Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

[Deleted User]

So glad house bunny has come through the OP ok.  Sorry about everything else.  It is hard sometimes not to compare yourself and what you have to others.  Can you use your friend's lovely house as motivating??  Even if you can't buy as nice a house, you can make what you do buy (I appreciate you are working towards this at the moment!) really lovely inside and completely to your taste.  I had a friend (who has now moved away into, I expect, an even nicer house but I've not seen it yet!) who had the most amazing beautiful stylish farmhouse, complete with fields and a swimming pool and it was SO hard not to get jealous.  However, the trade off was that her husband was ALWAYS working (and I mean ALWAYS - including away a lot of the time pre-covid) and I know that for all the things she "had" that was a HUGE trade off and she was very unhappy about it.  I'm not saying you should seek out reasons why your friend might be unhappy as obviously you wouldn't wish that for them (just as I didn't for her) but I think for every way in which someone else's life seems fabulous, there's always either a trade off or something they are not 100% happy with.  Basically, having nice things isn't everything.  But I am not sure I am getting what I am trying to say across properly - am just trying to make you feel a bit less bad for feeling jealous as it is totally natural and try to use it as motivating to (eventually) buy the best house you can.  Can't give you any advice re your mum as haven't been there (thankfully) with the caring aspect, but there's only so many times you can pull the kid out of the paddling pool......

Buffythedebtslayer

Sun_Addict said:

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling Buffster. Could you ask your friends how they got to be earning more than you if they're doing a similar job? Is it possible to negotiate extra money or are you tied to a set wage like I am working in the public sector? 

I'm not a natural carer either even though I've been doing it for 8 years now, I have absolutely zero patience. 

Just focus on what you can control and achieve for now. Big hugs and take care x

Thanks SA XX  Eight years? Holy Jesus. I also have zero patience. 
Her current job is head of Faculty and she should be paid WAY more than me, that does make sense it was more she was talking about what a pay cut this next job would be and how she wouldn't be able to manage. And  in the new job she would be earning 10 grand more than me. She does have a mortgage plus a car loan, no other debts and obviously monthly bills. I get that I am kinda lucky being here as bills are included in rent but I do have pets and their expenses. And whilst I don't buy all the food I do buy some and spend on the house regularly so I think it kinda works out and I couldn't figure out how she couldn't afford to do it with having ten grand more but I guess I still do everything really on the cheap, clothes etc whereas she has good quality clothes and shoes. And the nicer car. And no savings. And I suppose that is the difference. Cos she isn't silly about money at all. Saves for holidays etc. And totally deserves it, her place is mad. I think I just didn't know - that it was even possible to earn that much. Realistically I need a better job. 
Hmmm. 
Any how back in the present moment, Mum isn't well but no new symptoms House bunny is ok but won't be once I wash his wound. I am going to make a house list of stuff to do. Need to build my chest of drawers and cupboard. 
The CC is really high mainly due to vets. I think I need to work out my savings better. Going to work some stuff. 
XXX 

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok so this is just a note to myself, 
I have nearly 10,000 in house savings, 
I had 2000 in general savings(emergency and insurance) (with half being for the house if possible) but the CC was 850   so now I have 1150. 
some of the bill will be covered by insurance and if I don't spend any thing..........then I might be able to "pay back" to the savings. It isn't all vets, I know I have spent on Mum and I also bought myself some clothes so I think that is about 100. (of course if the insurance doesn't cover it am slightly screwed  as there is more to pay but moving on) 

I am very lucky to be able to do this. I know a lot of people reading this will think it is mental and I really apologise. 

Buffythedebtslayer

My basic plan is to save 1000 pounds a month. 
400 for the house accounts no matter what
100 for emergencies 
200 for insurances 
300 extra for the house. 
so in effect saving  600 that  I can use to pay up the three accounts. I think I might do some kind of challenge. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok. Posting again, Mum had one of "those" phone calls about her blood test results. Urgent referral. Cancer scare basically. 
Cannot get my head round it yet. 
Feel like I have brought it on thinking so much about moving out. And I appreciate that is ridiculous. 

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

Ok. Posting again, Mum had one of "those" phone calls about her blood test results. Urgent referral. Cancer scare basically. 
Cannot get my head round it yet. 
Feel like I have brought it on thinking so much about moving out. And I appreciate that is ridiculous. 

Oh Buffy sorry to hear that, big virtual hugs and purrs from here.  Hope you get some clarity soon.  And it's understandable to make the association but it really, really isn't anything you did. 

RB xx

Willowtree222

Sorry to hear about your mum Buffy. It's easy for the rest of us to say that it isn't anything to do with what you said or think and not as easy for you to believe. Hugs to you x

Four_Seasons

Totally agree with what Nicnak said of course its nothing to do with what you said or thought, sending much love and hugs x

efes_shareholder

buffy , i'm in a very similar situation , living with my mum , struggling with her ways and basically wanting my own space.
My mums been ill for a couple of months and got progressively worse , finally 10 days ago we recieved a pancreatic cancer diagnosis.
I had all the same thoughts as you are having now , infact i was viewing a flat when the doctor called to say they had the results and didnt want her to recieve them alone. Nothing you have said  , done , or thought will influence your mums health and well being - please try not to panic and be assured that your health authority is on whatever it is and investigating which at the moment is all you can ask for.
There are many things it could be , try not to worry until you have the reason too ..............I would have fallen apart the last few months if I didn't keep telling myself " dont consult doctor google" and dont stress over something you have absolutely no control over and you know what you are dealing with

Sun_Addict

Agree with the others it’s nothing you’ve done, said or thought about. You need to find out what you’re dealing with so hopefully the appointment will be very soon. No doubt they’re working on a worse case scenario basis and want to rule it out before they investigate further. Sending yet more virtual hugs 🤗 xx