Financially worried about the future, how do other families manage?

determined_new_ms

you get by, cut back, so the best you can. Once they start getting the free hours childcare it gets easier and less expensive, ad again when they go to school childcare is less expensive as you can use breakfast, after
school clubs and or a childminder that does after school sessions.

We take advantage of the tax free childcare scheme and pay our cm £30 pm this adds up to cover cost of childcare during summer hols. I work f/t but do shifts 3 x 12 hours pw so work less days and my partner has full responsibility for our lo on those days. He gets in to work about 10 mins late on those days and she does a mixture of 1 day a week grandparents have, extra curricular activities at school that are free and then on to the paid after school club. About 6 months in to 1st year at school they have made friends and you have with the parents of said friends and sometimes you swap childcare.

It is a juggling act and we live a fairly frugal life to get the most out of our money.

I was out of work for a year and then worked a few shifts a week in the evenings in a pub for 6 months. Don't under estimate what having 1 parent at home can bring to the family life. While I was out of work I was able to be super frugal and bring costs down that I can't now I'm working full time and take care of all household tasks

You clearly are doing ok because you are not in debt and have savings. Maybe ease up a little on the savings for a while to give a little more slack. It might benefit you to do some cbt exercises about your thought processes and tendency to worry

Finally remember this is just a transient period. They will get older, childcare will happen and then it won't be needed. Talk to your wife and work out how you are both going to manage this going forward

maman

Many posters have said that OP needn't worry because he has savings. I think I read that someone thought he was lucky. I'm sure (unless he won the lottery or had an inheritance) the savings are from hard work not luck. Yes, he could fall back on savings but the family could increase their income.


My reading of the issue is that OP is concerned that although they're getting close to the point (if not already there) that his partner could return to work she seems to be showing no inclination to do so, leaving it to him to work both in his day job and some extra work in the evenings. That seems unfair.


Obviously OP, a care job would be ideal for evening/night work. If your partner doesn't want to return to that, what other skills does she have? Do you know why she's reluctant to even try to get work?:)

pollypenny

OP's description sounds like normal life to me, at that stage.

Why push yourselves for a four-bed house unless you're planning on more children? What about a car share, is that a possibility?

It will get better.

calleyw

maman wrote: »

Obviously OP, a care job would be ideal for evening/night work. If your partner doesn't want to return to that, what other skills does she have? Do you know why she's reluctant to even try to get work?:)

Of if they have any local supermarkets that need shelf stackers over night.


When I did it as a second a job. A lot of staff were female, working 3 nights a week.


Yours


Calley x

MrBrindle

Thanks for the replies all, a lot of great advice about how we can review our spending and come up with plans on cutting back.

Just to clarify one thing, although I said we have a five figure saving, it's only just topping the 5 figure mark. Maybe I'm being a bit greedy because while I was single I had more savings on my own and was able to put money aside every month. Nothing is going into savings at the moment with us, unless I do a large design project which is rare. We certainly don't have enough to pay off some of the mortgage to have much effect on the monthly payments.

And for those commenting about receiving handouts now and again, so what do you suggest, just drain our savings for the next few years until we have nothing left?

We don't really have luxuries, we both have 8+ year old cars, the laptop I use for my design work is 10 years old, my phone is a cracked iphone. We haven't bought anything brand new gadget wise for probably 5 years, no sky tv, no phone contracts (PAYG) etc

Maybe buying the house was a mistake because a lot of money is tied into that now and we probably didn't need a 4 bed house.

My partner thinks my depression and anxiety are magnifying the issue and that it's not really as bad as I'm making it out to be. My mind is too full of what if's, which is a main component of anxiety. I have been for therapy on the anxiety, but not found it hugely beneficial - I've had hypnotherapy and some CBT. The last option is anti-d, but because of an experience in the family, I'm very wary of medication so trying my best not to go down that route.

I have since had a discussion with her about all this, and she IS planning on going back to work, but we need a plan on what to do about looking after the children. I'll probably propose to my mum if she can look after them for 2 days a week or something.

She is great with children so working in a school would be idea, and she would make an excellent carer again, but she's not a Welsh speaker and most schools in this area like staff to have a basic knowledge - even in the English taught schools. I'm a Welsh speaker myself, but I find this rule very unfair and a bit discriminatory, especially when there is no need for it in certain schools.

Mojisola

MrBrindle wrote: »

She is great with children so working in a school would be idea, and she would make an excellent carer again, but she's not a Welsh speaker and most schools in this area like staff to have a basic knowledge - even in the English taught schools.

She's got time to rectify that now before she starts looking for work.

MrBrindle

Mojisola wrote: »

She's got time to rectify that now before she starts looking for work.

Yeah, I should've mentioned she has been taking lessons but finding it difficult. It's quite a hard language to learn in all fairness.

Mojisola

MrBrindle wrote: »

Yeah, I should've mentioned she has been taking lessons but finding it difficult. It's quite a hard language to learn in all fairness.

Does she watch some of the Welsh children's programmes with the little ones? That's a good way to pick up simple phrases and get used to hearing and saying the language.

calleyw

MrBrindle wrote: »

I'm a Welsh speaker myself

Are you helping her learn the language? As speaking welsh at home would help her to pick it up quicker and not lose it.


Yours


Calley x

theoretica

Have you thought about what your savings are for? When would you be contented to spend them?