Sharing income when moving in together

Mrs_Ryan

I work part time- 25 hours a week. Not out of choice but because my disabilities mean that I will probably never again work full time. Despite having a degree and Masters, I am working in a entry level Civil Service job. My OH is a postal worker and earns roughly about 3 times what I do thanks to the heavy amount of overtime he does. He no longer needs to do overtime since he got a loan to pay off his debts but he’s now used to it. OH’s wages pay the bills. My wages pay for stuff that isn’t bills related but allows us to have a life rather than just exist. This works for us! There were several years when I had cancer that I didn’t work- but I never expected OH to keep me. And now even though there is such a huge discrepancy in our wages I always try to pay my way in some sense.

sooty&sweep

Hi
It depends what the relationship is.

If it's two people choosing to live together & one wants to work parttime / not really make much effort to maximise their income & expecting their partner to subsidise then then yes I can see the posters point. I would object if my partner wanted to lounge around the house, go to the gym etc etc whilst I worked to fund that lifestyle.

Or if it's a more established relationship & there is a plan to have children etc then totally different situation. If one partner doesn't maximise their career potential / earning potential to raise a family then I would disagree as they are contributing in other ways.

Jen

Spendless

maman wrote: »

I'd be curious to know which skills and talents your wife brought (excluding when she might have had children and taken maternity leave) that equated to the hugely more financial contribution you have made.

We have a similar discrepency in finances with a 20 year marriage.

So, I was able to provide 24/7 childcare all year round whilst husband attended early morning/late night meetings, worked away o/night every single week, attended conferences abroad upto a week long upto twice a year. None of which he would have been able to do if he'd been responsible for childcare, or I'd had a job with similar demands. This includes me not working for this year when our child developed MH problems and we became too worried to leave her alone unattended, even though she was almost 16, so if a 'skill and talent' includes perhaps preventing a teenage suicide then yes perhaps it's comparable to the hugely more financial contribution made by my spouse.

CRANKY40

I've always found that the best way to pool resources is to have a joint account for bills. The amount that each person pays is agreed in advance. The higher earner may agree to cover slightly more than the lower earner - for example when I went part time after having our son my husband paid nursery fees. Before I was widowed my husband travelled the world with his job and I stayed home, kept house, child minded and worked part time. I think our split was roughly 60/40 to reflect that I spent more time with our son than his nursery did because that was what we wanted. That's we as a couple, not just me. Write down a list of possible expenses, total it up then if half of that comes to more than your girlfriend's income, have a think about what you are prepared to actually pay for.

This way you have your own money once all the bills are paid. If you want to save or spend it on hobbies etc that's up to you. It also stops a person who is careful with money regardless of the amount they are earning feeling like they are a 24 hour cashpoint for their partner.

Zero_Sum

74jax wrote: »

We moved in and didn't split income. Hubby earns a lot more than me, but we both don't actually spend all our income, so really doesn't make a difference to us.

I think if one had money left over and the other didn't and was struggling then it would make more sense to me to pool resources.

And what if the one struggling was onl doing so as they cant stop spending?
I have a friend who's OH was like that. Now split up as a result of this & she's left him with a £30k credit card debt. If they had seperate finances & was a bit more hands on with the finances with her it couldve avoided that situation.

onwards&upwards

maman wrote: »

No, but using my skills and training and educational opportunities that women have had since 1944 is very important to me. I see myself as an equal and expect to take equal responsibility in the workplace as well as the home. I'm heartily fed up with men being expected to be the 'breadwinner' and I suppose many men are too.

Ok, well here’s an example of work and skills that women usually do but don’t get paid for.

My folks have been married 40 years. Both work but my dad earns a lot more.

In those 40 years my dad has been able to go to work and come home and enjoy his time at home because he has never had to:

Arrange childcare
Be the one who gets called when kids are ill/schools closes etc.
Sort out doctor/dentist/hospital appointments for kids
Look after elderly parents (his sister does it)
Meal plan
Manage the family finances
Book or plan a holiday
Remember any birthdays
Shop for birthdays/Christmas
Arrange/plan any home improvements or even notice when things are ready for a refresh or have broken

They love each ther and my dad is a good guy, but he wouldn’t think to wash a towel until it was walking around on its own, and the one time my mum asked him to sort out the home insurance he left them without cover for a week because he didn’t get round to it. He can cook anything as long as the packet clearly states how long it should be in the oven or microwave for!

Things are getting better in younger couples, but in loads women still do pretty much all the ‘running’ of the household which is still completely essential.

NBLondon

Look at the OP's question - is it sharing income or is it sharing expenses? There are those who have worked on the one-pot principle (all income is shared and and all expenses are shared) for decades and it works fine for them. If your expectation is that you are in it for the long haul ('till death us do part) and both agree - that's fine. But if it's your second (or more) go round then people will be more cautious.

If you're not both going into it with the same general outlook then that's where it gets difficult. If you can't then discuss it and come to an agreement - then that's the time to re-think the moving in. Maybe that requires the head to overrule the heart (or other anatomy in some cases).

zagfles

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Ok, well here’s an example of work and skills that women usually do but don’t get paid for.

My folks have been married 40 years. Both work but my dad earns a lot more.

In those 40 years my dad has been able to go to work and come home and enjoy his time at home because he has never had to:

Arrange childcare
Be the one who gets called when kids are ill/schools closes etc.
Sort out doctor/dentist/hospital appointments for kids
Look after elderly parents (his sister does it)
Meal plan
Manage the family finances
Book or plan a holiday
Remember any birthdays
Shop for birthdays/Christmas
Arrange/plan any home improvements or even notice when things are ready for a refresh or have broken

They love each ther and my dad is a good guy, but he wouldn’t think to wash a towel until it was walking around on its own, and the one time my mum asked him to sort out the home insurance he left them without cover for a week because he didn’t get round to it. He can cook anything as long as the packet clearly states how long it should be in the oven or microwave for!

Things are getting better in younger couples, but in loads women still do pretty much all the ‘running’ of the household which is still completely essential.

Yup and for many couples it's an arrangement that works well, but as pointed out it needs to be something they're both happy with. And clearly the OP isn't, nor are quite a lot of other posters here.

onwards&upwards

zagfles wrote: »

Yup and for many couples it's an arrangement that works well, but as pointed out it needs to be something they're both happy with. And clearly the OP isn't, nor are quite a lot of other posters here.

I’m sure my dad is very happy with it but I suspect my mum wishes he pulled his weight a bit more outside of his paid job!

svain

I would of said it depends where in life you are. If you are both coming into this after previous marriages and are heading towards 50+ age group and no children to consider and have own assets and incomes then i think seperate pots is probably the best idea