Countdown from £28k...

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Sounds like you had a decent day all in all mate. Not long before you’re out of there now too. 

You’re right about my wife and food she’s obsessed with the tracking back on it today lol.

Made me laugh re crap gifts from old relatives. Sister and I remember those, parents lived a long way from family so lost touch really but my parents sent gifts up and they’d send gifts back. Sure one grandparent had no clue how old my sister and I actually were. They’d send down !!!!!! like hand knitted jumpers with crocheted (don’t know if that is even the word ha) flowers or tractors or some other thing you’d send to a tiny kid when we were in our teens FML. My mum and dad used to make us get a photo in these !!!!!! god awful jumpers basically having a right laugh then throw them but make us write a thank you letter with the photo stapled to it. Looking back it’s !!!!!! hilarious but back then mortified. Half thing the rel just did it for the laugh every year tbh.

Can’t post up you got a nice single malt without telling me what it was mate! 

Haha, it’s an aberlour 12 year, got the same last year and went down nicely.

Loving the jumper story, also remember being knitted a jumper. Asked for a football jumper and got some wool thing with a footballer knitted on the front

enthusiasticsaver said:

alt80 said:

Sounds like you had a decent day all in all mate. Not long before you’re out of there now too. 

You’re right about my wife and food she’s obsessed with the tracking back on it today lol.

Made me laugh re crap gifts from old relatives. Sister and I remember those, parents lived a long way from family so lost touch really but my parents sent gifts up and they’d send gifts back. Sure one grandparent had no clue how old my sister and I actually were. They’d send down !!!!!! like hand knitted jumpers with crocheted (don’t know if that is even the word ha) flowers or tractors or some other thing you’d send to a tiny kid when we were in our teens FML. My mum and dad used to make us get a photo in these !!!!!! god awful jumpers basically having a right laugh then throw them but make us write a thank you letter with the photo stapled to it. Looking back it’s !!!!!! hilarious but back then mortified. Half thing the rel just did it for the laugh every year tbh.

Can’t post up you got a nice single malt without telling me what it was mate! 

LOL we all remember gifts like that.  I remember without fail every Christmas my Aunt would buy my sister and I one of those cheap beauty sets which were definitely no good for teenagers and ended up going straight to charity shop after Christmas until my Mum suggested no more Christmas presents to her as we were getting too old.  We really didn't see her all year so she didn't know what we were into but the sickly sweet smell of the cosmetics made me gag. I have stopped  buying for my nieces and nephews as we don't really see them that often and they are grown up too so can buy most things they need. 

Yeah, I only buy for the immediate family, don’t bother with all the distant relatives. Should be a lot cheaper next year. Back to £200 on presents, though imagine I’ll spend more on the going out in the lead up haha.

ryanm8655

Feeling weird today

Just woken up angry and annoyed about how family have been etc. The weird false happiness and feel anxious to leave It doesn’t really make sense as nothing has happened and I’ve had a good nights sleep

On the one hand I feel happy and energised but on the other I feel annoyed and a lack of appreciation. Feels irrational but I guess it’s a build up of everything and the decent nights sleep to process it all.

The 2nd can’t come soon enough. 

Think I’ll start the packing and maybe pop out shopping for some essentials like plates/pillows etc.

stymied

Sounds like the post-Christmas come down and you’re about to embark on a big and exciting change. Your situation is very muddled so it’s no surprise your emotions are too. The thoughtful gifts and some genuine sadness at you leaving show that your family do appreciate you but it hasn’t felt like it recently. They’re in a bit of a mixed up place too plus seem to have a slightly odd relationship with money. Prepping to move forwards sounds like a good use of the day.

IrishSean

@stymied is spot on. 
I've had very mixed emotions about my in laws and lack of flexibility in the Christmas arrangements especially given my Dad died earlier in the year. That aside I put on the game face and it was good; controversy free. 

Glad your Christmas went well, prob better than expected. Remember, you've cleared £28k this month. That big part (and area of focus) of your life is over so there'll be an emotional vacuum. Bar my car loan I'm debt free from 1st week in Jan: in one sense it feels great but stressing and planning debt payments / savings replacement has been a huge part of my every day for 12+ years. I need a new focus; you have the new digs to focus on.

