Child Support from ex partner... whats fair?

Poppy9

vik6525 wrote: »

well, i had a little chat with him tonight, and we've agreed on £35 a week. which seems pretty fair to me i think? or is it? oh i dunno!

Perhaps to decide whether it is fair you should add up the extra costs of 'running' your son.

i.e.

1. The difference in rent of a 1 bedroom flat or a two bed flat or house if you require a garden.
2. The difference in utility bills including council tax of having a bigger home.
3. Any bus fares for your son or if you have to run a car to get him to school.
4. Cost of school meals
5. Cost of uniform
6. Cost of clothing and shoes.
7. Cost of providing a laundry service for his clothes
8. Cost of providing childcare for x days/nights per week. If you can only work school hours you should factor in the extra hours you would be able to work upto say 40 hour week.
9. Cost of hair cuts
10. Cost of bedroom furniture, bedding etc
11. Cost of activities and equipement

Then your Ex should draw up a similar list and you should split the difference.

i.e. if your costs come in at £100 per week and his costs come in at £50 per week then you should split the difference £50 50/50.

vik6525

argh.... Im all confuddled now!!! i thought i was doing well!!!!

Zara33

vik6525 wrote: »

argh.... Im all confuddled now!!! i thought i was doing well!!!!

It will be a hard decision...and tbh if i had my way my ex could keep all the child support he pays, if he was to have contact with his son. To pretend that my son does not exist is heart wrenching

Kimitatsu

I get £5 a week for two kids!!

My ex though is a t**t to be honest - if we were "on the bread line" then of course he would contribute. Am currently going through the appeals process as he is self employed.

I would be more than happy with £300 a month!

BARGAINHUNTER!

according to the CSA website, to pay you £35 a week he would have to earn £250 a week. This is based on him having one child, and that child stopping over 2 nights a week. If he earn't £500 a week, the figure should be doubled (£70 a week). I dont know how much lecturers earn, but to give you an idea £500 a week is £2k a month or £24k a year which does not seem like an unrealistic figure to me. £250 a week is £1k a month or £12k a year. I would be very surprised if his salary was this low as a lecturer. Yes he is probably only there a few hours actually lecturing, but there will be planning and marking and meetings to attend to!

I don't know if you were married to this man and have divorced, but if you were was he not forced to do a financial disclosure? The only way that you can be totally sure you are getting what you should would be to involve the CSA. He would have to prove his income to them, and they would make the calculation.

If you are going to come to some arrangement yourselves, please remember that children become a lot more expensive as they get older! You need to factor in an amount that the maintenance will go up by each year or else you could be stuck on £35 a week whilst his salary is happily increasing!!

I wasn't married to my ex, but we had lived together for 13 years and have 2 children together. We do shared care - one week the children live with me and one week they live with their Dad (he lives round the corner from me - we all get on well) I am the resident parent, and I get £233 a month for both children. As the resident parent I am also able to claim child benefit and tax credits and I work part time too to fit in around the children. We calculated this amount using the CSA website, and we have a Deed of Seperation which was drawn up using solicitors. In it it specifies exactly how the child maintenance is calculated and the fact that I am to see my ex's P60 every year so that I can check that I am receiving the correct amount. Im trying to live very simply at the moment, so that I can overpay my mortgage like mad as I am aware of the fact that I am only going to be getting child benefit, child tax credits and maintenance until my children leave full time education.

vik6525

would it be easier if i layed it all out?
ok... Im the resident parent, he stays with his dad two nights a week. I earn minimum wage (£88 a week) and bring home £107 a week in tax credits.
His dad is a p/t college lecturer, own his own home, lives with his partner whos a full time teacher.
We were never married, but things have always been friendly since we split up. His dad is always pleading poverty, but I also know that hes an absolute tight wad, so im never sure quite how much to believe....
any help????

BARGAINHUNTER!

When using the CSA website to calculate the maintenance they are only interested in what the ex, not their current partner earns. She could be earning an awful lot, but that would not affect the amount that your ex would have to pay for his son. It is based on what he earns only. The only way you are going to know for sure that you are getting the correct amount is to ask the CSA to calculate it for you. They will contact your ex, obtain proof of his income and let you both know how much is due to be paid. They can collect the money on your behalf, or you can let your ex pay you direct. My gut feeling about this is that you are being underpaid by your ex. I do not know what university lecturers are on, or if they are self employed or not, but I suspect that he is on more than £12k a year, which is the amount he needs to be on to pay you £35 a week. Incidently, if you were to get income support you would have no choice but to let the CSA sort it out for you!

I know a lot of mums who have come to an arrangement with their ex themselves, some receive a pitance in my opinion and some receive an awful lot! I also know a lot of mums who have used the CSA to calculate it too. Some of them receive the required amount direct from their exs and some of them receive it via the CSA (the CSA take it straight out of exs paypacket I think.) By far the fairest way is to let the CSA calculate it so that you know you are getting the correct amount and your ex knows that he is not paying over the odds!! Failing that, if you are on good terms with your ex it might be worth asking to see his P60 each year so you can both sit down and calculate it yourself. If you feel uncomfortable doing that thats when the CSA will step in and do it on your behalf.

Sarahsaver

I was a full time teacher. Last time I was in full time employment in 2001 I was on 23k a year after 7 years' service as a teacher. That is not IMHO a low income

PasturesNew

vik6525 wrote: »

... I have NO idea how much he earns ...

I can't believe you slept with somebody without knowing how much they're worth first...

Strapped

Acehole wrote: »

I assume your hubby can afford to pay a lot more, I had been giving my ex 700 now 400 out of my 1500 salary it was, is, a fair chunk, I have to live too.

Acehole, I will PM you. Hubby on not much more than you unfortunately :eek: