loose - you've hauled him in far too many times, and now he really has to swim by himself - without him, I do think that the boys will become far more calm - and without his influence - albeit unconscious - that GDG might start to improve.   I'm not blaming him for GDG, poor girl is (1) going through puberty/adolescence - the worst time for any girl in any circumstances (2) bullying from school adn (3)  poor self-esteem.   Once you can work on the self-esteem bit from outside it might help a bit, even before she gets the outside help that she needs.    On the work front, try to extend the deadlines, so that you have a little less pressure on yourself - and its really a good idea to get outside help with housework and gardening - you will feel so much better then - even if it means that not so much goes into the savings, it is important that you all think that your home is calm, comfortable and welcoming - and if you have to pay someone to do some of it, then it is money well-spent if you can look in each room with a smile rather than a sigh.   You cannot work for 24/7.   x