How do you budget with your other half?

cloud_dog

We are more 'old school' and pay our salaries in to our joint account which we then transfer an agreed and equal allowance in to our own accounts. Works for us. Whatever is left in the joint account is ours, equally, irrespective of the original earning proportions, i.e. I earn three times as much as the OH. By 'ours' I mean for bills, investments, etc, etc.

We have joint savings (in OH name as they are a BRT payer), with that money coming out of the joint account. And, we have individual savings and investment accounts (investment monies come out of the joint account).

Sayschezza

My OH moved in with me some 30 odd years ago and like a previous poster household expenses were already set up in my name. We decided therefore that he would just contribute some money into my account every month. His contribution is approximately a third of the money I have incoming from my pensions although our separate incomings are roughly the same. I pay all utilities, food and holidays. He pays for the car (I don't drive), eating out and booze. He also does most of the top up shops. He has more available cash than I do but it's frittered away somehow. Our savings are also separate and he has more than me. Am I satisfied with this arrangement? No not really but it is what it is.

IvanDP

Sayschezza wrote: »

My OH moved in with me some 30 odd years ago and like a previous poster household expenses were already set up in my name. We decided therefore that he would just contribute some money into my account every month. His contribution is approximately a third of the money I have incoming from my pensions although our separate incomings are roughly the same.

We took a simpler approach, we worked out all of the regular outgoings (rent, utilities, food) and split them equally,me paying the agreed amount into her account and then she pays for them from the cash available.
I pay for internet and mobile phone as these are additions from when we first moved in together.

Sayschezza wrote: »

I pay all utilities, food and holidays. He pays for the car (I don't drive), eating out and booze. He also does most of the top up shops.

Like you, the car is mine and solely my responsibility, eating out, pub visits, etc. are shared
(Although the gentleman in me will very rarely let OH pay for a night out :rotfl:)
Holidays are paid for through a savings account to which we both contribute proportionately
(I earn more so I contribute more)
I also pay for bits and bobs of top up shopping

Sayschezza wrote: »

He has more available cash than I do but it's frittered away somehow. Our savings are also separate and he has more than me. Am I satisfied with this arrangement? No not really but it is what it is.

This arrangement seems to leave us with a similar amount of disposable income each to do with as we like, although as i mentioned in my original post, we are both very open about money and can turn to each other if the need should arise.

HampshireH

We have salaries paid into our accounts. We each pay into a house account for joint bills and mortgage. We each pay onto our CC.

Any thing left over is ours to do as we please that includes being responsible for our own cars, fuel etc.

We go 50/50 on nearly everything or ones buys one week and the other picks up the bill the next. I have no fuel costs and I earn more. I save a min of £400 a month into 5% accounts and up to £800 where I can by sweeping my account at the end of the month.

But i save for us and our future plans not for myself. I.e. to ensure the billls/mortgage gets paid if /when we are reduced to single salary due to expanding the family so that 1 salary doesnt need to be stretched.

I also make ad hoc payments to the CC or will pay our deposits such as on the double glazing before we go 50/50 on the balance. This works for us because I do it when it's affordable. But we wouldn't spend if it wasn't.

Perhaps your partner doesnt care because you have full control of his necessities.

Why not keep control of the bills but make him shoulder the responsibility of his phone and keeping his car on the road etc?

He will soon realise the importance when he needs an MOT and has to figure it out for himself and budget.

At the moment he seems to have no need to worry so he chooses not to?

[Deleted User]

Most people I know have their own separate accounts for salary and have a joint account where they both pay into for joint household bills.

badger09

Deleted_User wrote: »

Most people I know have their own separate accounts for salary and have a joint account where they both pay into for joint household bills.

I suspect this is mostly a generational difference.

For my parents, it was the norm for the husband to control the finances. Women of my generation, born in the 1950s & 1960s had more freedom in many ways:), including financial. Some took the traditional path after marriage, but some retained that new found financial independence.

Marriage is no longer the default position for most women, and most rational people see no problem when women retain their financial independence when married or cohabiting.

I am so glad this thread has not been hijacked, like so many others, by those who insist that, unless both partners combine their finances completely, the relationship is, somehow false/faulty/insincere/doomed to failure etc

There is no right or wrong answer, no 'one size fits all'. It is however, essential that both partners discuss, honestly, their arrangements and agree what suits them both.

(Climbs down from soapbox)

Seraphi

Rich1976 wrote: »

Hi Everyone

Just after a bit of advice and guidance about how you all arrange your household budget with your partner.

So our situation has changed quite a bit over the years and so has our budgeting techniques. I earn £175 per month after tax more than my partner and currently both incomes are paid into our joint account and all household bills get paid from this.

