How do you budget with your other half?

Herbyme

It seems to me that there’s little attention given to the question of how to reconcile differences of opinion and practice between two partners. It’s less about money and more about (?) relationships, psychology, communication... there’s something about this subject on Moneybox on Radio 4 at the moment but maybe more needs to be done to find ways to help couples work together in a fruitful way?

dreaming

carolinerunner wrote: »

It seems to me that there’s little attention given to the question of how to reconcile differences of opinion and practice between two partners. It’s less about money and more about (?) relationships, psychology, communication... there’s something about this subject on Moneybox on Radio 4 at the moment but maybe more needs to be done to find ways to help couples work together in a fruitful way?

Totally agree that communication is the key. There is also the bank advert (Lloyds?) that highlights this. The problem is that it is a difficult subject to discuss, especially within a romantic relationship. At the beginning of most relationships I would imagine that people would think it a bit strange to discuss finances, then on moving in together the excitement and dreams of building your lives together can hinder such "practical" discussions. I think a lot of couples fall into patterns of behaviour (good or bad) and it can be very difficult to break those patterns and instil new ones.
Unromantic as it sounds I think some sort of "pre-nup" could be a good thing. I don't mean just for those getting married but anyone thinking of moving in with their partner. When my DD shared a flat with her friend they drew up an agreement about finances/housework/having people to stay etc. and I thought that it was the sort of thing couples could do to avoid problems. Of course it does rely on both parties sticking to the agreement and keeping the communication going when/if circumstances change.

Rich1976

dreaming wrote: »

Totally agree that communication is the key. There is also the bank advert (Lloyds?) that highlights this. The problem is that it is a difficult subject to discuss, especially within a romantic relationship. At the beginning of most relationships I would imagine that people would think it a bit strange to discuss finances, then on moving in together the excitement and dreams of building your lives together can hinder such "practical" discussions. I think a lot of couples fall into patterns of behaviour (good or bad) and it can be very difficult to break those patterns and instil new ones.
Unromantic as it sounds I think some sort of "pre-nup" could be a good thing. I don't mean just for those getting married but anyone thinking of moving in with their partner. When my DD shared a flat with her friend they drew up an agreement about finances/housework/having people to stay etc. and I thought that it was the sort of thing couples could do to avoid problems. Of course it does rely on both parties sticking to the agreement and keeping the communication going when/if circumstances change.

Yes an interesting if rather unromantic conversation to have. It is important to decide early on how joint expenses will be handled and how these will be dealt with for those that don't have joint accounts.

Our household expenses from our joint account have varied over the years from each paying a percentage based on earnings to our current set up of everything being paid into the joint account and then whatever is left split equally between the 2 of us.

enthusiasticsaver

We have a joint current account and all our pensions go into this and our household bills and joint bills come out of it. We have an equal amount of personal spending money which goes into sole accounts every month. We also have joint savings accounts and investments (in each of our names) and to be honest if it were down to my husband I am not sure this would be the case as he is more of a fritterer than me and if he has money in his personal account he tends to spend it although he tells me this month he has hardly spent anything.

Providing you can demonstrate why you need to put a certain amount away each month to pay for things like holidays (I agree you should do that) then he should look for other ways to cut back if he wants more personal spending money. Some people are just not good at living within a budget though so he may be one of those who will always want more.

Rich1976

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

We have a joint current account and all our pensions go into this and our household bills and joint bills come out of it. We have an equal amount of personal spending money which goes into sole accounts every month. We also have joint savings accounts and investments (in each of our names) and to be honest if it were down to my husband I am not sure this would be the case as he is more of a fritterer than me and if he has money in his personal account he tends to spend it although he tells me this month he has hardly spent anything.

Providing you can demonstrate why you need to put a certain amount away each month to pay for things like holidays (I agree you should do that) then he should look for other ways to cut back if he wants more personal spending money. Some people are just not good at living within a budget though so he may be one of those who will always want more.

Yours sounds a similar set up to us and yes completely recognise about your comment about your husband being a fritterer:)

I have printed off my Savings spreadsheet for him to look at so he can see the amount we need to put away is hopefully an accurate cost of what our Home, car repairs, insurance and holidays will be.

The thing which never makes sense is that he is incredibly organised in every other area of his life to an extent where he is too organised if there is such a thing but his finances, whilst he doesnt have a care free attitude like others and does seriously never want to be in debt he will take himself off to the cinema, or have lunch with a friend or a monthly massage on top of anything we do together without looking at his bank balance to see what's remaining.

Thank you for your comment it does make a lot of sense.

