Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Buffythedebtslayer

Have hoovered and eaten breakfast. 
Found a programme called Love your weekend - nice comforting tv, tho the rabbit advice was shockingly bad. SO outdated. 
going to text my friend to arrange a walk. 
XXX 

RosaBernicia

Hugs and purrs from here Buffy  xx

Buffythedebtslayer

thank you Rosa X 
Today wasn't great. Woke up with a headache. Really afraid I was ill but looking at my sleep pattern (fitbit wearing in bed) I am not getting more than 5 hours, rarely 6 a night. I nap for about an hour a day and I appreciate that sounds self indulgent but it isn't exactly a choice I feel so terrible about 4 pm I virtually pass out. You see I should go to bed now but as is always the issue this is my alone time. I can watch a little tv read on here or whatever. And of course I am not tired now. 
All the day has been a blur. Set work, passed out for a while after doing all my jobs.  Mum had to fend for herself for a bit and has gone to bed early. I was meant to go in but couldn't cos of snow so she would have been on her own for longer. she insists she is fine. She isn't. I can't help a person who won't be helped. I mean you don't feel like you are helping in any way. You don't feel useful. I keep suggesting things but she just says no without thinking. Oh the foot spa was a disaster and will be returned. I am keeping mine. I liked it. 
I really need to make a list of things that need doing. Hmmm.
XXX 

badmemory

Does your fitbit tell you what kind of sleep you have had?  Mine does & I can tell if I have had enough rem & deep sleep & it does make a difference.  I can wake up fully rested after only 4 hours sleep as long as I have had 55 min of both rem & deep sleep.  I can sleep for 8 hours & if I don't have the rem & deep sleep I still feel knackered.

The foot spa was not a disaster because YOU liked it   I used to like mine too. 

Touchy subject coming up, no need to answer me, just think on it.  Has your mother had a dementia diagnosis?  I ask because some of her behaviours do show signs.  There seems to be something about dementia sufferers that make their nearest & dearest feel really bad as if THEY have failed somehow.  We will never win against a dementia sufferer.

If you want to move into your own property then you need to do it now or you will be there for a long time.  Can you even now envisage her managing on her own?  Sorry I know those lst few sentences were not what you wanted to read.

RosaBernicia

I completely understand the quiet time thing, I still do it and I live alone so it isn't even about flatmates any more.  The world is just quieter when most of the daily stuff has stopped and it's nicer than trying to cram the stuff you want to do into the rest of the day.  I can imagine it is even more important when you're both working and caring.   

I don't think there's anything self indulgent about naps - if you need the sleep you need the sleep, same if you need a break and / or a change in mental processing.  I will quite often have a nap either as a reset or because it seems to help me absorb things I've just been reading (and there is some evidence for this).  So you work things however works for you and call them power naps or super recharge if that helps. 

Also, I wondered the same as @badmemory .  I think we are all worried about you running yourself ragged and risking your future trying so hard to help your mum. 

RB xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't think she has dementia. I know what you mean and it is something that I have thought about, but honestly since we lost my Dad she has just been sad and depressed. Change is always bad in her eyes, she is negative about anything new(or it takes years for her to do things) and jut negative in general. It is sort of her personality and confidence, her and my Dad were a great couple, he was always the instigated of any adventures, she just had to show up. This of course changes if she is with my eldest sister, she associates her with being happy (on holiday) and so will do things with her or did. And since my BIL got ill she has been much more negative, she misses my sisters, feels constantly that she is a problem for me/them and can't be of any help to anyone. And then covid, which has in effect ruined her health, she would walk the dogs every day and did some housework before but since isolating all that went. She absolutely hates asking for help and will not countenance the idea that she has depression. 
I do think it probably is going to ruin or certainly limit my future whatever as I have been at home for a few days now and she is clearly in a lot of pain. I am hoping to finish the house in half term, as in my Kondo plans, then I will have to broach the subject of what happens when I go back to work. Etc. I must say what Jellytots said about me or us buying her house from her has stuck in my head. Been reading about inheritance  tax........ So many difficult conversations..................

Buffythedebtslayer

I eventually persuaded Mum to go to bed this afternoon. That was a bit better than her sitting here, am sure she is more comfortable snuggled in bed. 
I got some work done. Not enough but hey. 
Got bad news about the bunny Vet referred him to the specialist who has said that often in these cases there is no conclusion and that the danger is his leg will get worse and it will be too late to save him. I am taking him tomorrow for my vet to look at him and make a decision about the op. I am not honestly sure I should put him through another op. 
I really don't know. He has been through such a lot. 

any how, time for a walk. XXXX 

beanielou

But difficult conversations sometimes do need to be had..................
Please dont totally rule out dementia. There are many types.   xx

RosaBernicia

beanielou said:

But difficult conversations sometimes do need to be had..................
Please dont totally rule out dementia. There are many types.   xx

And it can co-exist with, and interact with, depression. 

Surely your mum would want you to be safe and happy in your future - even if she finds such conversations difficult in the moment?

Sorry to hear about bunny, fingers crossed. 

RB xx

beanielou

Sorry to read about Bunnster xx