Debt, debt and more debt.

Drawingaline

Sometimes finding that balance with a business is hard. Need to take the small short term hit for long term gain. 

Primrose

Emma

Perhaps your children need to realise that there's no gain without pain, and if they want things from you, certain obligations are part of the package.  I know that sounds like tough parenting, but if they don't grow up as cognitive teenagers with a respect for "give & take" they're could end up being rather selfish partners when they eventually marry.   And guess who'll get the ultimate blame?  Yes, Mum who brought them up.   I do think you're making a hard rod for your own back not at least hinting to your sister about your financial circumstances though. 

I know life is very hard at the moment and tough on you as a single parent with no partner to help enforce discipline. ,, but whilst they may not enjoy learning some of its lessons, your children will be better prepared as adult citizens than some of the kids at privileged expensive boarding schools where an inherited sense of entitlement doesn't best prepare them for co-existing with some of the realities of the real world most  of us have to live in.     "Don't want to help me moving stuff to the unit?    OK that's fine - your choice, but no money for going shopping unfortunately then.    "    I didn't much enjoy living with those rules when I was a teenager but as an adult I'm now doubly grateful for the sense of responsibility and obligation I learnt as a result.    Just a thought!.  Some lessons take a long time to imprint on us when we're young but that doesn't mean they're no worth learning. 

janb5

I think Primrose is very succinct in her comments and as a single parent myself it`s very hard when you want to be ` popular`.  Even if your sister has a different lifestyle she should be more sensitive around you and it would be great to have her support.

I often had the comments...so and so doesn't have to pay rent, do chores etc but as Primrose says  they have to appreciate that if everyone pulls together the rewards are that much more sweeter.

dawnybabes

If your daughter wants the lovely new clothes then she has to do something to help you - they need to realise that you all have to pull together 

AntoMac

Emma,
It’s a real shame you seem to get such little support from your family. I’m sure that you must feel like you’re running just to stand still a lot of the time. Is it not worth even trying to speak to your sister? The debt you have is hardly due to an extravagant lifestyle, and certainly wasn’t all spent on yourself. Surely your sister as your own flesh and blood should have a modicum of understanding? As for the attitude of your kids all I can suggest is keep reminding them how hard you continue to work to provide for them. Also tell them how much their apparent lack of respect upsets you. I know I can never directly control anyone else’s behaviour, nor would I want to. All I TRY to do is show people by my actions how I like to treat people, and that a bit of kindness and respect goes a long way.
One thing for sure is you’ll continue to work hard. Sounds like your business is really coming together. Hope it’s not as hot with you as it is down here. Beats me why people like this weather. 

Parkyp

Hi Emma, you don’t have to tell your family your debt. Just explain that finances aren’t what they used to be you went from a two income family down to one but still have all the same outlays and you don’t have your full time job with guaranteed salary that you used to have. 

Primrose

Emma, Parkyp's suggestion is a sound one. I think your sister is in need of a gentle reality check regarding yiur circumstances, and sadly, the more you continue to portray the imagine of a "coping" financial situation, the more she,s likely to go on assuming that the limits of yiur wallet are boundless.

from the hairdresser incident it seems that her abilities to set her own parenting boundaries are fairly limited.  You've been doing so well getting back on your financial feet again it would be a shame to let the influences and circumstances of others define or derail your own agenda.

a part time job might ease your financial pressures and give you a higher degree of income security but would your children help with more chores if you're time limited, or would they just expect more money to be coming their way?.  You might have to sell it to them that you need the income to continue keeping a roof over your heads rather than it being a hopeful source of more pocket money.  Also, might you have to offset the potential loss of some of your tutoring income which might be more profitable per hour than any part time job income. 

Primrose

Very insensitive comment of your sister Emma.   That must have stung.
As for her asking if she's been dumped. I'd have been tempted to respond "No, but I'm getting tired of you continually mocking me for the efforts I make to to pay my essential household bills and keep my family's heads above water as a single parent. ..  Perhaps we need a little space between us until you can respect my situation?." 

Possibly, because your family always see you in a pro-active coping mode they fail to understand how fast this swan is actually having to paddle under the water to keep going?  Maybe you have to sit your sister down and tell her bluntly how hard it is for a single parent to keep your family afloat, even if you don't admit to your debts.  She sounds a rather self centred individual.

Worrying for you for your son testing positive but he's in the care of another parent and as you say, you can't afford self isolation if he returns home.  With the school holidays coming up, it's probably time to make your daughter understand you need more domestic help to take the pressure off you a little. 

stymied

Hi, I hope you don’t mind me following along. To me Del Boy is a bit of a wheeler dealer, someone who buys & sells but I never used to really watch the program. I wouldn’t take the comment as always making money.

It’s a shame your mum didn’t try and understand :-(

I’m afraid the answer to DD really does have to be no. Your parents are grown ups too and they can also say no; that’s not your responsibility. If she were stuck somewhere dangerous for a lift home you wouldn’t hesitate. This was a want not a need.

Are you enjoying having the unit to store your stock?

AntoMac

Emma, for your Mum to say things like you ‘turned out no good’ really is unkind. Having followed your story I think you are a remarkably resilient and hardworking woman. You’ve been through some horrendous stuff and come back from it every time. If you were friend or family of mine I’d be very proud of you.
Lots of interesting comments.and advice on here. Plenty of different perspectives but every one supportive. One positive case for getting a part time job is the adult interaction, which you did touch on. I’ve met some great friends for life through work. In time you would likely be able to talk about life with those you get on with. You’d be surprised, or you might not be, how many apparently secure and confident people have tough stuff going on, and how helpful it can be to talk about things over a nice walk, coffee or whatever. Sounded like even your sister has hinted at a few cracks in her ‘money no object’ world.
Hope your boy feels better soon. Seems to be loads of cases at the moment.