Debt, debt and more debt.

Humdinger1

@[Deleted User] so thrilled to hear that you're getting your space, life and sanity back!  The only way is up; be kind to yourself as there's going to be a process of adjustment.  We're all here rooting for you Emma; we can see how strong, kind and capable you are love Humdinger x 

janb5

Well said Humdinger - absolutely right! x

[Deleted User]

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Sorry about your friend, hope you're ok?

Well done on the debt reduction, it's going the right way

Pmo2
xx

Primrose

Emma . I think we had all hoped that your  parents moving out would have reduced your stress levels, not increased them as you're still at your mother's beck and call.  Can you be really strong and tell her for a while she really needs to take responsibility for her own actions and behaviour.  She seems to be behaving like an incompetent teenager who doesn't,know her way around in the world.
How does your sister cope with her?  Does she incite the same behaviour in her or does she  just manage to handle her behaviour differently?

Can you just set yourself two priorities over the next month to try and reduce your stress levels and concentrate on them. - and don,t include your parents needs!  Focus of the things that bug your mind most and try and get them somewhere in a disciplined regime.  Let other things take second priority.  Just  focus in trying to get plenty of quality sleep and some peaceful moments..  the better physical and mental shape you're in, hopefully the more competent you'll feel at being able to tackle the tasks facing you.
You've had a really tough year. Your friend's suicide must have shaken you badly.  And it will take time to get all this negativity behind you.  You have done amazingly well to get as far as you have.  Keep reminding yourself of that and every night when you go to bed pause for a minute  and remind yourself of the positives of the day.  Try to go to sleep on an upbeat thought.  The brain has a strange way of responding during our sleeping hours! 

Jox

You're really helpful and kind Emma, I agree with taking a step back and letting people sort their own problems out, they can do their own decluttering and ordering things if they need to.
I was having a bad couple of days with my "partner" and I woke up at 6.30am on Sunday, looked on my phone for a bit then had a compulsion to leave the house, my partner and son were sleeping, I got dressed and got bus after bus around London and spent about 12 hours visiting different places and going to parks, I had some take away coffees and sandwiches, switched my phone off all day and just escaped, it did me a lot of good and made the people I live with miss and appreciate me a bit and was a sign to them not take me for granted and not to take the p**, I'll see how long it lasts...

Jox

Sorry for the loss of your friend as well, so sad

Suffolk_lass

@Primrose makes a really good point about positive things. One of the lovely diaries I follow on here posts a small list of positives for the day and a small list of money saving things. You glossed over it very quickly but you have managed to reduce your debt by a third, much of which has been in the last year which is a massive achievement, especially in the context of all the "extra curricula" things that have happened to you. Maybe bank that ongoing achievement in your signature and start to reflect more on your everyday achievements, not the bits that are not working. It is good to stop and think, and write these things down.

Your parents are trying to control you and your sister, and so nothing you do will be good enough. It is your call how you manage that relationship but you must reflect on how you move to a less demanding version of it going forward. If your mother makes a fuss and you two then fix things for her, why would she stop?

Primrose

Good about the extra tutoring Emma but a real shame about the running club.
Can you sit down with your children and negotiate on this so that everybody get to take something from the communal pot..   Your children need to learn how to give and take too  - something your mother has obviously never learnt   You don't want them to follow the same pattern so they need to understand that all family members have to give and take for everybody's well being, and as the sole income earner and provider for them, they have this lesson to learn too..
Could you get a cheap tent from somewhere and have a "pseudo camping holiday" in your back garden.  probably some new skills for the children to learn re cooking and barbequing.   I think everybody is going to have to make holiday compromises this year and UK holidays are always weather dependent so a good reason not to waste money unnecessarily.

Primrose

Emma. I think most f us would be gibbering wrecks if we constantly had to deal with your mother so good you're starting to recognise the warning signs.  Just give yourself the benefit of the doubt on those occasions and stay well clear.  And  beware the temptations of the free spins too.  An early win is how too many people end up getting hooked in when they're on a winning streak.  It gets harder to walk away but you sound as if you recognise this.
Glad you,ve managed to find a compromise over the running but how are you going to find buyers for all those headboards ???  Maybe find some other decorative use to which they can be put ?

AntoMac

Nice to see things much more positive for you Emma.
Of course very sad about your sister’s friend.
Always worth remembering how well you’ve done and how far you’ve come.