How do you budget with your other half?

1Foz

My feeling at the time was having nowhere to turn. I don't think there's enough help available in the way that is needed. The strain on a relationship from these experiences is quite something, and not something I ever want to go through again. Probably how i ended up a wreck. I think this 'want it now' culture is a major issue with society. People leaving school knowing all about Pythagoris and Pye but nothing about life skills. What an interest rate means. What it means when you only make a minimum payment on 7 store cards. Now, I went to school in the 90s so don't get me wrong I hark back a while but we never learnt what I would call proper maths and about what life would throw at you. Once a week we had a 'tutor group' lesson in yrs 10 and 11 for a whole hour...for people to catch up on GCSE coursework/assignments - or what they invariably ended up as which was people bringing in there CDs and mini speakers and playing the latest Ministry of Sound compliation, or whatever, and the hour being wasted. I look back and think so much time at school was poorly allocated when it could have been better spent teaching some useful things to prepare you for the world. And if you're not the brightest person, you're going to have even less understanding than even someone with half a clue never mind the bright sparks who took it upon themselves to learn those skills. So, its little wonder we end up with situations in many relationships where one or the other person finds even discussing finances an awkward subject. Think there's even a TV commercial running at the moment about it. That's kind of how I feel anyway....not enough is done in young adult life to prepare people for what is around the corner.

TLDR : People I believe are let down by both a lack of education on basic life skills leading into adulthood and then any kind of support network when things get tough during those times of heavy burden/stress.

Herbyme

I have to agree with you, I wish it wasn't true. I don't know if I'd have listened if it had been explained to me in that way, but actually I had to learn the (very) hard way myself. I was not always this wise money saving person :rotfl:

I think that spending can also be a 'dysfunctional' coping strategy, not so different from gambling, drink etc, as a way of coping with things that feel too hard to cope with head on.

So I agree it's about education, and also about helping people to find different coping strategies and to see that overspending isn't a good one.

1Foz

For sure.

And its not individuals I blame for these problems but the state for failing them/us. I never considered myself a whizz at school, but not a struggler either, passed all subjects except science and in the top or middle-top sets in a bog standard comprehensive so I was pretty much average/above average personally. Even I have found all these life skills a major eye opener, so for people who struggled A LOT at school (my ex certainly did) its easy to see how problems can mount into a crisis, or even worse feelings for some.

I wonder how many people in my age group knew anything about a pension when they left school. Or how many never thought about it til they either almost or passed 30 or even later than that. I don't think we're as first world as we think we are anyway with certain things. I feel the state has let a lot of people down with either mis-education or lack of emotional support. Its amazing that in the world we have now with the internet and everything...so much information that is out there and advice and support that COULD be available...how on earth we can't prepare or support people adequately.

Rich1976

Rich1976 wrote: »

Hi Everyone

Just after a bit of advice and guidance about how you all arrange your household budget with your partner.

So our situation has changed quite a bit over the years and so has our budgeting techniques. I earn £175 per month after tax more than my partner and currently both incomes are paid into our joint account and all household bills get paid from this.

I look after the budgeting side as he isn't interested in anything financial. I keep a spreadsheet which lists all the household bills and monthly amounts and separate sections for our own personal bills such as gym, mobile, credit card repayment etc. On payday the difference between the total income and total household bills is divided by 2 and transferred to our separate accounts. Therefore this means we each have the same amount left over to use as we wish.

We also have joint savings accounts set up for holidays, Car expenses and Home Maintenance. Currently we do not have individual Accounts for savings.

This all seemed fine and fair until recently when my partner has decided he isn't left with enough spending money each month and wants or is looking for ways to reduce his personal contribution to our savings to free up more money to use as pocket money.

This has caused a number of arguments because the amount we put into savings is what I estimate we will spend on car repairs, insurance, servicing etc as well as our holiday next year which he agreed to plus our boiler service, home insurance and a bit extra as contingencies or emergencies. So the total I am aiming to put into savings needs to be about 485 per month to cover all these.

