Dealing with Debt and Depression.

skintscotslass

Hi Lucy. I was really gob smacked (in a good way) at how everyone reacted when I told them I have depression. My family are at the point of 'killing me with kindness' and asking if I'm ok every 5 mins. But I think thats better than 'lets pretend its not happening' Everyone at work has been really good too. And so they blooming well should when it was all work related! Just like Jacks. I'm pretty good with spreadsheets. What would you like? PS Jacks, cant find the thread about cheap make up, but I was out on Saturday and the £1.88 blusher worked a treat!! Oh and I met Cliff Barnes from Dallas and got my pic taken. if only I could upload pics from my mob!!

Storm

Hi everyone,

I've had depression and stress bouts since last March time, and recently been so bad I wasn't even coming on here cos I just didn't want to face up to my debt - seemed a far better idea to just pay minimums for a few months and spend money on crap. Anyway, don't know how much use I'll be at support, but happy to try!

I've still not told my mum I'm depressed - my dad was really bad for about 5 years, and her reaction was awful - I don't think she believes that depression is real! The rest of my family and close friends know, and to be honest the odd ones who reacted badly aren't my friends anymore.

Storm x

bathgatebuyer

Mupeteer wrote: »

I've had depression for the last eight years on and off (but mostly on:o ) and one thing I can't stand is people telling me I just need to get over it. They have no idea what it's like and obviously aren't interested. I even lost my best friend because she took that attitude. As far as she was concerned it's time wasters and lazy people who 'claim' to suffer from stress and depression. Nice!

That is soo right. About 8 years ago I went to my GP - which took a helluva lot to go and see him as I was concerned about having the 'mental health' label on my records (particularly as I've had to decalre on every insuracne policy, pension, mortgage and job medical I've had since:mad: - and after breaking down in tears in his office, he said, "What's making you depressed?" like I could just easily answer. I ended up walking out. He thought that the year or so of depression I'd suffered could just be settled with a quick 5 mins in his surgery!

I ended up changing doctor and met a wonderful young GP who offered me counselling and / or medication. Th counselling was fine, tiring, but fine! I don't know if that helped me get over my depression (although I'm not sure you ever get over it, just accept the waves when they come and ride them out). Now I avoiud the things that make me angry and depressed - usually other people if I'm honest. Tried very hard to make friends when I moved to the city. Some of them treated me quite badly, and that's probably why I went on a mammoth pick-me-up spending spree that lasted about 5 years :rotfl:

Anyhoo, spending is under control, and I can nearly see an end to my debts, but if I'm honest with myself, the only way I can cope is by distancing myself from people, not trying too hard with people to make friends. I used to get so hurt when time after time I'd ask people, "Want to go for a coffee / cinema / shopping / football / pub / gym / etc this lunchtime / weekend / evening.................." and always get a straight 'no' or 'ok' and then they never turned up. Hell, it even happened at the Millenium Hogmanay Street Party!!!!! I waited 8 hours for my mate to turn up. The 'bells' rang at midnight and of the half million people in Edinburgh that night, I was on my own crying my eyes out. That was the point I probably felt most alone in life. The irony is, that year I'd had radiotherapy and getting over that should have been the start of a wonderful period in my life.

Jeez, just remembering how awful that was has really cheered me up as I'm generally quite enjoying life at the moment - even with £6K out of £34K worth of debt remaining!

Lucy1982_2

I think is amazing how many people suffer with this. And I can relate to so many of you when you say that people thinks you are pulling a fast one. One of the people I work with just looks at me as if to say your 25 what have you got to be depressed about. Fortunately she is leaving at the end of the year.

Money is looking tight I sat down and worked out what I have left once all my bills and petrol have gone out and I am looking at £94.45 to last until the 20th and I still have some Christmas presents to buy. And they are big ones to, Mum, OH and his mum. I might have to dip into my OD a little, but it is 0% and I am really going to hit them hard in the new year.

But how does this sound for a plan, I was thinking of leaving all my direct debts coming out of my Lloyds account, leaving a little extra in there in case my phone bill is bigger than normal and transfering my spends and petrol money into my A and L account with and extra £50 to pay it off a month. Which would leave about £100 to overpay on my Laptop which means it would be gone in about 4 months.

Does this sound like good idea? Oh and any idea's on how to make the £94.45 stretch the best?

SSL - I have a basic, this is what I pay out spreadsheet which includes all my debt totals, but I was wondering if I could get it to automatically take amounts out of my total. I guess I just want something really simple to use, but I'm not very IT minded so I'm not really all that sure what I do what....

Take care everyone x

Lucy1982_2

Ok, I have progress....

I have told OH that I can't afford to take him to the Rugby tomorrow night (for once thinking of myself) he said ok, don't worry. I then spend about 1hr worrying about it, texted him to say sorry and he has told me off for worrying about it.

