Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Buffythedebtslayer

Four_Seasons said:

Hope you have a good week Buffy and things start to get better. sending hugs and lots of luck x

Thank you XX so far Monday was............reasonable XX 

Buffythedebtslayer

[Deleted User] said:

Hope things are better this week Bufster.  Can you maybe print out some pictures of flats/houses you like and put them on the walls/around your room to give you some more motivation?? You could also draw a floorplan or something and plot your furniture and again, put on the wall.  I wish I could do this with pictures of thin people for what I'd call "thinspiration" but it doesn't seem to stop me going to the chocolate cupboard (yes, we do have a dedicated cupboard for chocolate)

I may or may not have a word document saved on my computer. pretty houses.........Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Jellytotts said:

I hadn't realised the original plan was for her to move to your sisters, that really does suck for all of you.

So hard if she won't talk about the future too, why are our parents so hard to deal with about this sort of thing!? 

I totally get that she will have to cope and I really admire you for saying it.  There's only so much you can do and give.  

Fingers crossed you can find something in your budget soon, prices here seem to have stabilised, not sure if they'll pick upon spring as normal because so many people just can't afford to move up.  

It is fairly sucky. And I wish I knew why parents were like this. I suppose really they are just being normal adults who want to do things their way but it makes it really hard. 
Thanks Jellytotts XX 

beanielou

Buffythedebtslayer said:

[Deleted User] said:

Hope things are better this week Bufster.  Can you maybe print out some pictures of flats/houses you like and put them on the walls/around your room to give you some more motivation?? You could also draw a floorplan or something and plot your furniture and again, put on the wall.  I wish I could do this with pictures of thin people for what I'd call "thinspiration" but it doesn't seem to stop me going to the chocolate cupboard (yes, we do have a dedicated cupboard for chocolate)

I may or may not have a word document saved on my computer. pretty houses.........Xx

& mansions...........xx

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

[Deleted User] said:

Hope things are better this week Bufster.  Can you maybe print out some pictures of flats/houses you like and put them on the walls/around your room to give you some more motivation?? You could also draw a floorplan or something and plot your furniture and again, put on the wall.  I wish I could do this with pictures of thin people for what I'd call "thinspiration" but it doesn't seem to stop me going to the chocolate cupboard (yes, we do have a dedicated cupboard for chocolate)

I may or may not have a word document saved on my computer. pretty houses.........Xx

& mansions...........xx

Yep! those too!! 

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok so the last two days have been very hard. 
Mum is so sad and in so much pain, it is really difficult to watch her. I need to get a doctors appointment again. The death of captain Tom really shocked me, he became quite important to me, I found him very inspiring. He did give me hope and I don't like to write things like this down ! but I really feel so worried about the virus. And the idea it could take him just knocked me - I know he was 100 and was vulnerable  and so it shouldn't be a surprise but it was. That was why I ended in Morrisons and spent 11.00 quid on house plants. 
Moving on........I didn't spend any money today! Work SUCKS. It is just so hard to keep up and to produce good lessons. I have over 700 emails....Mostly they will be for work I will have marked but the drag of constantly going through them is crazy. I am longing for the weekend and to go to the tip so I can move on with stuff. So much needs to be done. Luckily most of it is free! 
I have kept up with my French and my walking. The dishwasher is fixed. Actually is it? Did I put it on.......?
XX 

[Deleted User]

Oh hun.  This virus absolutely SUCKS.  And yes, I hear you about being upset about Captain Tom - it makes the world seem very unfair (and makes me realise why I don't believe in god) when someone who has raised so much to help in the fight against the virus then dies from it - I think, how on earth can there be a god - and if there is, why on earth does god think that is acceptable?!  

Really sorry to hear about your mum also.  I've not kept up with your diary but is there anything which can be done?!

I think re work (again, not knowing the full story), that all you can do is what you can do.  Everyone is struggling at present in different measure so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.  

Hope you can manage to get a good night's sleep x

beanielou

Keep plodding xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

I have come to the conclusion that I have nothing to look forward to at all. No romance, no exciting money possibilities, not much chance of owning a house. or indeed a flat in say the next six months. I get that a lot of people don't and that I am very fortunate, especially at the moment. 
But I don't feel it tonight. I am lonely and feel quite hopeless. It is one year since my friend died this weekend. We won't ever know when she died as there was never any inquest but they estimated she was found 3 days after she had gone. Her family didn't care and erased her online presence almost entirely, that is painful since that was how most of us knew and loved her through the internet for over 20 years. She was in essence a reclusive writer. Her family burned all her writings. There was no Funeral and her ashes which were finally delivered to me almost 4 months after her death now sit on top of my book shelf in my bedroom. As yet un scattered due to covid. It was such an awful experience and whilst I believe she is at peace and united with her parents I feel very sad about this side of things. 
It was certainly the wrong day to attempt to organise the shed. I think I have said before that Kon Marie throws up feelings. I wasn't up for them today. I need a good cry but have no privacy. 
I think I shall enjoy Death in Paradise and a creme egg or maybe a magum. See I am fortunate. 

NorthernSoulSouthernLife

Huge hugs Buffy🤗
you are dealing with so many big emotions in a time where there is so little chance to escape from them or enjoy life as you would usually choose to. This coupled with grief feels paralysing at times. 

I can empathise with the added sadness you feel around the unknown with your friends death,  it does seem to further complicate the grief journey. I was also sorry to read how her family handled your friends  personal belongings, that’s so very tough for those of you who really cared and valued her. 

I’m not sure an inquest would have given you the answers you search for, my husbands inquest left me with even more confusion & questions.  
 Do hope you find some (peaceful) time for yourself  over this weekend. 

Much love to you x x x