Equity - Boyfriend - new house argument

JGB1955

Please tell me you're OK - I'm sending a big hug and hope you're in a safe place ...

calleyw

Annieireland71 wrote: »

I deserve all I get

No you don't.


You need help and guidance. You have done nothing but love someone who used you. I have been in that sort of relationship. Lucky we lived apart and no money involved. He knew I was in love with him but treated me shockingly and every time he clicked his fingers, made a promise that he would meet me I would go running. I am very ashamed of some of the stuff I did to get his attention.


Now is not the time to berate yourself. Now is the time to regroup and stand firm. The Samaritans number is 116 123 they are there to listen about anything 24 hours a day. Someone will listen and not judge you.


I know its easy for me to say but at the end of day its only money and you mental health and well being is worth so much more than that. Its never easy starting over and we fear that if we leave it will be worse. How can it be if don't want to go home and he makes you feel like this.


Yours


Calley x

rach_k

Candyapple wrote: »

Bad advice.

1. OP can't get any further loans / credit at the moment. She is £25k in debt with a £36k salary. No lender will touch her.

2. Why would the partner accept £12k to !!!!!! off now when he can quite easily get triple that (£33k) from the sale of the house and still walk away free?

3. He wants the £12k from the OP only if she uses his equity to put towards deposit on the new property. He's not stupid.

4. If OP followed your advice and gave him £12k now and then he moved into his own rented place and then OP told him the relationship was over, he would still be entitled to the £33k equity so OP would have lost an additional £12k for nothing.

1. A loan for what? I'm suggesting not buying a new house and using the equity to pay him off.

2. He offered to accept the 12K.

3. That may well be the case but he's been so manipulative that I'd have a go at doing it back to him. Tell him she hasn't found the right house for them all yet so it'll have to be rentals for a while. None of us know him but the OP may know if it'd work. It's only a suggestion.

4. Get something drawn up by solicitors that he's taking the 12K lump sum and relinquishing his share of the house. Don't mention the need to buy a new house with the equity. I think he sounds like such a scrounger that the offer of £12K in his pocket might be enough to convince his money-grabbing little mind that it'll all be fine. If not, I'd just pay him the 50% and live in rented accommodation. Better not to own if she's free of him.

theoretica

Annieireland71 wrote: »

* I purchased house 2003 - joint tenants with ex husband

* I bought him out in august 2015 - mortgae in my name (£100k equity mine)

* We (current partner & I) remortgaed in December 2017 with additional funds of £47K (tenants in Common 50/50) - current partner contributed NOTHING to equity (remortgaed and took £24K cash from equity)

Why did you give him half your house, changing from sole ownership to 50:50? I suspect that was part of the financial abuse and it would be worth seeking advice on whether you can get it back into your sole name without paying him off.

suejb2

155 posts. No one has mentioned school holidays...... just saying!

calleyw

suejb2 wrote: »

155 posts. No one has mentioned school holidays...... just saying!

Even if it is. Round here it starts next week. Does it matter? The advice is still valid and might useful to someone else.


Yours


Calley x

mark5

You might have feelings for him but he’s bleeding you dry once the money runs out he’ll be off.

Mojisola

Annie - have you spoken to any advisors or family or friends to get help?

Annieireland71

Mojisola wrote: »

Annie - have you spoken to any advisors or family or friends to get help?

i have spoken to a lot of people.

hes agreed to sign the money back to me - and we are going into rented accommodation.

need space to breathe

Annieireland71

theoretica wrote: »

Why did you give him half your house, changing from sole ownership to 50:50? I suspect that was part of the financial abuse and it would be worth seeking advice on whether you can get it back into your sole name without paying him off.

tried - no good....