Sharing income when moving in together

Socajam

If this was me, I would make it a condition that if the person earning a lower salary had debts, now would be the right time to double up on payments and get rid of them. I would give them a time range that I would expect those debts to be gone.
I would need proof that this is being done and that no further spending on cards etc is taking place.
If I am prepared to carry the load, then you as the lower earner need to rid yourself of that monkey on your back. Failure to do so, would mean that we are not compatible financially and I would look for a way out.

maman

TELLIT01 wrote: »

I've been married nearly 40 years and for virtually all that time earned more than my wife. For a large part of the time I was earning between 2 and 3 times as much as her. It never crossed my mind for a moment that I was subsidising her, and I sincerely hope that she has never felt that I resented her for 'living off my money'. It's always been a partnership with each of us bringing different strengths and skills to it.
The OP refers to moving in together, so it's the early stages of a relationship. In that situation, given the very clear difference in opinion about finances between the parties, it would seem sensible to keep their wages separate and make a decision on whether household bills should be split 50/50 or more proportionately based on income. How other costs are split is a separate conversation.

I'd be curious to know which skills and talents your wife brought (excluding when she might have had children and taken maternity leave) that equated to the hugely more financial contribution you have made.

onwards&upwards

Pollycat wrote: »

My guess is probably not.
That thread is from. 2016 and in a later thread from last year the OP talks about divorce and buying a new house.

What a shock.

onwards&upwards

maman wrote: »

I'd be curious to know which skills and talents your wife brought (excluding when she might have had children and taken maternity leave) that equated to the hugely more financial contribution you have made.

:eek:

Wow, money is really important to you.

[Deleted User]

maman wrote: »

I'd be curious to know which skills and talents your wife brought (excluding when she might have had children and taken maternity leave) that equated to the hugely more financial contribution you have made.

40 years ago women's earning capacity was far below men's. Furthermore, the hours and travel required by some high paying jobs make it impractical for both parents to have those kinds of jobs. I know a lot of people who earn good money working offshore or even doing a 28 day/28 day rotation where both partners/spouses couldn't do the same and raise a family.

maman

onwards&upwards wrote: »

:eek:

Wow, money is really important to you.

No, but using my skills and training and educational opportunities that women have had since 1944 is very important to me. I see myself as an equal and expect to take equal responsibility in the workplace as well as the home. I'm heartily fed up with men being expected to be the 'breadwinner' and I suppose many men are too.

zagfles

maman wrote: »

No, but using my skills and training and educational opportunities that women have had since 1944 is very important to me. I see myself as an equal and expect to take equal responsibility in the workplace as well as the home. I'm heartily fed up with men being expected to be the 'breadwinner' and I suppose many men are too.

Being "expected" to be the breadwinner, yes. Similar to women being expected to do the housework. But choosing to is a different matter.

I work full time in a job I enjoy and my wife works part time in a fairly low paid job that she enjoys, she does all the housework which means we're both "working" about the same.

We're both happy with the arrangement, I much prefer my job to doing housework. If I was in a high stress or boring job it would be different.

maman

zagfles wrote: »

Being "expected" to be the breadwinner, yes. Similar to women being expected to do the housework. But choosing to is a different matter.

I work full time in a job I enjoy and my wife works part time in a fairly low paid job that she enjoys, she does all the housework which means we're both "working" about the same.

We're both happy with the arrangement, I much prefer my job to doing housework. If I was in a high stress or boring job it would be different.

If you're both happy with the arrangement then that's fine. I know it wouldn't suit me and I don't think it suits OP either which is why he asked for opinions.

ska_lover

maman wrote: »

No, but using my skills and training and educational opportunities that women have had since 1944 is very important to me. I see myself as an equal and expect to take equal responsibility in the workplace as well as the home. I'm heartily fed up with men being expected to be the 'breadwinner' and I suppose many men are too.

Hear Hear

I think my attitude stems from my childhood

Whilst I know my Dad never, for a minute, resented being the main breadwinner (very generous and giving bloke) - I am sure parents realise that their kids are silently watching and learning / making notes. I hasten to add that my parents were both happy with the arrangement, it is the teachings they were passing on..

Although he never resented it himself, - I resented bearing witness to my Dad doing two, or sometimes three jobs and often worked 7 days a week

maman

ska_lover wrote: »

Hear Hear

I think my attitude stems from my childhood

Whilst I know my Dad never, for a minute, resented being the main breadwinner (very generous and giving bloke) - I am sure parents realise that their kids are silently watching and learning / making notes. I hasten to add that my parents were both happy with the arrangement, it is the teachings they were passing on..

Although he never resented it himself, - I resented bearing witness to my Dad doing two, or sometimes three jobs and often worked 7 days a week

Yes, that's an excellent point. It doesn't matter how much schools and others are trying to teach girls what they can achieve if in the home this isn't being reinforced or encouraged.

I was fortunate in my childhood. My father was the breadwinner and my mother didn't work outside the home but she did lots of voluntary work as an organiser and leader and never came across as the 'little woman'. Both encouraged me (as much as my brothers) to work hard at school and choose good careers.