The progress.... I thought about myself, realised I couldn't afford it and rather than just think I'll pay for it out of my OD, I cancelled the event and promised we will do it next time, when I have the cash.

I think that's progress, I feel a little selfish although I know it's the best and only option. OMG.... just realised that I need to do this SO much more.... just need to get over the nasty, cruel person feeling.....

115K

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

I used to get so hurt when time after time I'd ask people, "Want to go for a coffee / cinema / shopping / football / pub / gym / etc this lunchtime / weekend / evening.................." and always get a straight 'no' or 'ok' and then they never turned up. Hell, it even happened at the Millenium Hogmanay Street Party!!!!! I waited 8 hours for my mate to turn up. The 'bells' rang at midnight and of the half million people in Edinburgh that night, I was on my own crying my eyes out. That was the point I probably felt most alone in life. The irony is, that year I'd had radiotherapy and getting over that should have been the start of a wonderful period in my life.

((((HUGS)))) that sounded awful for you.

Lucy - you sound like you are doing well at moment well done.

hazel34

Hi Lucy, and everyone else that's joined in with this post!

I've suffered with depression and anxiety for the last 13 years (which is 'coincidentally' the same amount of time I have been struggling with severe debt, and the same amount of time since I married a violent drunk with a gambling problem! Now a distant memory, I should add). I take enough medication each day to floor a shire horse, and also have to deal with a disability that restricts my life and leaves me in constant pain. "Pain Management"... that's a phrase that makes me snigger - in depression it's a struggle to "manage" anything! I soooo know how you feel.

But I just wanted to let you know that even when life throws it's roughest cards at you, you CAN get through it with support, and I think you've found support on this forum. It can sometimes just be a case of doing what you need to do to get through each day, but you have to use the better days to give yourself some positivity for the future too - set yourself goals, and allow yourself to dream a little about how you want things to be in the future, and work out how to make those dreams a reality! They don't even have to be big dreams - mine are just to be free of debt, and to have my depression under control.

I've just entered into an IVA, and although the next five years are going to be tough, I am finally in control of my finances for the first time in over a decade - and it feels good. I'd rather be skint than out of control! I have built some pretty nifty spreadsheets to control my budget, and would be happy to help you out with yours - I'm a bit of a whizz with excel. PM me your email address and I'll give you a hand.

Keep positive, keep dreaming, and keep control! You'll be fine x x x

Lucy1982_2

hazel34 wrote: »

Hi Lucy, and everyone else that's joined in with this post!

I've suffered with depression and anxiety for the last 13 years (which is 'coincidentally' the same amount of time I have been struggling with severe debt, and the same amount of time since I married a violent drunk with a gambling problem! Now a distant memory, I should add). I take enough medication each day to floor a shire horse, and also have to deal with a disability that restricts my life and leaves me in constant pain. "Pain Management"... that's a phrase that makes me snigger - in depression it's a struggle to "manage" anything! I soooo know how you feel.

But I just wanted to let you know that even when life throws it's roughest cards at you, you CAN get through it with support, and I think you've found support on this forum. It can sometimes just be a case of doing what you need to do to get through each day, but you have to use the better days to give yourself some positivity for the future too - set yourself goals, and allow yourself to dream a little about how you want things to be in the future, and work out how to make those dreams a reality! They don't even have to be big dreams - mine are just to be free of debt, and to have my depression under control.

I've just entered into an IVA, and although the next five years are going to be tough, I am finally in control of my finances for the first time in over a decade - and it feels good. I'd rather be skint than out of control! I have built some pretty nifty spreadsheets to control my budget, and would be happy to help you out with yours - I'm a bit of a whizz with excel. PM me your email address and I'll give you a hand.

Keep positive, keep dreaming, and keep control! You'll be fine x x x

Wow! Thanks. Sounds like your ex is one you should be glad to be rid of! Good luck with your IVA, just think 5 years will pass so quickly!

I do keep dreaming, but current dream is to be without an OD and laptop debt by my birthday, it's going to be tough, but if I budget ok, I should manage it.

Thanks x

Lucy1982_2

Hazel.

Basically my Spreadsheet lists my income and all of my outgoings, but it is just a list of numbers, I'm wondering if there is another way of doing it. It makes my eyes all blurry!

The only thing I really know how to do is auto sum

Thanks x

hazel34

You WILL manage it, especially if you do yourself a proper budget spreadsheet which will show you where you're going wrong if you overspend. And the feeling of being in tight control of your finances is actually very rewarding - it makes you feel as if you're in control of your life rather than the other way round! And although it's only a relatively short-term problem you're dealing with, learning to budget and be careful with your money in that way will set you up for life. Shout if you need help with the spreadsheets x