Housework

Gavin83

Caraway90 wrote: »

I think it's because he thinks they don't need doing. Hoovering, for example, I genuinely believe he doesn't notice crumbs etc on the floor. Whereas I do seem to go looking for the crumbs. As previously mentioned on this thread, I think a big part of the problem is our different standards of cleaniness, what should be done when/how often.

That's certainly the case in my marriage. My wife thinks the cleaning needs doing, I don't. It's not that I avoid doing it, it's just that I genuinely think it looks fine but I'll often just do it to keep her happy. If I lived on my own I'd do the cleaning less regularly than I do currently.

Anyway, we have the following:

Shared Jobs: Cooking/Gardening/Financial & bills stuff
My jobs: Hoovering, DIY, emptying & loading dishwasher, most of the driving, bins
Her jobs: Sorting our food out/washing&ironing clothes/bathroom cleaning

Works for us.

Slinky

I find it amusing that blokes think they can get away with including driving as a 'job'.

dan958

Brodiebobs wrote: »

I read a good book about this and the psychological reasons behind it.

Lack of caring and having someone around that does it for you. A book isn't needed

Every relationship is different. Some people are happy to do all the housework, some would assign jobs to both partners, and some will rotate jobs around. Do what works best for you and your relationship.

Slinky wrote: »

I find it amusing that blokes think they can get away with including driving as a 'job'.

It is definitely a task that needs doing, one that you can probably do yourself as well.

Slinky

I'm perfectly capable of driving, OH is perfectly capable of cleaning, but there's definitely more pleasure to be had in one of the tasks than the other.

onwards&upwards

I handle this by keeping my partner in a separate house!

It’s perfectly clean and tidy though, the myth that men would happily live in filth if women didn’t clean up after them is completely untrue. Maybe they would up to the age of about 23, but if they’re older than that they’re just fobbing you off and enjoying having a live in maid.

Caraway90

74jax wrote: »

You see this is why everyone is different, I'd be happy with what you have arranged.


He cooks everyday and drives you to and from work and you do a bit a cleaning every other day. Plus he does the lawn.


I have to admit, I don't' like washing up, so I'd just leave it and wash up once a day too - an option is to get a dishwasher - but if you are both out of the house through the day, there's nothing to wash up anyway.


There's only really us two in the house, so no way do we need to clean every other day, but a cleaner one morning a week is fab for us.

You've definetely put things into prespective for me. Me not being able to drive has definetly caused some tension. Where I work I would not be able to use public transport to get to work on time. We are very fortunate that he works around the corner from me, but I do feel guilty about this set up and it would never be this way if it were not for a medical problem.

onwards&upwards

Caraway90 wrote: »

You've definetely put things into prespective for me. Me not being able to drive has definetly caused some tension. Where I work I would not be able to use public transport to get to work on time. We are very fortunate that he works around the corner from me, but I do feel guilty about this set up and it would never be this way if it were not for a medical problem.

You feel guilty for having a seizure? Seriously?

Caraway90

onwards&upwards wrote: »

You feel guilty for having a seizure? Seriously?

Well about not being able to drive, the inconvenience of it.

onwards&upwards

Caraway90 wrote: »

Well about not being able to drive, the inconvenience of it.

Right well stop that instantly, you didn’t choose to have to stop driving, and this is the whole point of a loving relationship, helping each other out in time of need. I bet you’d do the same for him without a second thought or thinking it was something he should feel guilty about!

maman

Caraway90 wrote: »

Well about not being able to drive, the inconvenience of it.

I think I'd be frustrated but I don't think guilty is how I'd describe it.

DH and I have never needed to sit down and share out the tasks as it's fallen fairly evenly without the need to. Incidentally we always thank each other for preparing lovely meals or cups of tea or whatever. DH sometimes talks with some satisfaction of our 'division of labour' so I know he's happy with the situation. We have had odd comments from others. For example, my BIL thinks it's strange that I handle the finances. DH loves it. He just says 'My equerry will pay' when we're eating out with friends.

If we were to divide up tasks I really wouldn't include driving (not counting situations like yours caraway ). I don't ask DH to drive me anywhere. If we're both going somewhere either of us could drive. If I'm going somewhere without him then I'd drive myself as he would.