How can I help my autistic son?

Blackpool_Saver

The usual arguing between people who have no idea about Autism and those who do.
It is not simply a matter of turning off the internet, or saying no to some on the spectrum, you have to gauge the mood and how it will be received.
Many on the spectrum are unable to see the circumstances from another's point of view.

To the original poster: I hope you are getting support, I know how very hard it is.

dekaspace

gomer wrote: »

Nobody said anything about banning access to the internet completely. It seems even just a few minutes without internet is too traumatic for people to even contemplate. Out of genuine interest how did you cope before the advent of the internet? I'm genuinely interested as we seem to have an entire generation who cannot seem to fathom a world before the internet - you know, when we used to interact with real people in the flesh.

As someone with autism you don't understand how it works, people with it are far more likely to have additonal problems on top such as mental health issues.

I for example didn't have many friends at school and most of my free time was reading books/comics. Doodling on paper, playing video games. The only real times I left the house when not for school was in term time Saturdays to spend pocket money, holidays Tuesdays and Thursdays, or when on a holiday I would never be indoors as I loved to explore. My adult years however took a hit due to a severe family death and I became more and more isolated, I feel distressed when not at home, but a different form if distressed when at home as I feel like I am doing nothing and sitting indoors the two thoughts fight with each other in my head.

My "coping" before the internet was more as I didn't have it I didn't think about it so nothing to worry about. These days its like a mobile phone I may get messages that are important that I miss otherwise so if I lose connection I may get anxious that I am missing something.

DD265

I have no direct experience of autism, but the first thing that came to mind was the Elevate brain training mobile app.

Elevate itself might not be suitable as the activities are time limited (I'm not sure whether that would cause additional stress) but I'm sure that there are other similar apps out there. If your son likes playing on a computer, maybe one or two of these for 10-15 minutes a day could be a good substitute for sitting down together.

theoretica

gomer wrote: »

What i am genuinely interested in is that more than one person mentions it would be unthinkable not to allow internet access uninterrupted, but i am genuinely interested in what was used as a distraction before the internet by the same people? Surely you must have had other ways around this?

Btw I'm not looking for aggressive replies from people who can't tell the difference between fact & opinion, just genuine experiences please because one generation have gone through life believing the internet always existed, but the rest of you haven't.

I know a few autistic people who are old enough to have experienced pre-internet life, and indeed pre home computer life. It has been a major boon to everyone in this small sample.
It really helps communication in both ways - not needing to do it face to face, being able to take extra time when you need it, to seek out information or interaction in the forms you need when unable to cope with the spoken word. To control their own world, on their own terms. Turning it off (rather than just not using it) might be like the difference between someone not talking for a while or gagging and deafening them. It can be removing a major link to the world - before this they didn't have a different link, they had hardly any link followed by collapses from pushing themselves too far and literally needing days to recover or needed carers to do things they now can do themselves through the internet.

Another way it has changed their lives is being able to buy things without the overstimulating and physically hostile environment of a shop (you probably don't even notice the lights, but even with sunglasses indoors, and ear plugs in it can be horrendous for them), or the need to cope with a cashier making small talk - generally the people I know prefer this to carrying cards to say 'don't talk to me'.

You ask about its emotional use and alternatives - one of the people I know best also uses physical stimming - in his case pacing or rocking back and forth (and no, he couldn't do maths while doing this).


No disability aid has always existed, except maybe human carers.

Savvy_Sue

I found with my eldest (mild Asperger's) was that you couldn't 'make' him interested in something he wasn't interested in. Just because we thought he might find X or Y 'interesting' wasn't enough: he had to be interested in it himself.

We didn't have to give him much help with academic work, but he did need extra time - to get over the 'what am I supposed to be doing, what question am I supposed to be answering, what does this question actually mean?' I am not sure how we'd have got on with extra work, because if school said he had to do it, he'd do it, but us? Not much chance.

General_Applause wrote: »

Another frustrating thing about his autism is that he doesn't take praise very well. Much more than a 'well done' really does pee him off, even when he deserves much more.

Oh yes ... the letter we got from the school doctor when we were moving schools. I read it and thought "how do I tell him about this?" So I offered to read it to him - of course he was perfectly capable of reading it himself. It began:

"DSName is an able child ..." and immediately he interrupted with "No I'm not!" but I carried on "... who sometimes has difficulty accepting this." "No I'm ..." he started, but then realised he couldn't argue with BOTH those statements! :rotfl:

On another occasion I was a bit sneaky and got HIM to see how well he'd done. He brought home his SAT results, must have been towards the end of Primary, he'd got a 6 in something. They also sent home the class results. 3% of the class had got a level 6. So I asked how many other children had got a 6? I helped him work it out, and it dawned on him that it was only him.