Therefore I was wondering what's the fairest way you all budget your money.
Do you keep everything together or do you only have joint accounts for bills and anything for savings is treated individually?

He is more of a spender than I am and doesn't look at his bank account as often as he should to keep an eye on things and this causes issues when I do the budget spreadsheet for the following month to take account of his overspending.

Thanks for any help you can give

So thank you for all your responses. We've been working to see how we can improve the situation and can report the following:

My other half has cancelled one of his credit cards with immediate effect to prevent any further temptation

His second card which has the interest free debt on, he had increased the payment so the last payment will finish end of January

He had agreed to stick to agreed spending amounts by only using his debit card and monitoring more closely

We have cancelled our joint fun money card and are just using the one credit card between us for food and joint fun money as he found it too confusing having different cards for different purposes

Petrol will now be paid out of our own accounts as we identified I was topping the car up twice a month whereas he only fills once on average.

Our savings have taken a hit to help him get back on track and will take a couple of months to get the new regime in place properly. This will mean when our home insurance is renewed next month we will need to pay monthly again rather than in one lump sum as I'd hoped. This will be the same for car insurance in March as well by the look of it.

So not completely satisfactory but positive signs. He has also brought himself an A4 note book for budgeting as he doesnt ,like my spreadsheet. So each month just b4 payday he had agreed to sit down and go through the figures. I will stick to my spreadsheet and he will use his note pad, making sure both systems match .

JustAnotherSaver

1Foz wrote: »

And if you're not the brightest person, you're going to have even less understanding than even someone with half a clue never mind the bright sparks who took it upon themselves to learn those skills.

I finished education in 2001 if that helps gauge where i am in relation to you in terms of education time.



The quote above made me think of something. Those who weren't the brightest often weren't the most well behaved. Once you started getting to the extreme end of those who didn't behave, in our case at least, they were kicked out of school and sent to college. While we were learning German, French & R.E. that would help us so much in later life </sarcasm> these people were learning a trade.



I know some of the regulars on here wouldn't think it based on my posts but i was actually towards the upper end as far as grades went. I stopped on for 2 years but after this i had no desire to do college or university. I didn't know what i wanted to do in life so i ended up as a floater which i still am really. No qualifications.



These 'bad lads' i went to school with were pretty much qualified as we were leaving school, many now run their own businesses - plumbing, electricians, plastering, joinery etc. Maybe it paid off being a bad lad - you got pushed in a direction that'd serve you well in life later on, while the 'intelligent' well behaved ones got looked after with their valuable R.E. lessons.



I agree with a lot of what you said though.

[Deleted User]

JustAnotherSaver wrote: »

I finished education in 2001 if that helps gauge where i am in relation to you in terms of education time.



The quote above made me think of something. Those who weren't the brightest often weren't the most well behaved. Once you started getting to the extreme end of those who didn't behave, in our case at least, they were kicked out of school and sent to college. While we were learning German, French & R.E. that would help us so much in later life </sarcasm> these people were learning a trade.



I know some of the regulars on here wouldn't think it based on my posts but i was actually towards the upper end as far as grades went. I stopped on for 2 years but after this i had no desire to do college or university. I didn't know what i wanted to do in life so i ended up as a floater which i still am really. No qualifications.



These 'bad lads' i went to school with were pretty much qualified as we were leaving school, many now run their own businesses - plumbing, electricians, plastering, joinery etc. Maybe it paid off being a bad lad - you got pushed in a direction that'd serve you well in life later on, while the 'intelligent' well behaved ones got looked after with their valuable R.E. lessons.



I agree with a lot of what you said though.

True here. All the bad lads I went to school with all running their own trades now or working in a trade and coining it in. Where as the ones who were top of the class of the top set who you always imagined would go onto having a highly successful life after uni and all that are now actually working in Asda as lowly assistants.

Not like I'm saying Asda is a bad job or anything, after working in retail for my years myself.

little_green

!!! wrote: »

I would maybe suggest getting a SOA together and posting it back on here.

