Financially worried about the future, how do other families manage?

onwards&upwards

maman wrote: »

I'm all for sharing household tasks but surely if OP's wife is at home all day, children at school and (soon to be) nursery how much of that needs to be done in the evening?? Yes to cooking a meal and caring for the children (baths, homework, reading stories etc.) but not leave all that list to him.


Whether 2 cars are needed depends on whether it's possible to walk the children to school. Hopefully it is as it's healthier for everyone. Then it depends on what sort of job OP's wife takes. If it's in the evenings maybe they can share a car.

If he works 8 hours a day and she were to work 4 or 5 do you think it’s fair she does 100% of the ironing, washing etc?

maman

onwards&upwards wrote: »

If he works 8 hours a day and she were to work 4 or 5 do you think it’s fair she does 100% of the ironing, washing etc?

No, not 100% but I really don't think it would be necessary (or fair) for the cooking, cleaning, ironing and housework to be left for him in the evening as suggested in the post I responded to. Especially as he'll have the children to look after (feed, bed, bath etc) and, as I said, one child will be at school and one soon at nursery for part of the day when mum is at home.

MrBrindle

peachyprice wrote: »

How do other families manage?

Well in this house we've both always worked. I took 6 months maternity leave with both pregnancies, went back to work, even worked 2 jobs while my twins were small. Being a SAHM would have been a luxury, one we couldn't afford.

Who looked after the children when you went back to work??

It doesn't really feel like a luxury at the moment - not for me anyway.

MrBrindle

maman wrote: »

I agree that childcare does have to be taken into consideration but it is manageable. It seems to me is that the problem is that your wife is enjoying being a SAHM and reluctant to give it up.


Although some would say that £24 000 is a good wage, it's not that high for a family of 4 with a mortgage and other outgoings.


I'm confused that you've had help with school dinners. If your 4 year old is at school, I thought dinners were free up to age 7? Not sure when your youngest turns 3 but free hours should be available then. I'm assuming you live in England.


Of course, term time jobs are not that easy to get but they do exist and if she doesn't try then it won't happen. It's hard to advise without knowing what skills your wife has but she should be prepared to take any job to help the family finances. It's not fair IMO to leave it all to you especially as it's causing you stress.

No, we are in Wales and not eligible for free school meals as I earn above the threshold (£16k or thereabouts)

MrBrindle

Pollycat wrote: »

I posted earlier on my phone but I've since had chance to re-read the initial post.

Who will do the school runs and who will look after the kids during holidays if/when your wife goes back to work?
It's a valid question and they certainly won't look after themselves.
Jobs that fit around school times and holidays are rare.
Does your wife have skills that might get her a job with hours to suit the family?
If not, could she consider some sort of training, maybe evening time?

You say your parents' have helped financially - would they be able to help with childcare?

As an aside - I'm not sure I think it fair to "rely on handouts" from parents when you have a 5 figure sum sat in savings.
Unless of course, both parents have enough money to give handouts.
But that's just my opinion.

Yeah that's all fair enough, and I don't know who will look after the kids during hols. My parents live 45mins away so cannot expect them to travel everyday to look after them. And my partners' mother isn't healthy enough to look after two small children.

I was brought by my grandparents while my parents worked and I really envy those who have that luxury these days.

No it's not fair to 'rely on handouts' now and again, I mentioned I didn't like it. But to answer your question, yes, they can both afford to do it not and again. I just don't want it do be like this for the next 20 years or whatever.

maman

MrBrindle wrote: »

No, we are in Wales and not eligible for free school meals as I earn above the threshold (£16k or thereabouts)

OK, that explains things. In England, free meals for infants came in with coalition government.

I'll leave you to respond to other questions before asking more.

MrBrindle

Thanks for all the replies, finding it difficult to reply to all.

To summarise:

- We are in Wales, not eligible for school dinners.
- Our children start our school at 3.5 years old - half days for two terms then moving up to full days.
- We need 2 cars as I commute to work and my partner doesn't live close enough to the school to walk.
- I understand it's hard to find jobs surrounding school times and holidays, there must be something though?
- She has worked as a carer before, so those hours could fit in with school hour, even though she said she never wants to do that again.
- My parents live 45 mins away, but could perhaps look after the kids a few times a week.
- Her mother isn't healthy enough to look after the children for long amounts of time.

I may add that I do some extra work as a musician and designer, which brings in extra cash - but I tend to get aggrieved by this because it's me again, working. And it's difficult to concentrate when you only have a few hours a night to get stuck into a project.

just_trying

MrBrindle wrote: »

Yeah that's all fair enough, and I don't know who will look after the kids during hols. My parents live 45mins away so cannot expect them to travel everyday to look after them. And my partners' mother isn't healthy enough to look after two small children.

I was brought by my grandparents while my parents worked and I really envy those who have that luxury these days.

No it's not fair to 'rely on handouts' now and again, I mentioned I didn't like it. But to answer your question, yes, they can both afford to do it not and again. I just don't want it do be like this for the next 20 years or whatever.

Why accept it when you have savings? Seems greedy, I take it they don't know about your savings.

Your partner is providing full time child care, how much would that cost plus your getting ctc and child benefit, how much are they versus how much she would earn working and paying child care?

You seem money hungry, sorry. Pleading poverty when you've got good savings. It's not easy with children fitting in working, yes people put there children in daycare, which some agree with some don't! Others work evenings. It's what works for the whole family. You seem obsessed with money and your not struggling.

Drawingaline

I always worked three evenings a week 6-10pm. Now I work 9-3 as I needed to be home in the evenings due to issues with my youngest child. My 15yr old now has them in the holidays, previously my sister did as she is a teacher and was around then.

You sound like you are doing OK. We would love to upgrade our house to a four bed (we have four kids in a three bed) but the increase in mortgage would make me uncomfortable so we will stay put. But it's only in the past two years that we have really become better with our finances. We won't be going on any foreign holidays as a family soon, but enjoy breaks in the uk. It took my husband being out of work for 18months for us to really get to grips with how important being debt free and having an emergency fund is. We paid the mortgage and bills with me working two part time jobs, it was stressful!

Maybe break up your savings a little. So a certain amount for an emergency fund, a bit for a new car fund/car repair maintenance fund, a bit for income replacement etc. Maybe doing this with your wife will show her how far this somewhat large amount of savings might stretch, and with her doing only a few hours somewhere you could each a goal faster?

And never underestimate how important her job is in the home. If her working full time makes her uncomfortable then definitely approach part time eve/weekend working. But I do think discussing your common financial goals may be the way forward.

Ms_Chocaholic

Could extended family help care for the children when your wife goes back to work?