I do think that you need different parenting skills, so if you can do a parenting course for ASD then that might be really helpful. Yes, they have to be helped to acquire survival skills, but equally we have to understand what it takes them to survive. Before we knew he was different, his class teacher saw him rushing around the playground at the end of the day with a slightly younger friend - he knew if I had this child with me, it meant we were going to see HIS best friend, who went to a different school.

He was shrieking and laughing and a bit wild - and the teacher commented that she had NEVER seen him like that. I said he was often quite wild when he came out of school, and I told her I suspected that he was letting off steam after a whole day 'behaving'. Now I'm sure that's quite 'normal', but it was much more marked in him that in either of the other two, who were more outgoing at school.

[Deleted User]

gomer wrote: »

Nobody said anything about banning access to the internet completely. It seems even just a few minutes without internet is too traumatic for people to even contemplate. Out of genuine interest how did you cope before the advent of the internet? I'm genuinely interested as we seem to have an entire generation who cannot seem to fathom a world before the internet - you know, when we used to interact with real people in the flesh.

Me personally, I was what is politely called a bookworm. Still am but not so persistently. it used to keep my brain distracted in exactly the same way.., even walking along a street. How I didn't get run over, I don't know. I'd read every chance I got to block out the world.., and people and stop me getting more stressed.

You are generalising rather. Thinking with a non autistic brain. Its not socialising or internet, socialising isn't up there on the choice board for me (socialising on a face to face basis because its 'instant' is overwhelming, I can't think of suitable responses plus I have been teased etc so creates a lot of tension). For me the internet and when I was younger, books, serves a purpose. I wouldn't have been interacting socially regardless. Before books, I suppose I'd have been tapping on cave walls or after that some serf being accused of being a witch because I wasn't quite 'right'.

Most people still manage to go out and socialise, as well as use the internet lol, lots of grumbles about integrating them too (posting the latest meal online). I also agree that if someone chooses to chat online etc its still socialising, just a different form. The world didn't end when tea/coffee shops (centuries ago) fell out of favour, they were just replaced with something else.

bouicca21

gomer wrote: »

Nobody said anything about banning access to the internet completely. It seems even just a few minutes without internet is too traumatic for people to even contemplate. Out of genuine interest how did you cope before the advent of the internet? I'm genuinely interested as we seem to have an entire generation who cannot seem to fathom a world before the internet - you know, when we used to interact with real people in the flesh.

As it happens I’ve recently been researching a case in which it is abundantly clear that one of the protagonists was autistic. A series of sensory meltdowns involving violent attacks on those round her and incidents of self harm meant she was declared insane and placed in an asylum. I think that turned out to be a pretty good thing - it meant she had a predictable structured day and gradually improved.

This was well over a hundred years ago. Interacting with real people in the flesh was not an option for her.

littlegreenparrot

I have known people with autism both personally, and professionally working on education.

One of the important things to remember is that everyone who has autism will have it slightly differently, so you need to try different strategies until you land on something (hopefully) that helps. Of course in the meantime you have to get it wrong which can be very challenging.

Just for info, as some people may find it helpful. Newbury College run online adult education courses for free, the only eligibility criteria is being over 18 and a British citizen. They have a level 2 course in Understanding autism.

I found it helped to understand better what support was helpful, and what was useless, or although well meant, made things worse.

NBLondon

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

One of the important things to remember is that everyone who has autism will have it slightly differently, so you need to try different strategies until you land on something (hopefully) that helps. Of course in the meantime you have to get it wrong which can be very challenging.

This! Based on my experience volunteering with a friend who was an SEN teacher - there is a huge variation. You have to work out what is best for that individual and preferably with them not just what you think is best. I learnt enough to realise that I can't imagine I'd ever have the patience and skill to raise a child with autism so all kudos to those of you who do/are/have.

Savvy_Sue

NBLondon wrote: »

I learnt enough to realise that I can't imagine I'd ever have the patience and skill to raise a child with autism so all kudos to those of you who do/are/have.

:rotfl: None of us realise what we can do until we have to do it. I guess it helped for me that I'd had friends who I realised were on the spectrum - some of them towards the very un-neuro-typical end - once it was suggested that this explained DS1's 'differences', and those friends included DH and FIL!