Is there any reason why you both cannot work more etc to pull more income in?

why do you think they are working part time?
based on what op has said they earn it's quite seems reasonable that they may work full time hours & be on an average wag (ie not amazing but also not minimum wage).

Oh OP I feel your pain!! i'm in sucha similar boat. OH has no interest in finance or budgeting at all. At times i think i make small breakthroughs & they agree to talk about it or that we can keep a joint sheet but when i actually try to show them the sheet etc I just get turned down. It's so frustrating.
Unlike you we dont have joint accounts & I will continue to refuse to have joint accounts until OH can show some responsibility.
Again, like you income for both is not wow but also not great BUT in my opinion OH should be saving more of their remaining disposable income that they do so.
I have tried to encourage & support but generally get no where.
I know it's their money & they can do what they want with it, but i feel like i'm having to make sacrifices & life a lower lifestyle bc they cant afford a better one. (which if they genuinely couldnt of course i'd help but when it's a choice bc of carelessness with money i wont support that). For example, when it comes to booking holidays OH will say "ok but my maximum budget is £500pp as that's all i have" ... well maybe if you didnt waste money on a monthly basis you'd have more!?

maybe we should be splitting the relationships, not the money hahaha (couldnt resist a pun!)

little_green

JustAnotherSaver wrote: »

I finished education in 2001 if that helps gauge where i am in relation to you in terms of education time.



The quote above made me think of something. Those who weren't the brightest often weren't the most well behaved. Once you started getting to the extreme end of those who didn't behave, in our case at least, they were kicked out of school and sent to college. While we were learning German, French & R.E. that would help us so much in later life </sarcasm> these people were learning a trade.



I know some of the regulars on here wouldn't think it based on my posts but i was actually towards the upper end as far as grades went. I stopped on for 2 years but after this i had no desire to do college or university. I didn't know what i wanted to do in life so i ended up as a floater which i still am really. No qualifications.



These 'bad lads' i went to school with were pretty much qualified as we were leaving school, many now run their own businesses - plumbing, electricians, plastering, joinery etc. Maybe it paid off being a bad lad - you got pushed in a direction that'd serve you well in life later on, while the 'intelligent' well behaved ones got looked after with their valuable R.E. lessons.



I agree with a lot of what you said though.

I cant preach this enough. I have a degree & feel like it's closed more doors than it's opened!!

Terry_Towelling

little_green wrote: »

I cant preach this enough. I have a degree & feel like it's closed more doors than it's opened!!

Do you feel it is the degree that has closed the doors or do you think it is the fact that pursuing a degree in a certain subject narrows down your perception of career options where that degree is considered a relevant qualification?

Rich1976

little_green wrote: »

why do you think they are working part time?
based on what op has said they earn it's quite seems reasonable that they may work full time hours & be on an average wag (ie not amazing but also not minimum wage).

Oh OP I feel your pain!! i'm in sucha similar boat. OH has no interest in finance or budgeting at all. At times i think i make small breakthroughs & they agree to talk about it or that we can keep a joint sheet but when i actually try to show them the sheet etc I just get turned down. It's so frustrating.
Unlike you we dont have joint accounts & I will continue to refuse to have joint accounts until OH can show some responsibility.
Again, like you income for both is not wow but also not great BUT in my opinion OH should be saving more of their remaining disposable income that they do so.
I have tried to encourage & support but generally get no where.
I know it's their money & they can do what they want with it, but i feel like i'm having to make sacrifices & life a lower lifestyle bc they cant afford a better one. (which if they genuinely couldnt of course i'd help but when it's a choice bc of carelessness with money i wont support that). For example, when it comes to booking holidays OH will say "ok but my maximum budget is £500pp as that's all i have" ... well maybe if you didnt waste money on a monthly basis you'd have more!?

maybe we should be splitting the relationships, not the money hahaha (couldnt resist a pun!)

We definitely do not work part time but I think the other person was suggesting taking on second jobs. However as mentioned our salary, whilst not anywhere near the national average is sufficient.

I couldn't help but smile at your post and yes do recognise the similarities and frustration.