Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Buffythedebtslayer

in_need_of_direction said:

I heard that!

Damnit. Foiled again! 

Buffythedebtslayer

Well. 
It has been a rough few days. Had to go to work which stressed me out and triggered a fab migraine - visual disturbances, memory loss. All the classics.  Found out a friend's wife has breast cancer. It has been described as incurable. my friend only told me cos I hadn't seen her at all and I thought she had the virus. All terrible and awkward cos he wasn't supposed to tell me. You think you have it hard and then someone blurts out everything and you just don't know how they are still standing. 
And then there was some great news which brought into sharp relief what a mess I have made of my life. Messed me up a fair bit, frozen, headache,  shoulders killing me. So it has been a hard few days. Tonight I avoided a Zoom meeting as I have to be "on" all the time with mum and couldn't keep it together in front of my friends, I just needed mindless TV. I still message with to D ickhead every day (writing this will mean he won't write tomorrow!) and he did a good job of cheering me up a couple of times. I also spoke to another friend who is stuck indoors with his mum. The rabbit is ill but doesn't appear to be getting worse. I need to pick up medicine tomorrow. so there are some positives. They are small but there. 

Buffythedebtslayer

I am going to scream. 
I was great when I woke up. the rabbit woke me but I am getting used to that so not a bad night's sleep. He seems ok. Then the shopping came. I am somewhat responsible for the shopping obviously, I have some input into what we buy. But the freezer is rammed, the fridge is rammed, and I had to throw away a bag of food that we had let go out of date because Mum refuses to meal plan. I end up feeling like an awful bully when I have to "check" the shopping and remove things. And I hate throwing food away. 
I am actually really worried about Mum. She barely moves all day if I get up first (which was most days until the rabbit worked out he could wake me) and now today she got up first, she is sat on the sofa knackered.   she misses walking the dogs. She misses doing stuff and seeing my sister. 
Bloody virus. 
Today I am taking mum for a blood test,  need to go shopping for my sister and get some meds from the vet and some plants from the pet shop. I prefer days when I do things. 
And then I am going to start a new thing of having coffee with Mum in the afternoon.  Dinner is reheated Pasta bake and then I will work on my room. 

crazy_cat_lady

Wish I could say or do something to help Buffy.
Keep plodding my lovely...

beanielou

Keep plodding Buffster xx

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks guys XXXX 
 The blood test was uneventful, also drove home up the high street to show mum the closed shops and the queues. She didn't want to go far, I think she thought the police would swoop down and arrest us. I dropped her home so I could shop. 
Shopping was ok, they had everything my sister wanted and when I took it round we had a good chat. Tomorrow I am going to the pet shop to buy more plants. Am determined to do something in that bloody garden. 
Shattered now ! 
XXX

Sun_Addict

Do you think the coffee with your mum routine will make her feel better? Hope the blood tests come back ok. Sending virtual hugs to you xx

RosaBernicia

More virtual hugs 

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Sun_Addict said:

Do you think the coffee with your mum routine will make her feel better? Hope the blood tests come back ok. Sending virtual hugs to you xx

RosaBernicia said:

More virtual hugs 

Rosa xx

I doubt it will, literally everything I try she or to be fair we don't do. In the end tonight I just got the hump. I can't keep up being relentlessly positive and doing everything around her. I can't talk to any one in real life as it just sounds pathetic, I just honestly never realised how much time I wasn't here. And I am so worried about her. 
Thank you for the hugs, also sending some back XXXXX 

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning all, 
Does anyone else get up and sort of forget what is going on - I mean breakfast, tea letting the dogs out, all the same as usual and then the news all about the virus and it just feels so weird. And it is mental. Blackpool is empty. I haven't been in a pub in weeks and weeks. Cinema. not that I went that often! And travel. I regret not travelling. 
Listened to an audio book last night about passive/aggressive behaviour. That was interesting and depressing. Mum does it and I do it. It is a nightmare!! Step back, look at your motivation, what do you actually want? And actually remember she is old now and can't remember things and is often frightened. Sounds ridiculous but the slow realisation that it all falls to me is very hard. It shouldn't as I am a grown up. And I am perfectly capable. I think I am used to being capable in the framework of my job not at home and it is difficult to be responsible when the other person believes they are. And also in the middle of all this I just need to get on with it. 
The news this morning on the economy is terrible. Worst recession on record. Unemployment predicted to be 9%. I guess in order to save the economy they will risk a second spike. I am so massively thankful to still have a job and the ability pay bills. 
Love story on the news from WW2. The BBC coverage of all this is very good, serious and uplifting. Hugely manipulative but I guess that is what is keeping a lot of people in doors.  Blimey.  now they are doing a piece on Dating in lock down. Oh dear!