How can I help my autistic son?

gomer

deannatrois wrote: »

I have two autistic sons. One is 23, the other is 13. Older one suffered his way through mainstream school, the other has an EHCP and is at a specialist school. Both highly intelligent but with quite nasty problems coping with school and some subjects.

I also have austism. Even as an adult I use browsing on the internet to keep stress from building up, its 'busy' stuff. I get quite ratty if I can't access the internet at all, even as an adult. My sons play games, it allows them to reduce stress levels, and I have to say, greatly encouraged the ability to learn to read at an early age. My younger son browses the net also, like me, and knows more than most teachers about his areas of special interest (biology, history etc). But maths is a problem for both of them.

With my older son I used to sit with him and get him to complete maths sheets. It was sheer torture, but he was one of three in his year to pass the harder GCSE maths exam first time. Because there was no flexibility in teaching methods and the teacher wasn't very good, he told me my son couldn't pass this exam at all lol, but I managed to persuade him to put him in for it anyway somehow. And he passed first time. What that says about how schools work, I don't know.

Banning someone who is autistic from using the internet is not as likely as some might think to encourage focusing on things they wouldn't otherwise be keen to do. As already mentioned, it can cause meltdowns very easily.

I would try as hard as I could to get the work done (remember it was my timetable, not his), otherwise we'd come back to it when he was more able to work.

I do this with myself. There are times I just can't focus, so I wait until I can if I need to.

Remember someone who is autistic often hates how their autism presents itself, they aren't on a pleasure cruise trying to get out of things for an easy life. Just keep at it in as calm and encouraging way you can. Otherwise you will build up the negativity they already feel about themselves. They SO want to be like 'everybody else'. Blaming them for not being like this, is so harmful. And unfortunately, when society doesn't know what to do to help has a tendency to use 'blame' phrases.., you could do this if you'd just try etc. It just makes things more difficult. I have enormous problems just talking to people, and get a lot of negativity from most people who think its easy. As a result I live the life of a hermit, it doesn't make difficult skills more approachable to tell someone it would be so easy if you'd just try. If they are saying it isn't, it isn't.

But also agree with what other people have said. Find ways to develop their confidence in themselves as people, yes superfocusing seen in autism is a trait some companies look for. Does he like working with animals - see if you can set up some volunteer work in a rescue centre (my younger son does this, he adores it and has helped him be more confident, which has helped his anxieties and feelings about himself which has led to him doing a lot better at school.

You can also talk to the NAS - they have a parents helpline and also help deal with educational issues.

https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines.aspx

My older son failed two university courses. I did wonder what was going to happen to him but the thing is, this was what we were telling him would be good for him. It was imposed. He now has a 3 D printer and is busy producing commissioned game figurines for other people - and enjoying his life. Super focusing to solve problems is proving a huge boon to this. This could lead to a way of supporting himself. I hope so. The important thing is this is something he has done totally for himself based on his skills and what he finds interesting.

Nobody said anything about banning access to the internet completely. It seems even just a few minutes without internet is too traumatic for people to even contemplate. Out of genuine interest how did you cope before the advent of the internet? I'm genuinely interested as we seem to have an entire generation who cannot seem to fathom a world before the internet - you know, when we used to interact with real people in the flesh.

gomer

MissMollyJ wrote: »

Your views and opinions are offensive to those of us who are autistic, or who have autistic family members. Stop spouting on about something you know nothing about as if you do, it could actually be harmful.

And your attitude is rude and offensive full stop. Stop dictating to people & deciding what people can or cannot post. If you don't like someone elses views then use the ignore button.

MissMollyJ

gomer wrote: »

Nobody said anything about banning access to the internet completely. It seems even just a few minutes without internet is too traumatic for people to even contemplate. Out of genuine interest how did you cope before the advent of the internet? I'm genuinely interested as we seem to have an entire generation who cannot seem to fathom a world before the internet - you know, when we used to interact with real people in the flesh.

Historically autistic people were institutionalised or isolated from society in some other ways. That’s how they “coped” - by being ostracised entirely.

Most autistic adults now laud the advent of the internet as an opportunity for socialisation and a social life, alongside entertainment and employment opportunities.

MissMollyJ

gomer wrote: »

And your attitude is rude and offensive full stop. Stop dictating to people & deciding what people can or cannot post. If you don't like someone elses views then use the ignore button.

