Debt, debt and more debt.

Primrose

Emma - I'm going to be blunt here.  You simply have to drop your false pride and tell your sister you can't afford your daughter's holiday.   "Thank  you for inviting her but the cost will put me in debt and as a single person I can't afford to as I have nobody to bail me out".       The longer you leave them in the dark about your financial status the more you're going to expose yourself in the future to more pressure of a similar kind.

If they're happy to put debt debt on their own credit cards that's their business.  However hard it feels, you're only encouraging your daughter to pressure you to live beyond your means when you respond to these pressures.  You're slogging away tutoring on the one hand to earn money to help pay your debts, and then giving way to such family pressure negates all your efforts.
If they're prepared to pay for your daughter's holiday you have to be sure in your own mind this won't result in moral blackmail on other issues later.

Few people know the real state of other indivduals' finance.  I once knew a lovely multi millionaire who unpretentiously drove around in a battered old car when he could have bought the most expensive car on the market because he deliberately didn't want to look pretentious with many of the people he mixed with socially and in his voluntary work.

dawnybabes

It won’t  just be £300 will it, presume your DD will need spending money and if anything like my friends kids new clothes/shoes etc 

Queen_of_the_Hive

@[Deleted User] - Well done on your tutoring successes. Something to be proud of. If only I could afford to have a tutor I'd be knocking on your door for my two

As parents we do things for our kids even if we can't really afford it. I remember my mum finding the money for my sister to pursues horses even when she was struggling herself but she kept going. This is one of the hardships of parenthood. The holiday is not a bad thing at all, you just should pat yourself on the back for being awesome and doing all you can for your kids. If you were closer I would happily go for a walk or a dodgy jog with you. You write like you are finding life a bit of a slog at the moment. This will pass and will get better, just be kind to yourself and remember you have many forum friends here to cheer you onwards. 

My hair needs a cut and colour cut too but I too am holding fire until September when expenses should calm down. Your definitely not on your own X 

Four_Seasons

Sending you hugs Emma, I am sorry life is a struggle at the moment, I love your posts. I would love to join in your walk but with your energy you would leave me standing!! x

AntoMac

There’s some lovely supportive posts on here Emma, we’re all on your side.
Keep reminding your kids of the sacrifices you’re continually making for them. One day they’ll understand and appreciate it!

Shame their Dad doesn’t take a bit more of an interest in them but his only interest seems to be himself. You’re well rid there. I wonder if you can block his number so that he can’t send you BS messages? 

One thing you can do is sleep at night knowing that you treat others with respect.

SonnyLumiere

Sorry to hear things have been tough, but it sounds as if your getting to a better place. Congrats on building your own business!
Just wanted to comment on the running thing. I've run / jogged since I was young. When Parkrun started up I joined in and started running harder and faster, always chasing a few seconds off my last best time, and running more frequently. In my case, it led to frequent injuries - mostly calf strains. It meant I couldn't run for a few weeks and then having recovered, a few months later, the same thing would happen again. Sorted out proper running shoes / gait analysis, spaced out my runs / recovery time, did the stretches / used rollers, and have been fine since.
Apologies if you already know all this, but I know how frustrating it is if you can't run (thru injury) when running is one of the things that keeps us all going.

Jox

It's a traumatising memory Emma, I can imagine, I've been through some trauma with my OH, it affects everything I do and say, it's stressful! I didn't tell anyone for a long time but last couple of years I've been telling friends and family, yes they judge, but when we bottle things up we're only protecting and prolonging the bad behaviour. 
I'd say it's good to be open about the debts, we're all in different boats but help can come from unexpected places and even people who earn £170k can have debts and money worries and secrets. Usually the more you earn the more money troubles people can have cos they want all the trappings that comes with the bigger salary, the money they get is never enough to keep up with the Jones

Queen_of_the_Hive

Hi @[Deleted User], 

I am really pleased to hear you are getting up and running with the unit. Like you say yourself should help with giving you work area and home area. Will you be getting racking and boxes etc to help with organising the clothes? 

Cannot begin to understand the trauma you've experienced in the past, but try not to give up finding the good people. Live life at your own pace but don't give up. Sometimes the most unlikely places become the best for support and friendship. I don't know if this is useful advice or not but the Happy Place podcast by Fern Cotton is worthy of a listen to or the book if you prefer reading, there are of course many others out there too but I have walked miles listening to episodes and its been an eye opener on my own ways of looking at things. 

AntoMac

Wow Emma, hearing what you’ve been through makes how you’re doing now even more impressive. Huge respect to you. I’ve had it myself on a much lesser scale. Girlfriend years ago would randomly physically attack me out of the blue and accuse me of fancying every woman I set eyes on. Although I’m over 6ft I couldn’t exactly whack her back. Very strange when you live that kind of existence. Takes a lot of coming back from.
Sounds like things are coming together with your business. You’re doing so well and we’re all proud of you

Queen_of_the_Hive

[Deleted User] said:

@jox - I have full empathy with your situation. I have very little tolerance and so if I am wronged I can't stay somewhere. This has made my life harder as a result. Some of my friends are in marriages that I would have walked away from but they haven't. Financially they are doing much better than me. Sending you a hug for your situations. 

@Queen_of_the_Hive I have boxes- I got them from an Auction when I knew I was leaving the ex. I have one box in my unit at the minute! Fern Cotton- I'll google that today.

@Antomac- You've thrown me. I had you down for much shorter. Funny isn't it how I have attributed physical festures to everybody on here without actually knowing what you look like. I'll have to stretch you a bit. As for physical violence- I've had one of those relationships too when I was 18. He was also a vile individual. Veey charismatic. Eveybody loved him, wanted to be him or wanted to be with him. I was the lucky one! Ten years ago he asked to meet me. Wanted to make peace and apologised. Turned up in a 150k car and when he held his drink I could see the scars on his knuckles from all those years ago. That relationship ended when he got his ex girlfriend pregnant. He turned out to be a self made multi-millionaire in the end. Bit of a sad character really. When I was 18 he was like a God! 

Several months after that meeting he lost everything for not paying HMRC. Companies House! God provides! 

Today I'm still packing up. It's been really long days/nights and bless the dog he has stayed up with me. He follows me all over the house. 

Finacially I've taken a bit of a hit with initial deposit and first month of the unit but I'll just have to work that little bit harder to claw it back. See my positive attitude is back? 

I've saved some tutoring money and sold a picture, so I have £30 for DD's holiday. £270 to go. 

Have a good day. No run this morning but I will go out at 6 instead. 

YES! Emma the warrior is back! 

Yes you've taken a bit of a hit in your business but you've also taken the next steps in growing it too. Absolutely awesome. £30 is a good start.. keep going!