Debt, debt and more debt.

Primrose

AntoMac makes a good point about the number of apparently self assured people who have tough things going on in their lives hidden and I think it,s not that they have easier lives but they,ve just become better at handling them.  These are the people to become acquainted with as if you share experiences you can learn from each other and support each other.  So perhaps a job with exposure to people rather than a more solitary  one would better suit you.

On the home support front, have you discussed with your children drawing up a domestic chores rota,with rigorous rules of no chores done = no financial rewards, car lifts etc?.  Your children are old enough now to be gradually preparing for a world of employment and a realistic understanding of how that remuneration system works will leave them better prepared. 

Suffolk_lass

You are not alone with your mum Emma, when I was on the first video call with my Mum after the bike accident, she did not let me finish describing (not showing) the different areas where I was injured before interrupting to say that when she fell on the patio her bruises were much worse. I have taken to stopping talking when she interrupts as I'm sure she doesn't know she is doing it. She has spent so much time alone in the pandemic that her whole perspective has become more introspective and her perspective on reality is how it impacts her. 

I was actually playing down the injuries as I didn't want her to worry. She managed to turn it round to when I first plucked my eyebrows aged 15 and how much I upset her and my Dad. She has no idea how to offer empathy.

AntoMac

Oh dear Emma, your family seem a funny lot, although funny seems such an inappropriate word to use in such circumstances. They don’t seem to remotely understand your situation. Poor Suffolk_Lass too when all you’re asking for is to be heard occasionally. Well done anyway for expressing how you feel.
I have plenty of disfunctionality in my own family too so it’s not just you, or maybe it IS actually us that’s the problem  
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day for you

Parkyp

Omg families who would have them. Why do they pick on you so much. Me personally I’d just not speak to them again but I’m so stubborn 🤣. Can’t believe they all saw that you were upset and not one called to check up on you that is just heartless. I know it might have been awkward for them but even a text message would break the ice. 
Stay strong and don’t let them put you down.  

Queen_of_the_Hive

Morning Emma, family absolutely suck at times. My own family are s***e at times too just different ways from yours. Crying is good though if you need to get it out and do so. Maybe today do something nice for yourself- a little pamper, take a walk, go for a coffee. Try to put yesterday behind you and focus on you. 

Primrose

Your family are very insensitive Emma - perhaps because they all have little exposure to the difficulties of others so have all become too inward looking.   They seem to have little social training in how to behave and react with other people.

Perhaps it would be good for you to have a more distanced relationship with them all for a while to allow things to calm down and allow them to ponder on how these outspoken outbursts affect you and the general family dynamics.   Yes you do need other adults in your life to have conversations and relationships with but I think "your lot" are not necessarily the ones who are going to help improve your mental health..  Hopefully your outburst will at least have give them something to reflect on.   They don't seem to be very practiced at "walking a mile in another person's shoes" before jumping in to judge.

stymied

I may be totally misunderstanding as can’t hear the tone but maybe saying yes to the offers of help, packing up stuff for your unit & going round for your tea one night might help create a more positive relationship with your family? Also it does sound like your sister is struggling herself - having no help or company at all in the evenings genuinely must be hard for her. This has been a !!!!!! year-and-a-bit for everyone just in different ways and your family may be hiding more trauma themselves than you realise?

I’m not saying they treated you well; they should definitely have checked in to see how you were doing. And what they said about you not missing DD was totally unacceptable but don’t turn down the olive branches if they’re genuinely offered…

AntoMac

Sounds like your week ended positively Emma. The heritage thing is interesting. On my Mum’s side they all seemed to have very brown eyes/dark hair and a kind of tanned complexion. One of my cousins did a DNA test and came back pretty much exclusively West Country. Mum’s brother was very popular with the ladies. I’m sure it helps when you have the charm and the chat to boot.
I can’t imagine/remember what dating is like after being married so long. Is it nerve wracking? I think my deadpan dad jokes would go down like a lead balloon and make it awkward. 
what a nice surprise winning the £100. That’s some good karma. 

You’re not selfish feeling sad about your daughter going away. That’s normal. Think how nice it will be when you reunite. 
Interesting that you’ve been getting some BT offers. Is there any way you can use a balance transfer to pay less interest? If used sensibly  they can be a useful tool. They can of  course get you into trouble so you have to be careful with them.
Your ongoing story is always interesting to read and you seem to be going in the right direction albeit with a few bumps along the way
Have a good weekend

Primrose

Emma - I guess it's totally understandable your GP friend can,t focus much on your relationship with his mother's illness.  he must feel doubly  impotent having trained as a medic and being as helpless as anybody else to control the situation.  All you can do is be there as a friend and a listening ear.

perhaps you and your sister need to set some common daily goals to share if she,s struggling and check in with a brief email or text every night to compare how you're doing?

Primrose

I don,t think you need to worry about the regularity of your running Emma if its keeping you  healthy, focused and off other "cures" for your health and well being.  You seem to lead a busy life and i think for most people all these activities tend to regulate themselves according to the time available.