Countdown from £28k...

ryanm8655

Happy new year all!

Leaving done! Suddenly felt a sense of elation on the m27 so think the anxiety was guilt/feeling bad for leaving. Did have a teary moment after their text having read my card. 

Left them a card with a long note thanking them. Realised at the end I hadn’t even mentioned the debt ha. But it was always about much more than that. Debt was just a symptom.

Got a very nice text post card reading.

Left the firestick and pans behind. As I was packing the last things, auntie made a point of putting something on for kids. I’d made up my mind to just leave it prior but did make me chuckle. Also wouldn’t let me put a few items of rubbish in the bin, said I had to take them with me But I guess that’s down to their own issues, not personal.

Funny how I can be chilled about it all and see things from a different perspective now.

One more sleep!

maddiemay

@ryanm8655 de-lurking to say how pleased I am for you that "the leaving" went well.  Best wishes for the next stage of your life, 2021 etc.

Sunshine_girl2

Been reading your diary for months , just come out of lurkedom to say Happy New Year and look forward to reading about your new adventure . 

ryanm8655

Thanks for checking in both, really appreciate it. It’s interesting seeing new faces on the journey. I follow a number of diaries myself without having posted, making me think I should probably say a motivational hello ha.

Still have the mother of all hangovers. Not yet moved from uncles sofa but he’s still in bed so all good

Even miserable and hanging, with the prospect of unpacking the car tomorrow everything feels so light...things seem so much clearer...no second guessing myself. No resentment for the family, seeing things much more clearly and can reflect on them as nothing personal.

I should probably sort the Internet out as a priority but just can’t be bothered to function today

Seeing my healthy bank balance deplete is going to hurt Time to be a grown up again ha. The pain is worth it though. Used to sort all the bills etc. When me and a mate had a place but I didn’t even think about the money. I shopped around etc. As I’ve always been keen on value but I just mean I didn’t feel anything about the money. I didn’t check bank balance as didn’t want to know...I suppose it was akin to drowning issues out with booze, which I also did plenty of with them constant party lifestyle. I’m glad that has changed and I get that mild guilt/anxiety about spending.

I still hope one day to never have to worry about money. Me and my mates used to joke about making it being when you wander into M&S and can buy whatever you like (food wise) without looking at the prices But for now it is progress that I’m conscious of it.

Plan for the year ahead...build savings...consolidate position at work and learn some new skills (hopefully get masters funded). Have fun!

enthusiasticsaver

Happy New Year. Just keep a careful eye on the bank balance for the next few months while you are adjusting to paying bills again and building up your cushion no doubt depleted from moving a bit earlier than you might have liked. Are you selling the car? 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

You’re so close to getting out mate.

Family sounds like you’re better off getting out and leaving them to it imo. You’re not going back to getting yourself in anymore debt so you’re not going to need that room. Maybe they’ve got every confidence in you and have a dry sense of humour or something idk. Your mum sounds like she’s got issues of her own but who the !!!!!! says that to a son’s gf idk probably on drugs or something. I know those in glass houses and all that not like I’m a saint in that regard ha so probably shouldn’t comment. 

Move has happened very quickly mate which def would leave me unsettled, no time to get used to it and you’ve been having to buy all the household stuff too. 

Re 0% card - what’s the ROI on the LISA? Could be worth it if it’s a decent return but if typical almost non-existent return typical for savings accounts what’s the point? 

You done the dry jan before? First time for me lol. Half strangely looking forward to it, don’t think I’ve had a month off alcohol since being about 16 ha. 

Sorry, missed these in the craziness of packing. Car is full to the brim...

Family do have a dry sense of humour but are also just odd. Not letting me put 3 small things in the bin demonstrates the weirdness Such a relief to escape. Hope their therapy works because that is all levels of ducked up

Yeah my mum is a scumbag, smoked weed all day, every day for her whole life. Always chooses scummy blokes, 5 kids by different dads etc. My sister is just her reincarnation but even worse. Both had kids for themselves and what a kid gives them. Sister had all her kids taken away, doesn’t even send her son an Xmas present, told me she just had kids to make her feel loved. Sums them up, only ever interested in what is in it for them. No interest in seeing their kids do well whatsoever. Glad to have escaped. Rest of the family are decent, my mum is very much the black sheep, though all families have their issues. (Feel like I can be more open about this stuff now). Glad that that part of the family is firmly in the past ha. Another reason I could never live back “home” longterm, too many reminders of that crap, London is a world away and a different life.

