Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Buffythedebtslayer

Jellytotts said:

Auctions normally need cash payment rather than mortgage.

What will happen with your mum once you've moved out? Can she cope alone?  As for help when you go back to work, you'd be able to get help via social services for a daily/twice daily visit (normally around 15 mins each time) to help her get washed and dressed/take meds, if she needs it.  We had to organise it when my mum had her aneurysm and Dad wasn't coping very well.  

Have you got anything in place incase your mum needs to go into a care home and the house needs to be sold to pay for it?  Would it be worth asking to by your mums house, using your share of any inheritance as deposit and then buying your sisters out? 

This might sound harsh but she will have to. I will have nothing at this rate, both my sisters have homes and a measure of security. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life. If the absolute worst happened I would just have to live in here and not pay rent but keep my mortgage paid. I couldn't be a full time carer as would need to keep my job. Quite aside from the fact I am just not a nurse type person. 
She won't countenance any sort of discussion about the future. That means I need to make a plan. It is all ridiculous but pre lockdown life -well in comparison it was amazing! but really it was ok 
please note new readers - The reason in the first place I am here is cos mum was meant to move to the US to live with my sister, but her health meant she couldn't and then I realised she couldn't really afford to live here and still visit my sister if I left so I have never left. We went round in the circle of her living there post her first health scare,  then once my BIL got sick that was a new set of problems. In the first place I am fully aware it was a !!!!!! decision, I don't need telling, I am literally the poster girl for thinking something will be temporary situation as slowly it becomes permanent but you make decisions based in grief and they are never good. Mum did used to spend a lot of time there and similarly pre covid I would go to friends or be at work etc. We didn't spend that much time together in reality. I have been on the cusp of going a few times, but I really feel I want a house or a flat (am coming round to a flat!) and I have given up a lot over the last few years, and I am not going to give that up. 
XX

RosaBernicia

Anything you can shave off the car costs? 

Also, it might be worth having a think about what your priorities are for a flat.  Eg if you expect to live there for years, would you accept somewhere that you had to do up over time, and have you explored the areas you are thinking of and the neighbouring ones?  Sometimes there's a big price difference just across a main road or in the next village. 

Sorry to hear things are difficult with your mum - I think Jellytotts is right about you needing a plan, but do understand it may need to wait on breathing space. 

RB xx

beanielou

I salute you Buffy  xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

RosaBernicia said:

Anything you can shave off the car costs? 

Also, it might be worth having a think about what your priorities are for a flat.  Eg if you expect to live there for years, would you accept somewhere that you had to do up over time, and have you explored the areas you are thinking of and the neighbouring ones?  Sometimes there's a big price difference just across a main road or in the next village. 

Sorry to hear things are difficult with your mum - I think Jellytotts is right about you needing a plan, but do understand it may need to wait on breathing space. 

RB xx

I drive an old car.... so need money for repairs. It is decent tho so fingers crossed. Realistically I don't think I can buy that far from Mum or my sister. The cheaper areas are kinda nasty. I am hoping that the housing market collapses just enough.... which makes me feel mean but I might be able buy then. The only plan I can now make is my plan to save and buy somewhere. 
It is really funny the furniture I bought to sort out my space here is highly adaptable to being used in other rooms in a house/flat...
I even look at flats and work out where things would go.........! 

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

I salute you Buffy  xxx

And I thank you for more than you will ever know for your friendship and understanding Beanie. Really I do. You are real definition of friend. I love you a lot. XXX 

Four_Seasons

Hope you have a good week Buffy and things start to get better. sending hugs and lots of luck x

[Deleted User]

Hope things are better this week Bufster.  Can you maybe print out some pictures of flats/houses you like and put them on the walls/around your room to give you some more motivation?? You could also draw a floorplan or something and plot your furniture and again, put on the wall.  I wish I could do this with pictures of thin people for what I'd call "thinspiration" but it doesn't seem to stop me going to the chocolate cupboard (yes, we do have a dedicated cupboard for chocolate)

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

RosaBernicia said:

Anything you can shave off the car costs? 

