How can I help my autistic son?

MissMollyJ

Just because someone else views him spending time on YouTube and games as “wasting his life” doesn’t mean that he is at all. It is in fact belittling his strengths and interests.

Allow him to develop where his interests lie and validate those strengths that he has instead of belittling them as the rest of society absolutely adores doing.

oystercatcher

I would wait until you are both in a good mood and sit and talk about it. Discuss the importance of exams and how a few marks can make so much difference. Then I would see what your son thinks might help and what he would like to do about it, it could be the work sheets, or a different set of worksheets or books or maybe someone else helping him. Is an outside tutor within budget ? Would he accept help from a tutor?

I would also consider other subjects particularly english, another key skill, would any help here be worthwhile?

Remember to praise your son for the things he does well, self esteem is so important especially when there are other difficulties like autism in the mix.

Also remember he has the rest of his life to learn skills and its not the end of the world if he doesn't do well first time , although it would be lovely if he could . Some people just take longer to do things.

You tube and computer games can also teach skills, maybe ask at school for the appropriate maths and english programmes he can access, there is bound to be something.

gomer

AndyPix wrote: »

Im not too sure how autism works , but if this was me with my parenting hat on then it would have been more a case of making sure child doesn't do those things by removing the opportunity.


Or more simply "No more internet until maths done"

Sadly i imagine it will be more a case of allowing the internet to overrule other things as a means of trying to appease for fear of causing a massive meltdown.

Effectively the child controlling the adult & the adult being afraid to turn the internet off for fear of repercussions - vicious circle.

I'm willing to bet even in cases of autism, controlled access to internet while other more important topics are addressed will soon get the child to focus.

Probably more a case of the adult wanting to avoid the ensuing epic fallout. Shoot me for saying it, but in my day the internet didn't exist. Neither did autusm come to think of it.

General_Applause

gomer wrote: »

Turn the broadband off?

That's not do-able. There are others in the home and if I just block his laptop from the network, it will get smashed.

MovingForwards wrote: »

If he has good / bad days with concentration don't try and force maths or any subject on a bad day.

Should he not scrape a pass, it isn't the end of the world, the great thing about education is you can dip in / out throughout your life.

Has he mentioned any career or areas he is interested in working in when he leaves school? Focus on what he needs for them, he can pick up others as he grows.

What help are you getting? Have you joined any support groups?

Over the years I've made several friends who are on the spectrum, as an adult they recognise their strengths, their weaknesses and have worked around it, a lot actually have their own businesses which are highly successful.

A part of his autism is that he has little concept of the future. He likes destroying stuff so I have suggested that he might learn to drive a JCB or something. To be fair to him, at 14, I had no real idea of what I wanted to do. He has a EHCP and he gets a TA in some classes. My wife is in contact with a support group.

theoretica wrote: »

It isn't clear from the first post if 'might scrape a pass in maths' is his best subject or his worst.

He is reasonably competent in maths. He can add up mentally quite well and can do certain algebra pretty good. What I am attempting to do with my maths sheets is to set just one or two questions in each area, eg percentages, ratios, algebra etc to ensure that the methods are fixed into his mind and solving such problems becomes second nature. When school cover a topic, it is never revisited and how to do it gets forgotten. Also, he sometimes needs things explaining in a different way. He struggled with percentages until I told him to always find 10% first, then 1% and then just build it up from there.

oystercatcher wrote: »

I would wait until you are both in a good mood and sit and talk about it. Discuss the importance of exams and how a few marks can make so much difference. Then I would see what your son thinks might help and what he would like to do about it, it could be the work sheets, or a different set of worksheets or books or maybe someone else helping him. Is an outside tutor within budget ? Would he accept help from a tutor?

I would also consider other subjects particularly english, another key skill, would any help here be worthwhile?

Remember to praise your son for the things he does well, self esteem is so important especially when there are other difficulties like autism in the mix.

Also remember he has the rest of his life to learn skills and its not the end of the world if he doesn't do well first time , although it would be lovely if he could . Some people just take longer to do things.