Anxiety has completely dissipated now that I’ve left. Think it was just the guilt/stress of the living situation. So weird, was grinning like a Cheshire Cat on my way to my uncles (did shed a few tears as well) and that isn’t meant as a slight on the family at all. Just the sheer relief and not having to constantly consider how I’m impacting others. 

LISA gives a 25% bonus on upto £4K per annum (basically the new help to buy ISA). So 0% card makes sense if it enables me to max the £4K out by 1st April. But if I sell my car then that should comfortably allow me to do so...though sort of coming around to keeping the car. Insurance is £40/month and it won’t need any maintenance beyond mot next November and a £200 service at the same time. Probably will just sell though...

Dry jan - I did it last year. Did about 6 weeks booze free back in September, just because I’d been drinking a lot for stress relief and decided I needed a reset. I’d recommend it. Sleep gets better, head feels clearer. Like with the finances, I’ll never be tee total but it’s all about balance. I did find after a while of not drinking the costs outweighed the benefits, stress returned, head became cloudier again etc. But a break certainly helps and I have a much healthier relationship with booze now. Can have a couple without the need for a bender (but that’s probably stress driven too) now. Reckon dry jan will do you some good. I’m the same re: the 16 comment, drank most weekends since 16 ha. Bad really...

Sholly said:

ryanm8655 said:

Appreciate I’m being oversensitive and I do think there is something deeper going on in terms of realising I’m on my own in the world in light of how family have been/not feeling appreciated/being outcast a bit/the money grabbing, I suppose it’s not being happy about my successes but just seeing what’s in it for them and seemingly resenting it, which is how things were when I was a kid. Mum would try and take credit for my successes, even using it to attempt to exempt herself from responsibility for her other kids being !!!!!! ups. “Well look at Ryan”. Also resented me doing well as it made her feel insecure, to the extent of trying to sabotage it, which is how the log burner saga felt. (E.g. mother once asked gf lived with whether I was  controlling or hitting her - I’m the complete opposite of those things and fortunately my gf’s reaction was “!!!!!! is wrong with her” and it wasn’t a new relationship). I feel more fine with that than I’ve ever felt to be honest and feel like I’ve acknowledged and accepted it, so I’m not sure, that said it is a bit of a shock for this family to act in the same manner...but there is probably a bit of processing going on as I did feel like a valued member of the family for a while, which I hadn’t really had before from my own family. So it’s probably some kind of loss/abandonment thing making me really sensitive to a situation that would be pretty tenuous anyway...

Do you think the feelings of being alone might be related to lockdown too? Not being able to see friends etc?

I've been reading your diary for ages and have just caught up so haven't posted before but your comments about your mum really struck a chord with me - it sounds very similar to my childhood! Is she a blood relative of the relatives that you've been staying with? These difficult personalities tend to run in families!

Not really sure re: lockdown but possibly. Don’t think that has actually kicked into my thinking yet but may be wrong. But I’ve not properly seen my friends in months...actually think I’ll see more of them now once not in tier 4 as was going overboard on the Covid rules, not seeing anyone beyond family for fear of judgement ha.

Yes, blood relative of my auntie. Auntie is the complete opposite end of the spectrum, very by the book etc. But I guess we all have our issues and anxieties... It is interesting when you speak to people and soon realise that people you assume had a perfect life have had their own crap to deal with. Sorry to hear it sounds like yours was crappy too! If I do bring kids into the world they’ll certainly live a very different life.

enthusiasticsaver said:

ryanm8655 said:

Haha, maybe...

Uncles place now tier 4 so they tried to say I can’t go. But as I’m moving need to go there anyway to pick up some stuff...

Did say as long as I pay my rent first...

Feel a bit guilty disappearing so quickly and on New Years Eve, sort of sense they’re a bit disappointed but it’s so hard to tell. When I said, their first reaction was “you don’t have to go then” and then this evening it was “it’s tier 4 now so you can’t go”.