Also, it might be worth having a think about what your priorities are for a flat.  Eg if you expect to live there for years, would you accept somewhere that you had to do up over time, and have you explored the areas you are thinking of and the neighbouring ones?  Sometimes there's a big price difference just across a main road or in the next village. 

Sorry to hear things are difficult with your mum - I think Jellytotts is right about you needing a plan, but do understand it may need to wait on breathing space. 

RB xx

I drive an old car.... so need money for repairs. It is decent tho so fingers crossed. Realistically I don't think I can buy that far from Mum or my sister. The cheaper areas are kinda nasty. I am hoping that the housing market collapses just enough.... which makes me feel mean but I might be able buy then. The only plan I can now make is my plan to save and buy somewhere. 
It is really funny the furniture I bought to sort out my space here is highly adaptable to being used in other rooms in a house/flat...
I even look at flats and work out where things would go.........! 

Fingers crossed for less repairs needed and more flat budget. 

It might be worth having a pootle round the areas you are thinking of and next door patches, when that can happen again - sometimes it means you can strike places off the list, or find that a poor reputation doesn't seem justified.  Don't feel bad about the housing market thing, it can't suit everybody and just seems to get madder.  I confess that although my sale was disastrous moneywise I am glad to be somewhere now with a much smaller mortgage and a more stable market.  I get to treat this house as a home, instead of worrying about it as an asset. 

Totally endorse buying furniture that will work in other places.  I found it weirdly hard to let go of the stuff that I had in my flat because it was so practical and adaptable.  My stuff here is from the house and has translated very well, I do think buying things that work together makes it easier in a new place. 

Knowledge is power, both where you want to buy and what you'd put in it!

Jellytotts

I hadn't realised the original plan was for her to move to your sisters, that really does suck for all of you.

So hard if she won't talk about the future too, why are our parents so hard to deal with about this sort of thing!? 

I totally get that she will have to cope and I really admire you for saying it.  There's only so much you can do and give.  

Fingers crossed you can find something in your budget soon, prices here seem to have stabilised, not sure if they'll pick upon spring as normal because so many people just can't afford to move up.  

Buffythedebtslayer

RosaBernicia said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

RosaBernicia said:

Anything you can shave off the car costs? 

Also, it might be worth having a think about what your priorities are for a flat.  Eg if you expect to live there for years, would you accept somewhere that you had to do up over time, and have you explored the areas you are thinking of and the neighbouring ones?  Sometimes there's a big price difference just across a main road or in the next village. 

Sorry to hear things are difficult with your mum - I think Jellytotts is right about you needing a plan, but do understand it may need to wait on breathing space. 

RB xx

I drive an old car.... so need money for repairs. It is decent tho so fingers crossed. Realistically I don't think I can buy that far from Mum or my sister. The cheaper areas are kinda nasty. I am hoping that the housing market collapses just enough.... which makes me feel mean but I might be able buy then. The only plan I can now make is my plan to save and buy somewhere. 
It is really funny the furniture I bought to sort out my space here is highly adaptable to being used in other rooms in a house/flat...
I even look at flats and work out where things would go.........! 

Fingers crossed for less repairs needed and more flat budget. 

It might be worth having a pootle round the areas you are thinking of and next door patches, when that can happen again - sometimes it means you can strike places off the list, or find that a poor reputation doesn't seem justified.  Don't feel bad about the housing market thing, it can't suit everybody and just seems to get madder.  I confess that although my sale was disastrous moneywise I am glad to be somewhere now with a much smaller mortgage and a more stable market.  I get to treat this house as a home, instead of worrying about it as an asset. 

Totally endorse buying furniture that will work in other places.  I found it weirdly hard to let go of the stuff that I had in my flat because it was so practical and adaptable.  My stuff here is from the house and has translated very well, I do think buying things that work together makes it easier in a new place. 

Knowledge is power, both where you want to buy and what you'd put in it!

I shall look everywhere and yeah I would love a home. Thanks Rosa I love that you get it XXXXXXXXXX