Rich1976

carolinerunner wrote: »

It seems to me that there’s little attention given to the question of how to reconcile differences of opinion and practice between two partners. It’s less about money and more about (?) relationships, psychology, communication... there’s something about this subject on Moneybox on Radio 4 at the moment but maybe more needs to be done to find ways to help couples work together in a fruitful way?

Thank you. I may check out on the iplayer.:)

enthusiasticsaver

Rich1976 wrote: »

The thing which never makes sense is that he is incredibly organised in every other area of his life to an extent where he is too organised if there is such a thing but his finances, whilst he doesnt have a care free attitude like others and does seriously never want to be in debt he will take himself off to the cinema, or have lunch with a friend or a monthly massage on top of anything we do together without looking at his bank balance to see what's remaining.

Thank you for your comment it does make a lot of sense.

Yes, I recognise the same attitude in my DH although he has never yet (to my knowledge) gone overdrawn on his personal account so I guess he must know what is in there. He, like your husband, is debt averse like me so that is one saving grace. I know he uses his mobile banking app to check every now and again so not completely indifferent.

Does your DH go overdrawn? If not, maybe he is more aware than you think of the state of his finances. The fact he is saying he is struggling with the amount of personal spends indicates he knows when he is running low but is not happy at having his activities curtailed due to lack of money. In which case a discussion about budgeting and priorities may be useful. DH and I do this from time to time and I say if we do this (a holiday for example) then there is no money for a home improvement project or vice versa.

Communication is the key and as the more organised in terms of finance person I make a point of making my DH engage in what is going in and out of our account by using a spreadsheet with all our annual spends on it and discussing it occasionally along with making him engage with our credit card statement each month to examine monthly spends. Just because he is indifferent I try to make sure he is not ignorant. Otherwise you end up as the banker rather than it being a partnership which is not what I wanted and I sense not what you want either.

Good luck and hopefully you will get him on board. As he is organised in every other area of life (my DH is not) then maybe ask him why he has abstained from doing the same with money?

enthusiasticsaver

Apologies, I have just read in an earlier post that your DH is overdrawn by £250 and also has a car loan and credit card repayments. That reads to me that he is going into debt due to his overspending but is not concerned enough to cut back. Finding it boring to live within a budget is not an excuse I would be happy with. It does sound like he is kicking back against what he sees as constraints. The thing is though it is his overspending on credit and taking out car loans which is constraining him, not you. If you can get him to see that there may be some progress.

I made it clear to my DH by the way there would be no bailing out of overdrafts so he has to live within the allowance which is a lot less than you both get but he does not have to pay loans or credit cards or gym memberships out of it.

IvanDP

We have a slightly different approach, but one that works for us.
When me and my dearly beloved first moved in together, I was moving into her home so many of the bills were already set up, and to save hassle they have stayed that way.
We worked out what the monthly outgoings were, and split the cost equally
(I pay the money into her account and the direct debits are paid from there)
The extras that have come along since then, mobile phone, internet (yes we have been together a long time lol) I have since taken on as I earn a bit more than she does.
Separate credit cards, each our own responsibility.
The car is purely for me to get to work, so that is my responsibility. She does not drive.
Savings are a simple percentage of out leftover income.
Any personal money is ours to do with as we like.
If we go out, we either split the cost or one of us will pay for one night out ant the other the next.
We are also in a very fortunate position that we are both very open about money and can always discuss any issues openly and help each other should the need arise.
This method, which we have now used for almost 30 years has left us almost debt free (I have my car repayments) and able to save quite well towards our joint passion for travelling.

In the end, I would say that the most important thing is to be open and honest with each other regarding any form of finances.

Rich1976

IvanDP wrote: »

We have a slightly different approach, but one that works for us.
When me and my dearly beloved first moved in together, I was moving into her home so many of the bills were already set up, and to save hassle they have stayed that way.
We worked out what the monthly outgoings were, and split the cost equally
(I pay the money into her account and the direct debits are paid from there)
The extras that have come along since then, mobile phone, internet (yes we have been together a long time lol) I have since taken on as I earn a bit more than she does.
Separate credit cards, each our own responsibility.
The car is purely for me to get to work, so that is my responsibility. She does not drive.
Savings are a simple percentage of out leftover income.
Any personal money is ours to do with as we like.
If we go out, we either split the cost or one of us will pay for one night out ant the other the next.
We are also in a very fortunate position that we are both very open about money and can always discuss any issues openly and help each other should the need arise.
This method, which we have now used for almost 30 years has left us almost debt free (I have my car repayments) and able to save quite well towards our joint passion for travelling.

In the end, I would say that the most important thing is to be open and honest with each other regarding any form of finances.

Thank you that is really interesting and a completely different take on the other posters in that both your finances are kept separate even after 30 years. But clearly works regardless.:T