You tube and computer games can also teach skills, maybe ask at school for the appropriate maths and english programmes he can access, there is bound to be something.

Another frustrating thing about his autism is that he doesn't take praise very well. Much more than a 'well done' really does pee him off, even when he deserves much more. I have talked about the importance of maths and english, at least and I have said time and time again to show your working out. The answer may be wrong but you get marks for showing your working out. A tutor is not within budget. As for english, I really don't know what they expect from you these days. He struggles with literature. So do I, truth be told.


As someone else mentioned, hormones could well be rearing their heads.


If he were making videos to put on his Youtube channel, then I would not have a problem. Just sitting watching other peoples videos (multiple times over by his own admittance), is wasting his life. He admits that he is bored of it but cannot seem to tear himself away.


Games I don't mind too much but he doesn't accept that sometimes you die and have to start again. Cue temper tantrums and smashed laptops although he is not half as bad now as he was a few years ago.


Thanks to everyone that has replied.

Drawingaline

Hi. My autistic son is year 6. I have two teens in secondary school so know how much work he will face in the coming years. He also has Sat's in May. I have never made a fuss of Sat's, but knowing how much testing will come in secondary I he bought a few sat revision books in maths and English for him to practise now before the stress of year 7.

It has been hard. Lots of protesting and crying with 'I am stupid' etc. Lots of praise and calming has been done. Sitting with him I have discovered that although he can read well, he absolutely cannot retain any information from a book! (honestly I think he has no hope of passing gcse English!) and he struggles with the problem solving maths questions so I am working on him understanding about ignoring everything but the numbers.

Anyway he is a visual learner. YouTube has taught him all the countries, flags, history etc. So now he has to come in Mon-Thurs and do a row of sums and some English, then 15mins on his ipad watching timetables videos. His knowledge of tables has blossomed in four days! He has accepted this no problem now and it is built into his routine.

So a really roundabout way of saying, if your son loves YouTube he may learn much better in a visual way, YouTube literally has everything, I imagine there are videos on how to solve all sorts of sums and problems. Might be an approach to try? Come in, watch videos on fractions for 20 mins, then sit down and do four fraction sums.

theoretica

One things which has changed my understanding of autism is reading more written by adult autistics - there is quite a bit on the internet, and of course the writers don't all agree from their personal viewpoints. If you are not already familiar with this it might provide some interesting and useful ideas for you as he grows towards adulthood.

MissMollyJ

gomer wrote: »

Sadly i imagine it will be more a case of allowing the internet to overrule other things as a means of trying to appease for fear of causing a massive meltdown.

Effectively the child controlling the adult & the adult being afraid to turn the internet off for fear of repercussions - vicious circle.

I'm willing to bet even in cases of autism, controlled access to internet while other more important topics are addressed will soon get the child to focus.

Probably more a case of the adult wanting to avoid the ensuing epic fallout. Shoot me for saying it, but in my day the internet didn't exist. Neither did autusm come to think of it.

Thank you for clearly stating that you have zero idea about autism Because now hopefully your completely ignorant views will be ignored by any parents or anybody who has any influence on autistic people and their lives.

MissMollyJ

General_Applause wrote: »

That's not do-able. There are others in the home and if I just block his laptop from the network, it will get smashed.





A part of his autism is that he has little concept of the future. He likes destroying stuff so I have suggested that he might learn to drive a JCB or something. To be fair to him, at 14, I had no real idea of what I wanted to do. He has a EHCP and he gets a TA in some classes. My wife is in contact with a support group.





He is reasonably competent in maths. He can add up mentally quite well and can do certain algebra pretty good. What I am attempting to do with my maths sheets is to set just one or two questions in each area, eg percentages, ratios, algebra etc to ensure that the methods are fixed into his mind and solving such problems becomes second nature. When school cover a topic, it is never revisited and how to do it gets forgotten. Also, he sometimes needs things explaining in a different way. He struggled with percentages until I told him to always find 10% first, then 1% and then just build it up from there.