Either way just want the awkwardness to end  

It feels a bit like when you break up with a girlfriend but you’re stuck in a flat together until the lease ends. Trying hard to get a long but there’s an awkward edge to things. You feel bad and occasionally things still seem good but then they do something that reminds you of why you’re breaking up

Good analogy.  I wonder if they are putting a brave face on it and over egging the plans for the spare room because they will miss you.  People are funny and sometimes they say things to cover up the way they really feel so I would not take their comments over the last few days to heart.  A bit of space will do you all some good. Only two more sleeps to go!  Is it Saturday you move in to your new place? 

Again, absolutely spot on. Now I’m out I can see this all a lot more clearly and see it for what it is. Very stressed people who have been through the ringer, it’s not personal. The not letting me put rubbish in the bin a case in point, sure they realise that was stupid  now ha. 

Saturday, yes. Cannot wait. At uncles right now. Feel so relieved even if I am hanging

Legs21

Well done Ryan. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for what you have achieved over the past year. You’ve come a long way from where you started and should be more than proud of yourself. Now you can start to enjoy the fruits of your labour. You’ve come to the end of a journey many people will only be starting this year as their LBM kicks in. The debt free journey is for so many people more than just paying down debts, it’s also a life reflecting and life changing journey. The longer the journey the more you learn. I am sure your diary will motivate so many people on the start of their journey and what can be achieved with a bit of grit, determination and a lot of planning. I’m sure that if you ever start getting a bit spendy in the future you’ll quickly reel yourself back in knowing it only leads to starting another diary on this forum 

I really hope you stick around on these diaries to help others on their journey. You’ve already given so much advice, encouragement and words of wisdom to others and long may you continue to do so. 

Enjoy your new flat/apartment/pad/gaff/crib (*delete as appropriate). If the silence ever becomes deafening, just think back to what it was like living in a noisy family house and enjoy the peace and quiet. 

You have your whole future ahead of you and I see nothing but good things for you. I, as a parent would be proud of you as a son.

Take care and good luck x

warby68

@ryanm8655 You are a man with a plan
Glad its gone as we thought, just everything in a bit too sharp focus because you were ready to move on. You and the family have done good overall by each other. That should stick not the niggles. Really hope they sort things for the boy though - that bit is hard to ignore. No doubt you are on the end of the phone if anyone needs you.

Good luck with the rest of the move and I've just chucked a pack of paracetamol on the end of your sofa. Bacon butties and a roast later for soaking up here if you want to drop by

gymgirl11

Happy New Year! sounds like the moving out process went a lot better than you may have expected but it must be nice to have that lifted off your shoulders and one less thing to think about! 

ryanm8655

Broadband sorted, to be installed on the 12th...probably should’ve planned better and booked it in advance...but can hotspot work phone in the meantime. 30mb for £17.99/month plus £9.99 connection fee, got £36 Quidco cash back too.

enthusiasticsaver said:

Happy New Year. Just keep a careful eye on the bank balance for the next few months while you are adjusting to paying bills again and building up your cushion no doubt depleted from moving a bit earlier than you might have liked. Are you selling the car? 

A sensible plan. Will know what I need to buy when I arrive tomorrow. Biggest expense is probably going to be hoover...will likely need a few kitchen bits as well but can add those as and when based on what’s needed most.

I still plan to sell the car but might keep it initially and monitor the finances. Might be helpful with picking bits up and still have some small bits at my grandmas that I wasn’t able to fit in the car.

warby68 said:

@ryanm8655 You are a man with a plan
Glad its gone as we thought, just everything in a bit too sharp focus because you were ready to move on. You and the family have done good overall by each other. That should stick not the niggles. Really hope they sort things for the boy though - that bit is hard to ignore. No doubt you are on the end of the phone if anyone needs you.

Good luck with the rest of the move and I've just chucked a pack of paracetamol on the end of your sofa. Bacon butties and a roast later for soaking up here if you want to drop by

Yes, I hope so. They’re having family therapy so hopefully it’s productive. Ha! That sounds perfect...has salmon, avocado and poached eggs for brunch and have a duck and venison banquet for dinner, so hopefully that cures me...

gymgirl11 said:

Happy New Year! sounds like the moving out process went a lot better than you may have expected but it must be nice to have that lifted off your shoulders and one less thing to think about! 

Yeah, I mean it was awkward but now that it’s done things seem to have gone back to normal family relationship wise and I certainly feel better. Hopefully they do too :-)

I do need to buy a new firestick and pans though and am still paying for their tv subscription as a result They also clearly still felt they deserve it as they offered me their old one after I’d left