Financially worried about the future, how do other families manage?

ska_lover

getmore4less wrote: »

£10k savings may sound a lot to some but without a sound budget for the next few years it could get wiped out quickly.

Job loss could distroy it in months.

Solar panels and an electric car and they will have debt.

Still a mickey take to take hand outs when they have solid cash in the bank, based on 'what if's'.....What if the grandparents lost their jobs

The grandparents may not be so lucky to have savings, or realise that OP and family have these savings, and feel they are really helping out - but sounds like the g-parents are being took for a ride, to me

seven-day-weekend

peachyprice wrote: »

Ok, so just what ARE the savings for, if not the help you in times like these?

Seems to me you want to hold on to your savings for nothing in particular, just so you can say you have five figure savings, while they could be used for easing the burden now.

Sorry, I really don't understand this mentality.

The OP is suffering from anxiety. Maybe his savings give him a sense of security and without them his anxiety would be even worse. My husband is the same; he suffers from anxiety and we have substantial savings but he still worries about money. If we had to use our savings to subsidise our income he would be a nervous wreck.

And maybe the grandparents like to help out. We have no grandchildren, but we have helped our son with things on occasions because we have wanted to.

To the OP, I think you are in a better place financially than many young parents. I think your anxiety has fixated on the 'what ifs' that may never occur and about being the sole breadwinner.

As regards your wife going back to work, this does have to be managed, but there are many things she can do. I was a lollipop lady for years - outside my son's school when he was small so he could go there and back with me and just go in the playground while I was working. Later on I went to different schools and got slightly more money (because of extra hours). I also had school holidays off. My son's partner is a cleaner at a local school, she does before school and after school shift so she has decent hours. Again, if it was at your childrens' school, she could do the early afternoon shift and the children could just wait for her, with a book or a toy. Someone else I know does afternoon cleaning in a school and playground supervision at lunchtime. There are other things too that she could do, as others have mentioned, evening supermarket work, waitressing.

Any money she got could be put away to cover new cars etc.
Hope this helps.

pollypenny

getmore4less wrote: »

Parts of Wales 4 bed houses are cheap the differences to smaller places are minimal.

Only if you're in a run down place, struggling for work. You'd be surprised.

TBagpuss

OK, I think that the bigger issue here is that you and your wife are not communicating effectively.
You are anxious and feeling pressure, and her response is to tell you youare over reacting.
She is unwilling toconsider getting paid work, and your reaction is to feel that she isn't supportive.

I would suggesrt trying to focus on improving your communication and trying to find a comprmise both of you feel is reasonable. You might find it useful to think about some joint counselling - relate will work with people help them improve their relationships, they might be worth contacting.

For instance - it may well be true that you are over-reacting - you sound as though your finances are under control and you have some savings for emergencies. But that doesn't make your anxiety any less, or mean that the pressure you feel as the sole bread winner is any less.
So part of the discussions might include you accepting that your reaction might be objectively !!!!!! than is 'reasonable', but asking her to reocognose and accept that the pressure you feel is real, and that her taking on some paid work would have a positive effect- potentially much bigger than the, perhapos relatively small, finacialdifference it would make.

She doesn't sem enthusiastic about fgoing back to work, so take spme time to listen to her concerns about discuss ways you can, as a family, address them. For instnace, with the concrete issues such as pre/after school care, and holidays, think about what the paractical options might be - e.g. after school clubs, both of you separately using holiday entitlements, perhaps grandparents coming to stay to help out during parts of some holidays, reciprocal arrangements with other working parents etc.

Think about starting small - maybe if she were to commit to trying to find part time work 1 day a week while your youngest is in nursery / school to begin with, and take it from there.

Listen to waht she has to say - it may be that part of it is that she doesn't want te children to be in clubs ertc and feels they are better off being looked after by a parent. Perhaps she is worried about her skills in the workplace, and whether she will struggle to move back into work.

You may find it helpful when discussing things to focus on how you each feel, rather than trying to convince her that you are right or that she is wrong.

For instnace, if you are saying to her that she neds to go back to work because you don't, as a family, have enough savings and could struggle if you have unexpected bills, then she is likely to foicus on trying to convince you that you are overreacting or that you do have enough money to go round.
If you focus on how you feel - that you feel huge pressure because you are the sole breadwinner at present, that you feel very anxious that you as a family are not putting savings aside on a regular basis, then it allows you to bring up the issue that you undetrstnsad it can look lioke over reacting, that you may, as a family,not be in as precarious a ;position as you think, but that nevertheless the current situation is making you unwell and you need to work together to find ways you can both cope.

In terms of how others cope, you may find it useful to bear in mind that mostly, people don't share details about their finances. A lot of people will have much more debt than you, and be living in debt.
Some will have had more financial help from family, for instnace towards a deposit or by way of inheritance.
Others will have higher paying jobs, or may have been older and built up bigger savings pots before they started a family.
And so on.
So don't compare yourself too much with others, but do look at ways you can change your current situation so it works better for you and your wife.

Savvy_Sue

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Again, if it was at your childrens' school, she could do the early afternoon shift and the children could just wait for her, with a book or a toy.

Personally, I don't think this would work, especially not while the children are as young as they are. Maybe some children could sit quietly with a book or toy on a regular basis, but as an employer I would ONLY find this acceptable in an emergency, definitely not on a regular basis.

getmore4less

This anxiety thing goes back a bit it is quite deep rooted

2 house moves under 3 years(Dec 15 and around march 18) won't have helped.
The second without a vacant possession on completion

Some of the older threads give more context.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

I honestly think you're over reacting; talk about First World Problems. You have a four bed house for 4 people, two of whom are really small, a small mortgage, five figure savings & two cars. Perspective...I have a two bed house for three adults (one of whom is really big), one car and I rent.

You need to realise you are in an enviable position. The issue appears to be with your wife and her return to work. Some good old fashioned conversation would help with that - but she makes a valid point about schools. If you are determined that she should work (and indeed she should) she'll need to look at getting an evening job, so you can take over childcare.

Mojisola

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I
The issue appears to be with your wife and her return to work. Some good old fashioned conversation would help with that - but she makes a valid point about schools. If you are determined that she should work (and indeed she should) she'll need to look at getting an evening job, so you can take over childcare.

Or she goes back to work full-time and the OP becomes the part-time worker and child carer.

Man_From_Bath

I totally get your situation. I've recently left a job on £47k due to stress related illness and i now earn only 50% of this. When my children were younger it was a constant worry, i was interest only on my mortgage and holding down two jobs whilst wife looked after the kids.

I'm now 47 and about 12 years ago my wife decided to become a childminder, this helped big time. That said i still stress about money, but if it's not money ill find something else to worry about.

Keep talking, as others have said you've got money in the bank, got your own house and try to just enjoy your family.

Fire_Fox

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I honestly think you're over reacting; talk about First World Problems. You have a four bed house for 4 people, two of whom are really small, a small mortgage, five figure savings & two cars. Perspective...I have a two bed house for three adults (one of whom is really big), one car and I rent.

You need to realise you are in an enviable position.

Anxiety and depression are not 'first world problems' they are medical conditions with very real physical symptoms.