Bank the wins you've had over Christmas; you'll feel great again late Jan, early Feb, especially as your saving build...💪

warby68

Its a big change coming
Its bound to stir you up a bit.
The family sound like they've had a good bit of dysfunction and two bouts of serious, life threatening illness with a young family. I think their gifts show you are actually seen as family. Possibly the slightly shoddy treatment is precisely because of that and they feel they can do it rather than treating you as a guest. We do often take things out on people we 'can' and not the ones at fault and especially if there isn't anyone to blame, just life.
You're moving on in a positive way so just focus on that. 
I have a feeling they WILL miss you and, possibly,  the appreciation might come later. 

enthusiasticsaver

I think the fact they wanted you to stay close by rather than move back to London shows they do appreciate you but maybe don't notice the things you do and take them a bit for granted. Given one of the children is a bit difficult and health issues maybe they are just a bit overstretched and self absorbed. Are you going to your uncles for New Year? 

alt80

Never tried the Aberlour mate hope you enjoy it. Have a bit of a scotch collection but won’t be buying anymore for a long time ha. 

The family sounds like a nightmare tbh I think they want you close to have you drive them around lol but maybe that’s just me. 

ryanm8655

Thanks for the replies all! Really helpful.

Re: Uncles, I think I will head up there on NYE. Feel ready just to spend some time on my own but at least my uncles is more relaxed. Here I feel like I’m treading on eggshells a lot of the time due to the moodiness...I don’t think it’s me as the moodiness is with everyone but I can’t help but wonder...other night I dropped some Pringles in the kitchen. As the dog was asleep I couldn’t turn the light on and clean up, so picked up as best I could. When I got up it was commented on, it was a jokey comment and I apologised and explained but made me wonder if grumpiness of other adult was driven by that. I did then hoover house by way of doing my bit. Think they were just in a generally bad mood though as they were snapping at everything...

Other thing that is making me feel a bit weird is that they’re getting rid of the spare bedroom and turning it into a proper games room. It’s fair enough, it’s their house but they’ve lived here 10 years and it’s always been there and always been a place to stay. I don’t get along with my parents and they’ve always been like a surrogate family, so it feels quite personal. 

There have also been a few sly comments like “make sure you pack everything, we want to
make sure we’re getting rid of you”. Environment just feels so toxic. Did ponder buying them some new pans and a firestick to replace me taking mine back but they never actually thanked me for the £400 so not convinced it was appreciated, so don’t see the point. They didn’t actually comment at all...

Individually the comments can be ignored but it’s the cumulative impact...like on Christmas, their brothers partner was asking about why I was moving back to
london etc. They piped in with “we’re kicking him out” while I’m sitting there biting my tongue and being diplomatic about why I’m moving. 

Need to get the packing done today. It’s mostly done, I just need to load everything into the car. Got a few bits at grandma’s too. Minded to just disappear early tomorrow morning.

Got them a thank you card, a part of me wants to out them over how they’ve been. It feels a bit false writing something nice given how things have been the past few months. Also feels like I’d be reinforcing their false notion that I owe them...funnily enough I found the thank you card I got at the end of their treatment this time last year ha. Talking about how proud they were of me for stepping up, giving them peace of mind, couldn’t ask for a better nephew etc. How things change ha. I think they underestimate what an emotional drain it is living here...

Been randomly feeling anxious, I think it’s the not being packed coupled with the atmosphere. Been spending as much time as possible out of the house. But sleep is suffering. Woke up with mind racing this am after 5 hours sleep.

Bought some plates in the M&S sale, 40% off. Also got some pillows in the sale at Sainsbury’s. Payday tomorrow. I’m £220 down on wage, which will be the case until April, some will reduce entertainment until
then. Leaves me with about £2800 to last into end of January, which needs to clear £1k CC bill, buy some house bits and pay for bills plus living costs. It sounds a lot but can see it disappearing if I’m not careful...once I’m packed I might spend some time doing some financial planning. I’d like to stick a grand into the LISA if possible too...

warby68

Its change @ryanm8655, you're unsettled.
You might be a bit too sensitive to them right now, they might be grumpy like everyone can be in the post Christmas slump but none of it really matters too much. The games room might be to manage the household dynamics better with more spaces for everyone, no slight to you. Its a tricky household for sure but if it makes them feel better to believe they've done all the giving you can afford to let them. After all, you've achieved what you wanted to and are moving on. They're still stuck with whatever it is they're stuck with. It might feel a bit rubbish now but once you're in your new place and master of your own destiny again it won't seem half as bad.

ryanm8655

warby68 said:

Its change @ryanm8655, you're unsettled.
You might be a bit too sensitive to them right now, they might be grumpy like everyone can be in the post Christmas slump but none of it really matters too much. The games room might be to manage the household dynamics better with more spaces for everyone, no slight to you. Its a tricky household for sure but if it makes them feel better to believe they've done all the giving you can afford to let them. After all, you've achieved what you wanted to and are moving on. They're still stuck with whatever it is they're stuck with. It might feel a bit rubbish now but once you're in your new place and master of your own destiny again it won't seem half as bad.

Very sage advice, thank you :-) A very good point. Get the packing done today and get through it.