Keeping Going For My Furbabies

Tahlullah.H

I agree with what everyone else is saying.  But, have you considered getting the locks changed? If you are not playing ball and he has a key, he and his family can come and go as they please - but not if they can't get in.

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your messages! It's so nice to see I've got support from you all.

I've felt quite drained since all this went down, I got the desired showdown on Saturday...I stayed here until 9:30 and they hadn't turned up, so I went with my mum to yoga. She gave me some money towards getting a new yoga pass, I paid £25 so I've got 4 more classes on the pass. Was quite tough as I haven't done yoga in a couple of weeks but felt good after. I asked my mum to come up to the flat with me in case they were there, I needed to get a cable for my dad from my bedroom.

Well ex and his mum were there. My mum had promised she'd be on her best behaviour, but it ended up being her and his mum going at each other, his mum telling me I have no morals because I'm going to get 50%, us telling her it was ex's fault, her saying yes it is his fault he's an idiot, my mum yelling at her telling her not to call him an idiot, me saying fine I won't sell, her saying we'll take you to court.......meanwhile ex said nada.

So anyway, I managed to calm the situation down and I explained to his mum that the reason all this had blown up was lack of communication from ex, apparently they had always intended coming back to put the stuff back, but ofc because ex didn't tell me he was coming or that they were going to come back I assumed the worst. She looked a bit shocked that he hadn't been keeping properly in touch. He then tried to say because he's blocked on everything he can't contact me, I told him you have email, text and phone, so that's really no excuse. Upshot of that is that he is going to email me before coming each time, and telling me what they've done and will be doing so I can prepare (ie they want to do the kitchen next week so I will clear the kitchen for them). She said to me he's been "letting" me live here, and I put her straight that no he's not "letting" me, it's my flat too and I've taken over all the bills since he went, and it was his choice to go. They also seemed to think I should be grateful for them decorating, but I'm sure you all know why I'm not!

I also explained to his mum that it deeply hurt me for them not to contact me after being with him and being in their lives for 6 years. She admitted she was in the wrong and said as time passed it felt more difficult to reach out. TBH though it shows where ex gets his communication problems from. He basically said nothing the whole time, reinforced the feeling that I am better off. I was very dignified and said everything I needed to say, and didn't say anything I regret. She apologised for saying I have no morals, she said it was because my mum made her angry...

This whole thing is over money, she said it was because she wants to get us the most money for the place, the place underneath us sold and she said "we can't sell this place as it is as the place downstairs looked like no one lived in it"....but when we bought this place it was obvious people lived here, and how else do people sell their properties?

As it stands, he's going to communicate better with me, and we're continuing with the current plan. When I walked out of there to go see my dad I felt a lot lighter, I had a cry as I drove because I finally had closure about his family. I wasn't even bothered about ex anymore, the thing that hurt was how they had completely cut me out as if I was nothing. But I'm at peace with that now.

After all that I went to see my dad, took him to get some bits, then he took me to the park as he wanted to show me what machines he uses there. Was a lovely day for it. Came home, date guy asked if I still wanted to go out but I told him I needed to postpone, I felt so drained. I watched some films then went to bed. Was meant to run today but with this wind and rain I don't think it's particularly safe. I'm going to cook a casserole later and just chill.

GlendaSugarbean

Well done on getting things resolved, I'm glad your mum was there to back you up. Your ex isn't much of a prize, is he? 

astrocytic_kitten

I’ve been wondering how you were, thanks for updating us. Sounds cathartic but stressful, well done you for being so calm and yet sticking up for yourself effectively. 

