How do you budget with your other half?

Rich1976

little_green wrote: »

why do you think they are working part time?
based on what op has said they earn it's quite seems reasonable that they may work full time hours & be on an average wag (ie not amazing but also not minimum wage).

Oh OP I feel your pain!! i'm in sucha similar boat. OH has no interest in finance or budgeting at all. At times i think i make small breakthroughs & they agree to talk about it or that we can keep a joint sheet but when i actually try to show them the sheet etc I just get turned down. It's so frustrating.
Unlike you we dont have joint accounts & I will continue to refuse to have joint accounts until OH can show some responsibility.
Again, like you income for both is not wow but also not great BUT in my opinion OH should be saving more of their remaining disposable income that they do so.
I have tried to encourage & support but generally get no where.
I know it's their money & they can do what they want with it, but i feel like i'm having to make sacrifices & life a lower lifestyle bc they cant afford a better one. (which if they genuinely couldnt of course i'd help but when it's a choice bc of carelessness with money i wont support that). For example, when it comes to booking holidays OH will say "ok but my maximum budget is £500pp as that's all i have" ... well maybe if you didnt waste money on a monthly basis you'd have more!?

maybe we should be splitting the relationships, not the money hahaha (couldnt resist a pun!)

To add about your point about accounts. This is precisely why we have joint accounts for joint goals such as holidays. Because otherwise I would have enough saved and he wouldnt. So then whatever the alternative, go without or go on my own?

After Christmas once the debt is gone our savings will take a high priority as he now has a printout in his diary of hiw much we need to save and what it is for and the target date.

We tried a random let's save save 400 per month for example but he likes that quantifying as a goal otherwise he'll try and reduce it as in his head the 400 is just a figure I've picked because it sounds good.

little_green

Rich1976 wrote: »

To add about your point about accounts. This is precisely why we have joint accounts for joint goals such as holidays. Because otherwise I would have enough saved and he wouldnt. So then whatever the alternative, go without or go on my own?

After Christmas once the debt is gone our savings will take a high priority as he now has a printout in his diary of hiw much we need to save and what it is for and the target date.

We tried a random let's save save 400 per month for example but he likes that quantifying as a goal otherwise he'll try and reduce it as in his head the 400 is just a figure I've picked because it sounds good.

I feel your situation. One thing that frustrates me is that my OH is not from the UK so of course they make a trip to their home country every year. Now i'm not mean & i completely understand wanting to see family, so i'm fine with once a year. Coupled with this they also do another trip with their parents somewhere. Then we have our holiday. But to me it often feels like our holiday is an after thought. Like I just have to go along with whatever OH is left to afford after the other 2 holidays
The other day OH spoke about wanting to go home for xmas next year. Again, i feel i am reasonable & understanding & said that's fine I understand why they might want to spend xmas with their family after not having done so for a number of years, HOWEVER i said that that trip should be in place of their trip home earlier in the year or the trip with their parents again earlier in the year. OH did not like that. But how is it fair that I would have to sacrifice my only holiday (our holiday together) so OH can put their money & time off work towards having 3 trips of their own!?

I understand your point about lplucking numbers out of thin air. OH doesnt seem to grasp the concept of just saving for the sake of saving, for the future, for a rainy day. It's like if i say to save OH is like "but what for". Like it needs to have a set purpose eg. car, holiday with a (fairly) fixed value.

Rich1976

little_green wrote: »

I feel your situation. One thing that frustrates me is that my OH is not from the UK so of course they make a trip to their home country every year. Now i'm not mean & i completely understand wanting to see family, so i'm fine with once a year. Coupled with this they also do another trip with their parents somewhere. Then we have our holiday. But to me it often feels like our holiday is an after thought. Like I just have to go along with whatever OH is left to afford after the other 2 holidays
The other day OH spoke about wanting to go home for xmas next year. Again, i feel i am reasonable & understanding & said that's fine I understand why they might want to spend xmas with their family after not having done so for a number of years, HOWEVER i said that that trip should be in place of their trip home earlier in the year or the trip with their parents again earlier in the year. OH did not like that. But how is it fair that I would have to sacrifice my only holiday (our holiday together) so OH can put their money & time off work towards having 3 trips of their own!?

I understand your point about lplucking numbers out of thin air. OH doesnt seem to grasp the concept of just saving for the sake of saving, for the future, for a rainy day. It's like if i say to save OH is like "but what for". Like it needs to have a set purpose eg. car, holiday with a (fairly) fixed value.

Sounds like what you need or both need is to sit down and work out how much their annual trips to see family add up to. Do they have their own pot of money that they can allocate to a specified savings account for that purpose?

Equally out of your monthly budgets could you both agree an amount to go towards your holiday together. By doing that you're both getting what you want - a shared holiday plus the chance for your OH to see their family? I agree with you it does seem unfair and therefore reaching some middle ground does seem the best answer.

Like your OH, my husband will not save for the sake of it. He needs to be made to see what we are saving for. So an annual holiday will cost £x so we need to save this much each month.

We have 3 savings accounts which as mentioned I want to give priority yomon our budget from the New Year. Home, car and Holidays so if something happens hopefully we can take the money out of the relevant account to pay for it. Also I want to start a new Car Fund next year for that purpose and my aim is not to have any further debt with the exception of the mortgage.