Moving forward and upwards

MovingForwards

He doesn't want to get checked, waiting list is too long and others are worse than him. On top of that he won't get help for depression.

I can't do any more to help as it has to come from within.

savingholmes

It is frustrating. Perhaps if you did your PIP it would show him the way. I struggle to believe you wouldn't qualify too. I have to keep telling myself to not beat myself up about not applying sooner. It could have made such a difference if we'd had it earlier - and I think potentially our whole family qualifies... Time will tell though

atrixa

I was considering going for a neuro appt too and the waiting lists are ridiculous. However, if Tombo is struggling to hold down a job it's best for him to get the ball rolling so any support is there off the back of a diagnosis. I agree with you completely though, it has to come from him.

Skint_yet_Again

I’m sorry to hear Tombo won’t try to get any help. It leaves a lot on your shoulders for you to cope with. Hopefully if you get your claim in it will help financially & help him see the way forward 

MovingForwards

Thanks SH, Atrixa and Skinty

Things came to a head yesterday, however we've turned it around, back together and I've got some information out of him.

He wants to work, feels less of a man when he doesn't and hates seeing me struggling to get out and go to work. He also wants to try and keep his job as it's helping build money to move somewhere quiet. But admits he can't be the affectionate, talking about feelings man I 'need'.

I've told him I'm happier when he doesn't work as everything gets done at home, which is stuff I can't do due to working; yes it's stressful having one income, but I'm quite settled in my job even with its quirks. I also said he's too protective of my health and we should be doing things on the weekend eg going for coffee and seeing places, even if it's just sitting in the car. I also said about a few insignificant things eg I like roses outside, not in a vase.

I'm convinced he has PTSD due to certain events and what was witnessed during his time in service. I know from friends who've been in the forces how much punishment bodies are put under with training and the job, that's why his body causes so many problems for him.
- I have no concerns if he applied for P1P and was totally honest, he'd get if off the application alone.

Anyhow, I'd better get ready, it's another snowy, crabby drive today.

Skint_yet_Again

Sorry to hear about the struggles you are both having. Maybe you could encourage Tombo to contact saffa. There may be a local support group of people with similar situations, to give him someone to talk to & maybe they would encourage and help him claim what he is entitled to. 

My uncle lost both his legs and got lots of help from saffa. I know many men still see physical disabilities and injuries as “real”and hide mental health issues but maybe those others with ptsd & similar can help him 

MovingForwards

I've tried all these years Skinty, he feels others need the limited available help more than he does. 

I have to accept things will never be easy with the two of us and occasionally it comes to the surface.

Skint_yet_Again

It’s sad that he doesn’t see himself deserving of help even if it’s just talking to ex service personnel with the same problems. As you said there is nothing you can do to make him seek help but I suppose you have to accept it and live with it. Good luck to you both x

MovingForwards

Thanks Skinty, he thinks I can do a lot better than being with him, which is why we're not Mr and Mrs. I can only hope one day he realises I'm here to stay.

He's talking more today, which always seems to happen after a clear the air conversation. It will last a couple of weeks, before he shuts down again.

I'm trying a different tactic with financial matters. Short messages, saying what I think, giving a second option and asking for input. That seems to work.
- He wants me to continue clearing the car finance quick and then reverting to saving.

We are supposed to be going out Sunday, as it's looking like the weather will be ok.

Tomato soup, with cheese and chilli bread for tea.

£146 in the bank, most of it earmarked for the CF payment. 3 days until payday.

savingholmes

You continue to do well. Hope things sort for Tombo