I look after the budgeting side as he isn't interested in anything financial. I keep a spreadsheet which lists all the household bills and monthly amounts and separate sections for our own personal bills such as gym, mobile, credit card repayment etc. On payday the difference between the total income and total household bills is divided by 2 and transferred to our separate accounts. Therefore this means we each have the same amount left over to use as we wish.

We also have joint savings accounts set up for holidays, Car expenses and Home Maintenance. Currently we do not have individual Accounts for savings.

This all seemed fine and fair until recently when my partner has decided he isn't left with enough spending money each month and wants or is looking for ways to reduce his personal contribution to our savings to free up more money to use as pocket money.

This has caused a number of arguments because the amount we put into savings is what I estimate we will spend on car repairs, insurance, servicing etc as well as our holiday next year which he agreed to plus our boiler service, home insurance and a bit extra as contingencies or emergencies. So the total I am aiming to put into savings needs to be about 485 per month to cover all these.

Therefore I was wondering what's the fairest way you all budget your money.
Do you keep everything together or do you only have joint accounts for bills and anything for savings is treated individually?

He is more of a spender than I am and doesn't look at his bank account as often as he should to keep an eye on things and this causes issues when I do the budget spreadsheet for the following month to take account of his overspending.

Thanks for any help you can give

There was an article in the Financial Times about this recently - type the following into Google "Six ways to manage money - Financial Times" click the link to the article from there to read it for free.

As everyone has said there are lots of ways to go about organising joint finances, there isn't a right way but one that you as a couple are comfortable with.

The other thing I would add, is seriously consider getting a Joint Monzo account. The budgeting tools in the app are great and it takes five seconds to get to a budget snapshot from unlocking your phone.

My other half and I have found that we are saving a bit more now that we use Monzo specifically for our food shopping. We have a joint account with a standard high street bank as well - where our bills etc come out of but its always a bit difficult to tease out exactly where you are in a joint account that has lots of other things coming out of it.

[Deleted User]

badger09 wrote: »

I suspect this is mostly a generational difference.

For my parents, it was the norm for the husband to control the finances. Women of my generation, born in the 1950s & 1960s had more freedom in many ways:), including financial. Some took the traditional path after marriage, but some retained that new found financial independence.

Marriage is no longer the default position for most women, and most rational people see no problem when women retain their financial independence when married or cohabiting.

I am so glad this thread has not been hijacked, like so many others, by those who insist that, unless both partners combine their finances completely, the relationship is, somehow false/faulty/insincere/doomed to failure etc

There is no right or wrong answer, no 'one size fits all'. It is however, essential that both partners discuss, honestly, their arrangements and agree what suits them both.

(Climbs down from soapbox)

In my grandfathers day, it was he who earned the money but it was passed over to my grandmother who worked out the household budget and what not. This would have been the same for most married colliery workers at the time.

So may well be a generational thing also depending where you are in the country and what type of work you did back then.

1Foz

It's really insightful reading this thread, also quite painful for me. I split up with my partner because of finances. She had 7 store cards, 2 credit cards and making minimum payments on all. I'll never forget the day I found out, the sinking feeling was something I really can't explain. I wasn't angry, well at first understandably, more that she couldn't find it in her to consult me about her habits. To be honest, the feeling is quite painful because while you'd think I should have seen the signs, I was fed a lot of lies and excuses along the way - i,e "I can't pay you my rent share this month, I had to lend my mum £250". I only wanted to help once I found out the problem, which was to consolidate everything into a single 5 grand loan. Problem was we were on the slippery slope (romantically) from that point. I just could not trust her financially. Not only that but other things were then going on behind my back and yeah....I feel for anyone who has to deal with a huge financial burden because of a partner's lack of budgeting. Trouble is, when you love someone, you don't always see it, or worse are fed a lot of crap that you accept as truth. It was such a bad experience, I have not been able to have another relationship since. Seriously. And its been a heck of a while.

My only message to others is always be there for them, my regret was not opening my eyes earlier and asking the questions. I think I was too loved up tbh at the time, pitiful excuse as it might be...!

Herbyme

1Foz wrote: »

My only message to others is always be there for them, my regret was not opening my eyes earlier and asking the questions.

I hear what a painful situation this must have been for you, and I think it happens quite a lot, but isn't well understood.

I wondered if anyone knows of professional help which could guide a couple through this situation? Obviously it would need to be neutral and non-judgemental, with financial and 'counselling' skills. I know about CAP and Stepchange etc, I think they're totally/almost totally focused on the debt itself - is there anything that focuses equally on the relationship and the financial issues?