Housework

Caraway90

Hi everyone, for those of you who live with a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband etc, how do you split the housework and general household chores? Do you each have your own tasks? Does one of you do a lot more than other?

Basically I’m feeling frustrated that everything seems to be down to me and I wonder if i’m the only one feeling this way!

[Deleted User]

I do most but I don't work but hubby has his jobs like the bins, lawns etc.

If you both work or are both at home it should be split more evenly imo

Mojisola

Caraway90 wrote: »

Hi everyone, for those of you who live with a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband etc, how do you split the housework and general household chores? Do you each have your own tasks? Does one of you do a lot more than other?

Basically I’m feeling frustrated that everything seems to be down to me and I wonder if i’m the only one feeling this way!

It doesn't really matter how other people divide up the jobs - you're not happy with the way it's being done in your house.

Why doesn't your OH do their share?

gettingtheresometime

We tend to do jobs on a 'muck in' basis though hubby tends to do the garden.


We'll both put out the bins (I tend to do it the most as I seem to be the one that remembers it needs doing) and plans.

hazyjo

Did you not allocate jobs each when you moved in? From my experience, a lot of men need 'telling' (sorry fellas!). They won't necessarily notice or know that things need doing and still tend to do 'traditional roles' like bins, mowing lawns/gardening, car stuff, driving, etc.


Obviously not speaking for everyone. I do the driving and go to work. My OH stays at home and does EVERYTHING (cooking, cleaning, hoovering, the lot - even makes me a cuppa while I'm getting ready and runs my bath for me).


My sis complains a lot that her OH doesn't do anything. My reply is usually STOP BLOODY DOING IT FOR HIM THEN! She'll moan he's not put something in the dishwasher or washed it up (then does it for him), moaned about the ironing or hanging washing, or cooking - and I just don't understand why she thinks he's suddenly going to change after 26+ years. Surely it'd be easier to have jobs each, even if you have to have a chart or remind them when it needs doing (and vice versa!).

PasturesNew

As a sweeping rule, women "care more" about the minutae of housework. They do it because the men aren't that bothered about the things the woman sees as essential. Men have different values, ideals and standards. Not wrong, just different.

You either accept that your requirements/standards are different, or trade him in for somebody with OCD.

pattycake

I was a stay at home mother supporting my husband with a high powered job with a lot of travel. I did absolutely everything in the home and garden so we could relax as a family when he was at home.

Fast forward a few years and he is now retired and things haven’t changed much! The garden is too much for me now so we pay someone to do it. My DH will do a job if asked but generally he doesn’t notice. The only thing I point blank refuse to do is clean the car. It’s only when it’s filthy and the nagging gets too much, does he go out and clean it!

Having said that, it’s mostly my own fault that the work falls to me as I don’t think he does such a good job as I do. Years of practice!

maman

PasturesNew wrote: »

As a sweeping rule, women "care more" about the minutae of housework. They do it because the men aren't that bothered about the things the woman sees as essential. Men have different values, ideals and standards. Not wrong, just different.

You either accept that your requirements/standards are different, or trade him in for somebody with OCD.

I appreciate that you said it was a sweeping rule but I'm married to the exception to that rule!:D:A

I have my MIL to thank as she was ahead of her time. She expected her eldest children ( of 11:eek:) to help her in the home and with the younger children. The fact that the eldest 4 are boys was immaterial.

DH and I both worked at responsible jobs with very long hours so there was no question of one of us having spare time to do more than the other. We've shared up the tasks based on what we enjoy most/are best at but I really don't feel put upon at all. if anything I live a charmed life.

This can be a minefield though as it can be very tied up with emotion. Just as (stereotypical) examples, there are men who think it's not macho to do housework and women who feel it's their role to wait on the 'lord and master' hand and foot. I know a woman who buys all her DH's clothes for him (with his money) and then lays them out on the bed for him to get dressed.:eek: Personally I think that sort of thing is every outdated and it's definitely not for me.:)

74jax

Caraway90 wrote: »

Hi everyone, for those of you who live with a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband etc, how do you split the housework and general household chores? Do you each have your own tasks? Does one of you do a lot more than other?

Basically I’m feeling frustrated that everything seems to be down to me and I wonder if i’m the only one feeling this way!

How is it now, who does what and who works what hours.

I'm not sure it helps what other people do, as some might prefer one thing.

When my husband moved in he was honest and said he hated cleaning, I said he'd have to find a solution to his half of the jobs.... He got a cleaner..... Is that an option?

madlyn

I do the house work as my O/H thinks that is "woman's work"

phoebe1989seb

DH has always done just as much - if not more - housework than me

When we met I was a student living alone in a large, unfurnished, private rental (first time away from home as a rather spoilt only child who struggled to cook a meal for herself ) whereas DH - youngest of a family of six children - had been brought up to fend for himself. His dad was a chef who had taught him to cook. I, OTOH, once famously cooked a pizza with the plastic covering still on, lol!

DH moved in with me almost immediately and just as promptly, took over the cleaning and cooking - not surprisingly........

After we married and had DS I ran my own business and we shared the housework, but DH still did more of the cooking even though he too had a demanding job, working six days most weeks.

When DS was about eight I became a stay at home mum and gradually became a more accomplished cook. Later we ran a business together that allowed us to work from home. In addition, over a period of twenty-odd years we bought several fixer uppers which we also restored mostly DIY.

Housework has never been my favourite pastime, whereas I adore decorating, labouring, gardening so I've always pulled my weight in that department......