How can I help my autistic son?

dreaming

My son was diagnosed a couple of years ago with Aspergers at the age of 37. He was always very shy when he was younger but also very forward in reading and number skills. As we lived in a village with a small primary school there was a ready made group of friends but he was more a follower than a leader (which occasionally got him into trouble). There were a few instances that were a bit "odd" but generally he was a quiet, loving, clever child. Even at senior school he did well, getting 3 A levels but chose not to go to university. He got a job, met a girl and they lived togather but after a few years there were various problems in their relationship. They carried on though intil a few years ago when he was found in possession of drugs and his partner kicked him out. It came out that he was using drugs (luckily not "hard" drugs) to cope with the stress of not being able to cope within the relationship and with his job. After a complete mental breakdown and a lot of family anguish he was diagnosed with ASD and suddenly a lot of his behaviours fell into place - his inability to cope with emotions (his own and other people's), his rigidity in certain aspects of his thinking, lack of organisational skills and total inability to follow instructions unless they are very specific. He is now settled with a new partner and the family are learning to deal with him in a different manner - no phone calls or surprise visits (e-mail communication is best); no longer expecting him to join in family occasions (he can't cope with crowds); and lots more. It's an ongoing process and sometimes I wonder if I would have preferred to have known about the ASD when he was younger. Sometimes I think yes - becasue it might have avoided the drug use and mental health probelms (maybe) - but sometimes I'm glad I didn't because he had the chance to grow up without a label. When he was younger (1980s/90s) autism wasn't so commonly talked about. If it was people either thought of the Rain Man film, or someone who had uncontrollable tantrums. My son was to all intents and purposes "normal" with a few odd quirks. He has since told me that he always knew he was different but learned to copy others even though he didn't always know why they acted in certain ways. He also said that he loved school because of the routine (it was quite a strictt school too) but found it harder at work when he was given multiple tasks to do and either spent too long on one task, or didn't do any becasue he didn't know which was most important.
As others have said - everyone is different whether they are on the spectrum or not and it is a matter of negotiating ways to communicate accordingly.