I’m not surprised you’re feeling drained after a couple of days like that, I hope you’re being kind to yourself and the cats are looking after you 😺

astrocytic_kitten

Oh, and there’s always a bit of staging to be done when selling, but it’s beyond ridiculous expecting you to essentially have it show home ready while (1) they’re still decorating and getting paint everywhere and (2) it’s not actually on the market yet 🙄 

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks guys, your comments are spot on as usual! Exactly @astrocytic_kitten, I know that when this is all done and it's time for photos/viewings I will have to make an effort to keep it show ready most of the time. But not when they're still moving round furniture and painting! @GlendaSugarbean no he isn't, ofc I knew all these traits when I was with him and they frustrated the hell out of me, but you put up with it for love don't you

I basically just chilled the rest of yesterday, did some washing etc but had a snooze, finished my book, had some wine, made the casserole (very nice!). I feel like I've been hit by a tonne of bricks after that yoga session (plus I did some arm dips in the park with my Dad and they were hard ) Back at work today, will try and run tonight as I couldn't go yesterday, maybe just 4 miles depending on how I feel. I had a look at the Plum investment, and the £50 did go through, they won't be investing it until the 18th Feb. I'm not sure if I said this, but I got a voicemail from the company that I did the telephone interview, her VM cut off for a bit but it sounded like she wanted to take me to the next stage. I've just had an email as well. Will have to think about how to say no without being rude! I packaged up the top I sold last week, will get that sent today.

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, couple of days since I last posted, I think this new layout is putting me off, I don't really like it!
So my run on Monday didn't happen, the wind was still major here and as soon as I got home the heavens opened. Just did some yoga, had my dinner and chilled.
Last night I was out with uni guy, had a few drinks at the pub but I had dinner before I went out. We bought two rounds each, I spent just under £20 including drinks and a bus there and back. It was nice, there's definitely no attraction there in the romantic sense, but it was fun to talk about what happened at uni, took me right back! I've never felt so cold in my life though on the way to the bus stop, was so glad to get home. Didn't go to bed until after midnight  
The plan for tonight is to go for a run, do some cleaning, and then chill. I've got £96 to last me until payday, I should be able to do it just need to keep an eye on it. 
I've been reading a book called To Die For: Is Fashion Wearing Out The World? and although it was written and published in 2011, a lot of it is still really relevant now, and it's interesting to read about the time before supermarket fashion, the rise of Primark, Topshop etc. Really solidifies how I feel about the fast fashion world now. I'm so glad I got a library card, there's no way I'd be able to read these types of books usually as I wouldn't pay the money for them, but when I've got an interest I get a bit obsessive and want to read/watch everything I can about it

StartingAgainAt29

Well I've been a bit cheeky but I'm sure you lot can keep a secret
I might have mentioned that I have a separate savings pot that me and ex used for house stuff, it's in one of my savings accounts. I've moved what is my half of it into my monzo savings pot, as I've got a good interest rate so might as well make the most of it. I'm not including it in my savings total though, I don't see it as *my* money per se. I decided to go to Home Bargains as I needed to replace sponges and dish cloths (ex's mum keeps throwing away my sponges and the dish cloths were all covered in paint ) So, I've used £10 of this savings pot to buy new sponges, and a big pack of dish cloths (I'm going to leave 3 out with a note for ex's mum to say these are hers to use, not the others!), and while I was in there I got myself a soup container for work (easier than keep lugging in big tupperware boxes), and some lentils, butter beans and stuffing mix (for a recipe I'm going to do on Sunday). Oh and some jaffa cakes as I'm so tired from last night and have a long run planned later. It's our secret

StartingAgainAt29

Morning everyone!
Smashed my run last night, did 4.5 miles and felt so good by the end I sprinted the last half mile! Averaged 10:15mins per mile which is a great time for me. I seem to run better after a night of booze and little sleep Cleaned the bathroom last night, made lentil curry (although put too many lentils in and didn't cook them long enough....I didn't get a bad stomach after though so sure I'll be fine!), will have another portion tonight and one went in the freezer.
I'm going food shopping after work so will have some spends, need to get things like toilet roll so will likely be over £20. Put some more of ex's items on ebay last night and had an offer 2 quid under - going to counter back with 50p under my price, it's jeans brand new with tags so definitely worth more than they bid. Let's see if they take it. I'm not doing great with earning money this month but I've felt so busy. Will try and get some surveys done over the next couple of days/weekend.
Suppose I better get to doing some work!

little_green

@StartingAgainAt29 just popping in to say still enoying reading your updates  
can't believe how much you run either well done, if there's one thing i hate it's jogging. Tried to take it up but i just suck at it, no stamina