Another frustrating thing about his autism is that he doesn't take praise very well. Much more than a 'well done' really does pee him off, even when he deserves much more. I have talked about the importance of maths and english, at least and I have said time and time again to show your working out. The answer may be wrong but you get marks for showing your working out. A tutor is not within budget. As for english, I really don't know what they expect from you these days. He struggles with literature. So do I, truth be told.


As someone else mentioned, hormones could well be rearing their heads.


If he were making videos to put on his Youtube channel, then I would not have a problem. Just sitting watching other peoples videos (multiple times over by his own admittance), is wasting his life. He admits that he is bored of it but cannot seem to tear himself away.


Games I don't mind too much but he doesn't accept that sometimes you die and have to start again. Cue temper tantrums and smashed laptops although he is not half as bad now as he was a few years ago.


Thanks to everyone that has replied.

I can suggest khan academy as a free to use excellent educational resource.

Also you might find it useful to have a look at some past GCSE papers to get an idea of what is required, and also many of the exam boards show example exam answers at different grades which may help.

[Deleted User]

I have two autistic sons. One is 23, the other is 13. Older one suffered his way through mainstream school, the other has an EHCP and is at a specialist school. Both highly intelligent but with quite nasty problems coping with school and some subjects.

I also have austism. Even as an adult I use browsing on the internet to keep stress from building up, its 'busy' stuff. I get quite ratty if I can't access the internet at all, even as an adult. My sons play games, it allows them to reduce stress levels, and I have to say, greatly encouraged the ability to learn to read at an early age. My younger son browses the net also, like me, and knows more than most teachers about his areas of special interest (biology, history etc). But maths is a problem for both of them.

With my older son I used to sit with him and get him to complete maths sheets. It was sheer torture, but he was one of three in his year to pass the harder GCSE maths exam first time. Because there was no flexibility in teaching methods and the teacher wasn't very good, he told me my son couldn't pass this exam at all lol, but I managed to persuade him to put him in for it anyway somehow. And he passed first time. What that says about how schools work, I don't know.

Banning someone who is autistic from using the internet is not as likely as some might think to encourage focusing on things they wouldn't otherwise be keen to do. As already mentioned, it can cause meltdowns very easily.

I would try as hard as I could to get the work done (remember it was my timetable, not his), otherwise we'd come back to it when he was more able to work.

I do this with myself. There are times I just can't focus, so I wait until I can if I need to.

Remember someone who is autistic often hates how their autism presents itself, they aren't on a pleasure cruise trying to get out of things for an easy life. Just keep at it in as calm and encouraging way you can. Otherwise you will build up the negativity they already feel about themselves. They SO want to be like 'everybody else'. Blaming them for not being like this, is so harmful. And unfortunately, when society doesn't know what to do to help has a tendency to use 'blame' phrases.., you could do this if you'd just try etc. It just makes things more difficult. I have enormous problems just talking to people, and get a lot of negativity from most people who think its easy. As a result I live the life of a hermit, it doesn't make difficult skills more approachable to tell someone it would be so easy if you'd just try. If they are saying it isn't, it isn't.

But also agree with what other people have said. Find ways to develop their confidence in themselves as people, yes superfocusing seen in autism is a trait some companies look for. Does he like working with animals - see if you can set up some volunteer work in a rescue centre (my younger son does this, he adores it and has helped him be more confident, which has helped his anxieties and feelings about himself which has led to him doing a lot better at school.

You can also talk to the NAS - they have a parents helpline and also help deal with educational issues.

https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines.aspx

My older son failed two university courses. I did wonder what was going to happen to him but the thing is, this was what we were telling him would be good for him. It was imposed. He now has a 3 D printer and is busy producing commissioned game figurines for other people - and enjoying his life. Super focusing to solve problems is proving a huge boon to this. This could lead to a way of supporting himself. I hope so. The important thing is this is something he has done totally for himself based on his skills and what he finds interesting.

gomer

MissMollyJ wrote: »

Thank you for clearly stating that you have zero idea about autism Because now hopefully your completely ignorant views will be ignored by any parents or anybody who has any influence on autistic people and their lives.

And thank you for clearly stating you have no idea how to speak to people and being equally ignorant and rude.