Housework

Caraway90

PasturesNew wrote: »

As a sweeping rule, women "care more" about the minutae of housework. They do it because the men aren't that bothered about the things the woman sees as essential. Men have different values, ideals and standards. Not wrong, just different.

You either accept that your requirements/standards are different, or trade him in for somebody with OCD.

Wow this rings so true with me! Thank you so much for this reply.

Brodiebobs

I have always worked part time so it mainly fell to me, with the exception of some 'blue' jobs like DIY & gardening.

However he now works shifts so is at home during the day during his downtime- but doesn't seem to see what needs doing. This causes some friction as now he's around it annoys me things aren't done, where as before I just did it as he was working.

If i specifically ask for something to be done it is, which is annoying carrying the mental load, but find it is slightly better than the resentment building up.

I read a good book about this and the psychological reasons behind it, but I cant recall the name. Will report back when it comes to me.

gettingtheresometime

maman wrote: »

I appreciate that you said it was a sweeping rule but I'm married to the exception to that rule!:D:A

I have my MIL to thank as she was ahead of her time. She expected her eldest children ( of 11:eek:) to help her in the home and with the younger children. The fact that the eldest 4 are boys was immaterial.

If my husband had 10 siblings then I'd wonder if we were related.


Hubby was also expected to help around the house growing up and that included preparing the family tea and general housework.


I've always said that if we women want men to help around the house as a matter of course then we need to look what we expect our sons to do around the house.

Caraway90

74jax wrote: »

How is it now, who does what and who works what hours.

I'm not sure it helps what other people do, as some might prefer one thing.

When my husband moved in he was honest and said he hated cleaning, I said he'd have to find a solution to his half of the jobs.... He got a cleaner..... Is that an option?

He does do the cooking, so that's obviously a positive. I don't find cooking enjoyable and he is happy to do it, so that is one job we have assigned, he also mows the lawn (but that's of course only a seasonal job). We take in turns to wash up after dinner, but he wouldn't think to wash up at any other tine except after dinner, not during the day. I'd pretty much every other day to day housework is done to me to do.
I'm unable to drive at the moment so travel to work together. We leave around 7.30 and get home about 5.30 Monday to Friday.
Depsite the nature of my post, I don't think there is enough housework to warrant a cleaner :rotfl:

Grezz24

ours is split with things like:

Cooking / garden / bins is my work
cleaning / house work / shopping is what the wife does

However she doesnt work at present and is off on maternity leave (more difficult that going to work with 2 kids but heyho)

when she returns to work it will be split down the middle with what we do. either way at 7PM work stops and we sit and relax.

74jax

Caraway90 wrote: »

He does do the cooking, so that's obviously a positive. I don't find cooking enjoyable and he is happy to do it, so that is one job we have assigned, he also mows the lawn (but that's of course only a seasonal job). We take in turns to wash up after dinner, but he wouldn't think to wash up at any other tine except after dinner, not during the day. I'd pretty much every other day to day housework is done to me to do.
I'm unable to drive at the moment so travel to work together. We leave around 7.30 and get home about 5.30 Monday to Friday.
Depsite the nature of my post, I don't think there is enough housework to warrant a cleaner :rotfl:

You see this is why everyone is different, I'd be happy with what you have arranged.


He cooks everyday and drives you to and from work and you do a bit a cleaning every other day. Plus he does the lawn.


I have to admit, I don't' like washing up, so I'd just leave it and wash up once a day too - an option is to get a dishwasher - but if you are both out of the house through the day, there's nothing to wash up anyway.


There's only really us two in the house, so no way do we need to clean every other day, but a cleaner one morning a week is fab for us.

Caraway90

Mojisola wrote: »

Is that because he doesn't think they need doing or because he thinks it should be your job?

You can get into all sorts of things like listing all the jobs that need doing, dividing them between you and then having a tick-off chart for when they're done or you could stop doing things that affect him until he starts pulling his weight.

Unless I was insisting on an excessive standard of cleaning, I'd feel very resentful if my OH didn't share the chores - I'm his partner, not his maid. I don't think we'd have got together if he wasn't like he is.

I think it's because he thinks they don't need doing. Hoovering, for example, I genuinely believe he doesn't notice crumbs etc on the floor. Whereas I do seem to go looking for the crumbs. As previously mentioned on this thread, I think a big part of the problem is our different standards of cleaniness, what should be done when/how often.

Caraway90

Thank you so much for everyone's replies. It's given me so much food for thought.

motorguy

My wife and i both work full time.

I do the washing for us both, we both share the making of food & tidying up. We have a robot to vacuum the main living area nightly, a cleaner who comes in every other week to clean the whole house, a robot to cut the back lawn and my FIL cuts the front lawn and keeps the gardens tidy (they live on the same site). We each iron our own clothes as and when required.

But generally speaking, anything that can / should be shared between us, we do.

Not a pups chance i'd get away with doing nothing or very little. And i wouldnt want it that way anyway.

Marvel1

PasturesNew wrote: »

As a sweeping rule, women "care more" about the minutae of housework. They do it because the men aren't that bothered about the things the woman sees as essential. Men have different values, ideals and standards. Not wrong, just different.

You either accept that your requirements/standards are different, or trade him in for somebody with OCD.

I agree with this. I'm a male and live alone, can't be bothered and doesn't bother me, come from work and chill and unwind.