Do you see the irony in saying “stop dictating to people... if you don’t like someone’s views then ignore” 😂😂😂😂😂
Probably not.

gomer

MissMollyJ wrote: »

Historically autistic people were institutionalised or isolated from society in some other ways. That’s how they “coped” - by being ostracised entirely.

Most autistic adults now laid the advent of the internet as an opportunity for socialisation and a social life, alongside entertainment and employment opportunities.

I think you'll find i wasn't actually speaking to you. I've already blocked you because your rudeness & practical bullying of people who dare not to say what you decide they should say is really quite unpleasant but carry on butting in & speaking for everyone else by all means.

gomer

MissMollyJ wrote: »

Do you see the irony in saying “stop dictating to people... if you don’t like someone’s views then ignore” 😂😂😂😂😂
Probably not.

No i don't see the irony because there wasn't any dictating there. :rotfl:

JuzaMum

My daughter is autistic and her behaviour is pretty poor at the moment and it's because of the time of year (it's the same every December). Routine is out at school, there's lights up everywhere and the world has gone mad! Xmas is stressful enough for neurotypicals let alone those with ASD. Maybe have a break from the maths whilst school is closed?

Have you been able to access an ASD parenting course? Since I was able to get on one and made some changes the aggression levels have really gone down. I used to get hit/kicked/bitten hard everyday. Now the strength and frequency has reduced hugely.

My daughter has a built in timer on her tablet so when her time is up it is not me stopping her. I am a big fan of motivators (bribery) and visual charts.

BTW for those who believe that you can impose boundaries on an Autistic child in the same way as a neurotypical one, you really can't. I tried and tried the same rules/boundaries/discipline with my daughter as I did with my other three (well behaved) children and it didn't work. It was only when I stopped and tried another way that we made progress.

gomer

JuzaMum wrote: »

My daughter is autistic and her behaviour is pretty poor at the moment and it's because of the time of year (it's the same every December). Routine is out at school, there's lights up everywhere and the world has gone mad! Xmas is stressful enough for neurotypicals let alone those with ASD. Maybe have a break from the maths whilst school is closed?

Have you been able to access an ASD parenting course? Since I was able to get on one and made some changes the aggression levels have really gone down. I used to get hit/kicked/bitten hard everyday. Now the strength and frequency has reduced hugely.

My daughter has a built in timer on her tablet so when her time is up it is not me stopping her. I am a big fan of motivators (bribery) and visual charts.

BTW for those who believe that you can impose boundaries on an Autistic child in the same way as a neurotypical one, you really can't. I tried and tried the same rules/boundaries/discipline with my daughter as I did with my other three (well behaved) children and it didn't work. It was only when I stopped and tried another way that we made progress.

Thank you. I was genuinely interested in this. The logical suggestion would be that just for the half hour you want to teach, the internet could go off & your response is really polite & informative, unlike the rude and aggressive responses from another person to this very same question.

What i am genuinely interested in is that more than one person mentions it would be unthinkable not to allow internet access uninterrupted, but i am genuinely interested in what was used as a distraction before the internet by the same people? Surely you must have had other ways around this?

Btw I'm not looking for aggressive replies from people who can't tell the difference between fact & opinion, just genuine experiences please because one generation have gone through life believing the internet always existed, but the rest of you haven't.

gomer

MissMollyJ wrote: »

I stated two facts - that you know nothing about autism, and that your views are therefore based on ignorance.

Your ignorance-based views and opinions are offensive to those of us who are autistic, or who have autistic family members. It would be good if you could cease spouting on about something you know nothing about as if you do, it could actually be harmful.

You have not stated any 'facts' whatsoever, but do keep telling yourself otherwise as it's all rather entertaining nonetheless. What you appear to believe as 'facts' are nothing more than your own 'opinions'. I'd suggest researching the parameters of what constitutes the word fact. Imagination is another thing altogether.

I remember a forum where one of the members caused dozens of people to leave with her rude aggressive behaviour toward other posters & her default position to justify it would always be 'i have aspergers so i can't relate to your feelings'.

I'm sensing a bit of d!jà vu here.

fudgecat

Gomer, are you quite sure that there was no such thing as autism in your youth?