Equity - Boyfriend - new house argument

Annieireland71

KatrinaWaves wrote: »

It doesnt GIVE you anything, its a loan for 20% of the money, with interest payable after 5 years.

So basically another chunk of debt.

Either this is a wind up or someone has their head so far into the financial sand no amount of pulling is gonan get them out. Theyll be bankrupt before this is sorted.

i seriously hope not.

im going to look at a house that is affordable to me. i already have my mortgage approved in pinciple. i need £5k from him and thats it

Annieireland71

Comms69 wrote: »

Can you send me a link to this? Because I've never heard of it and I've been on the housing board for years

https://www.helptobuy.gov.uk/equity-loan/equity-loans/

Comms69

KatrinaWaves wrote: »

It doesnt GIVE you anything, its a loan for 20% of the money, with interest payable after 5 years.

So basically another chunk of debt.

Either this is a wind up or someone has their head so far into the financial sand no amount of pulling is gonan get them out. Theyll be bankrupt before this is sorted.

Yes that makes more sense. I've never heard of 'free' money, except for the HTB isa


Thanks

Candyapple

Annieireland71 wrote: »

you have not missed a thing

I’ll ask again, why do you still want to be in a relationship with him then? What does he do for you? Is the sex really that amazing that you are willing to bankrupt yourself, work yourself into an early grave and leave your own children penniless?


You don’t have a partner, you have inherited a manchild. A leach who is sucking the life out of you. But rather than do the right thing and cut off the blood supply and suffer the initial pain from doing so, you are openly cutting the wound further allowing him more and more access.

rach_k

If you love him, facts might not change that, but look at it from another POV. He's said that he can't work because of you, and your children are too loud for him. It sounds like living with you isn't the best thing for him (if you believe him, which I wouldn't but I don't know him or you). You can love somebody and be in a relationship with them without living together.

I'd suggest giving him the 12K now, if he'd still agree to take it, then rent a place big enough just for you and your children. Tell him to rent somewhere for himself and his family for a short time... "while we house-hunt and sort out finances and to let him de-stress". He sounds like the kind of person who would happily spend the £12k on living costs if he thinks he'll get his money-source (you) back soon.

Forget about buying a house right now. Sort out your family first. If you end up renting longer term, it's not the end of the world and I'd consider it a price worth paying to get shut of him... but you can still be his partner while he lives elsewhere. Once you're out from under the same roof as him, you might not feel so much love anyway, but you can decide that later.

Annieireland71

rach_k wrote: »

If you love him, facts might not change that, but look at it from another POV. He's said that he can't work because of you, and your children are too loud for him. It sounds like living with you isn't the best thing for him (if you believe him, which I wouldn't but I don't know him or you). You can love somebody and be in a relationship with them without living together.

I'd suggest giving him the 12K now, if he'd still agree to take it, then rent a place big enough just for you and your children. Tell him to rent somewhere for himself and his family for a short time... "while we house-hunt and sort out finances and to let him de-stress". He sounds like the kind of person who would happily spend the £12k on living costs if he thinks he'll get his money-source (you) back soon.

Forget about buying a house right now. Sort out your family first. If you end up renting longer term, it's not the end of the world and I'd consider it a price worth paying to get shut of him... but you can still be his partner while he lives elsewhere. Once you're out from under the same roof as him, you might not feel so much love anyway, but you can decide that later.

I feel that is the point i have reached. but once we are apart that will be it for me.
i will resent what he has done to me (although i allowed it and hoped for the best) i could not look him in the eye or even let him touch me

I hate myself

Annieireland71

Candyapple wrote: »

I’ll ask again, why do you still want to be in a relationship with him then? What does he do for you? Is the sex really that amazing that you are willing to bankrupt yourself, work yourself into an early grave and leave your own children penniless?


You don’t have a partner, you have inherited a manchild. A leach who is sucking the life out of you. But rather than do the right thing and cut off the blood supply and suffer the initial pain from doing so, you are openly cutting the wound further allowing him more and more access.

he is worse than a manchild - much worse

and the upsetting thing is that when is is happy he is so lovely

fred246

I think you really need to telephone one of the domestic abuse helplines. I am sure they would be really supportive and offer practical advice.

Candyapple

rach_k wrote: »

I'd suggest giving him the 12K now, if he'd still agree to take it, then rent a place big enough just for you and your children. Tell him to rent somewhere for himself and his family for a short time... "while we house-hunt and sort out finances and to let him de-stress". He sounds like the kind of person who would happily spend the £12k on living costs if he thinks he'll get his money-source (you) back soon.

Bad advice.

1. OP can't get any further loans / credit at the moment. She is £25k in debt with a £36k salary. No lender will touch her.

2. Why would the partner accept £12k to !!!!!! off now when he can quite easily get triple that (£33k) from the sale of the house and still walk away free?

3. He wants the £12k from the OP only if she uses his equity to put towards deposit on the new property. He's not stupid.

4. If OP followed your advice and gave him £12k now and then he moved into his own rented place and then OP told him the relationship was over, he would still be entitled to the £33k equity so OP would have lost an additional £12k for nothing.

Annieireland71

fred246 wrote: »

I think you really need to telephone one of the domestic abuse helplines. I am sure they would be really supportive and offer practical advice.

thankyou for the post - i appreciate it