Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks guys, I appreciate it.I do XXX 
 I think hearing one set of values, being unable to express myself freely, having literally everyone put before me including most recently the gardener! and being told that my sisters are both handling lock down really well and I do tend to be over sensitive to comparisons  (and I am over sensitive to almost everything she says) just makes it hard. I mean some of my friends have sat in pyjamas the whole time. binge watched tv. ordered pizza.........all the things I would like to do!!  but up until the rabbit started his 4 am wake ups I was up at 7 making tea every day and doing everything she wanted how and when cos for her this is one long weekend of me being home (a rare occurrence). I normally have the value and meaning of my two jobs and visits and chats with friends to balance everything. I also had the sanctuary of my room but don't have that at the moment. 
So. plan for tomorrow. 
1. Clean out small and furries
2. Empty car
3. do washing
4. Go to the tip. with the bin bags of rubbish. 
5. meet friend for a walk
6. pants. Have to sell a bedside cabinet for a fiver tomorrow. ugh. need to do a bit of time rearranging. It is only a £5 but it is out of the house. Which is the point.
Have ordered the spare parts I need to fix/finish the chest of drawers. 3 days of rain should allow me to get on with indoor stuff a bit. 
got to keep moving forward. progress every day XXX 

Buffythedebtslayer

Just added up my savings. 9575. So have met my target of 8400 which I wrote in my physical dairy, I have 4075 in the ISA and 5000 across all accounts. so technically not all for the house. but a start. I must say the paying of a 100 each into various savings accounts is good. 
I also thought about the savings I need access to across a year 
Car insurance 1000
Car issues - 1000
Rabbit insurance 500 (at least) 
Dog insurance. 2000
Emergency fund - 1000 (tho the dentist crossed my mind the other day...)
so for argument's sake that is a 6000 pound "float" for insurance and emergencies. 
Also, 1000 for Christmas. 
And a holiday fund. 
Hmm. 
I think in July I will reorganise the accounts to reflect this. Tentative goals for the second half of the year. 
1. House  - a mental amount ! (ISA and second account) 
2. Emergencies and insurance final goal 6000 (yearly costs)
3. Holidays 2000 (just for a laugh) 
4.Christmas 1000 (I don't spend that much but in case I want an amazing Christmas)

badmemory

Your friends who are enjoying lockdown have the luxury of living either alone or with someone who doesn't criticise & undermine them.  You do not.  Living with someone who makes you feel bad is not good for anyone.  I have quite enjoyed lockdown but I no longer have someone in my life who makes me feel bad on a daily basis.  Anyone who knows me well can tell when I have had a conversation with my sister (only a minor culprit), unfortunately she caught it from our parents (mostly mother).  Whilst I know you want to own your own home, maybe renting would be a good idea although you may have a problem renting with your pets.  Mind you if you were allowed to feel better about yourself maybe you wouldn't need the pets & you also wouldn't feel the need to spend to make yourself feel better.

Sorry if I have been too blunt, it is a problem I have had since I permitted myself to be free.  It took me until my late 50s, don't let it take you that long.

Honeysucklelou2

Garden plants sound good...just a quick tip, forgive me if you already know, the cranberry will need acidic soil so if the soil in your garden isn’t acidic, you’ll need ericaceous compost.

Are you back in school regularly?  

Buffythedebtslayer

badmemory said:

Your friends who are enjoying lockdown have the luxury of living either alone or with someone who doesn't criticise & undermine them.  You do not.  Living with someone who makes you feel bad is not good for anyone.  I have quite enjoyed lockdown but I no longer have someone in my life who makes me feel bad on a daily basis.  Anyone who knows me well can tell when I have had a conversation with my sister (only a minor culprit), unfortunately she caught it from our parents (mostly mother).  Whilst I know you want to own your own home, maybe renting would be a good idea although you may have a problem renting with your pets.  Mind you if you were allowed to feel better about yourself maybe you wouldn't need the pets & you also wouldn't feel the need to spend to make yourself feel better.

Sorry if I have been too blunt, it is a problem I have had since I permitted myself to be free.  It took me until my late 50s, don't let it take you that long.

Ultimately I don't like admitting it, and when I first read your post I was a bit stung but when I think back to yesterday and the day before....I do think she is very depressed and because she doesn't believe in depression as such and just says she is fine all the time the out come is a lack of sympathy from me and an annoyance/hurt that when she talks to my sisters she is happy and animated, gets off line and it is all about how rubbish things are (obviously tho she can't talk to them as they have their own problems).
 And it isn't about me - I think it is about her not being physically able to do things  any more and hating asking me. I try to do what she wants but that doesn't remove her limitations and the associated unhappiness and she is just never happy. that last bit isn't lockdown related that is how it has been my whole life. And when at work I am out for 10 hours a day, working in the evenings and going out all weekend. I am not here to have it impact me as much as it has, I haven't felt this bad in years. That also gives her time to do the stuff she can do without rushing so she feels accomplished, she feels it is necessary to keep up with me  when I am here(so then I do less) but that obviously exhausts her and that is a problem in terms of getting stuff done.
There is also an element all of this that if I am honest I have lost the will a bit regarding the house. Without her going away as often or for as long it is hard to get stuff done and the result is more mess. Cos I do think it is a bit pointless. She lives in a particular way and I do not. 
 I did used to spend to feel better that is true although now I save 8 -900 pounds a month so think I am ok on the spending these days. Am also better at returning things. I am also better at telling her to stop or that I don't need to do things her way. 
UGH too much thinking so early in the morning. 
Need to get on and get out to the tip, there will be a queue 

beanielou

Time to plan your escape/retreat. 

Make 2020 your year of change xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Time to plan your escape/retreat. 

Make 2020 your year of change xxx

Sadly I think that time has passed. Mum finds too many things difficult now. I think I will keep doing the six months thing and setting small goals and hoping that as the house gets better so will the situation with Mum. 

Jellytotts

How come the rabbit is waking you up? I thought they were outside?

Insurance and emergency spends for the animals is huge!  You need to stop replacing them and start making plans to move out and on.  The situation with your Mum won't get better, it's been getting worse for years and you can't expect someone of her age to change her way of life...just work on the theory that you need to go for you.  Your Mum will cope, or not, but that's a situation for you and your sisters to deal with, not you alone.

Sorry to be harsh but nothing will change until you do.

Buffythedebtslayer

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Garden plants sound good...just a quick tip, forgive me if you already know, the cranberry will need acidic soil so if the soil in your garden isn’t acidic, you’ll need ericaceous compost.

Are you back in school regularly?  

It was blueberry bush......cos I am that good at gardening! I don't know if it needs anything special! Oops. 

Buffythedebtslayer

The rabbits moved in after the storms, just before the lockdown cos the roof of the aviary got destroyed, then I lost my lovely girl on the first day of lockdown so I kept the relatively new boy in cos he is so good or rather was so good(perfect behaviour at all other times). Until the days started to get significantly lighter and he jumps on the bed in the morning at about 4am, so I then I got him a friend,  who so far he has ignored in favour of me.......So I think tonight he will have to be put in a cage so I can get some sleep. 
Today I did some of my list. Am now waiting for bloke to collect bedside table. may well nap. 
1. Clean out small and furries (later post dinner) 
2. Empty car DONE 
3. do washing DONE
4. Go to the tip. with the bin bags of rubbish. DONE
5. meet friend for a walk moved to Sunday for the weather 

6. pants. Have to sell a bedside cabinet for a fiver tomorrow. ugh. need to do a bit of time rearranging. It is only a £5 but it is out of the house. Which is the point.