Loveless Marriages

ska_lover

Hi Suzie
I just read this thread, and I do hope you are Okay
I know you say in post one that you want to protect your husband from being unhappy - but in doing so, you are making yourself unhappy

If you do not love him anymore - at least learn to love yourself, and do what does make you happy.

You know what you need to do. Delaying it, could lead to big regrets later in life if you spend another few years or decades with him...when y ou could have been free, and happy.

JackeeBoy

Children and mortgage. My wife and I have been together for 7 years or so and going through a rough patch where we are hardly talking to one another. Any little thing I do is met with a sarcastic or non cooperative response. If we were to split, chances are we'll do so and both continue to live with one another for the sake of the house and children.

just_trying

JackeeBoy wrote: »

Children and mortgage. My wife and I have been together for 7 years or so and going through a rough patch where we are hardly talking to one another. Any little thing I do is met with a sarcastic or non cooperative response. If we were to split, chances are we'll do so and both continue to live with one another for the sake of the house and children.

Why live together?

You should have written your children first (just a opinion). Why would you want them living in a environment where there parents don't like each other. The other thing being you'll hopefully each meet other people who make you happy. This is if you do separate.

All relationships have there ups and downs for whatever reason. Can you not sort it out?

SparklesSuzie

I’ve had my first counselling session.

I was listening to myself & thinking you know what you have got to do.

Then I see my husband and feel sad for him. But I do not love him. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him and I want to separate. It’s so hard.............

ska_lover

aww Suzie, - Hugs to you

I know it is hard, my love.

The problem with that, is, it is never going to get easier

It is never going to be the right time.

Any other persons happiness is not your responsibility, Including your husbands.

Primrose

We're all responsible for our own behaviour to others, even if it happened years ago and your husband has to understand that even though he's been trying to make amends, once you kill somebody's love for you, it's often impossible to resurrect it.


Hopefully your counselling sessions will help to make you feel stronger and get to the point where you have the resolution to drive through the changes which need to happen in your life. It won't be easy but you still have a lot of life in front of you and need to remind yourself that the passing of time will make this easier.


Perhaps your husband needs to grasp a similar nettle and get his own counselling?

SparklesSuzie

Thankyou ska lover.

I know this last month or so I’ve noticed I’m snapping at him a lot more. I’m resenting him. I’ve also fully detached. I don’t want to spend time with him and I sleep in a separate bedroom. This was initially due to his snoring (it was easier to tell him this) but it’s lively having my own room. He never wanted to do any family things when the kids were little but now he is fighting to keep me he wants to do family stuff with me. Too late for me really and bitter sweet as this is what I always wanted. He is still a bit mean though and if we go out for a meal rarely it’s always me that has to pay.

SparklesSuzie

Thankyou Primrose.

I’m still on with my plans for September.

This and this thread is keeping me going but who knows if I will be able to go through with it come September. I do hope so for me but then I start thinking of him and how devastated he will be.

Primrose

I think over the next couple of months you have to try as hard as you can to mentally separate yourself from his emotions and practice concentrating on yours. It won't be easy but try as hard as you can to keep yourself physically out of his way and do what activities you can in a separate room.


If you have friends who are aware of your situation, keep them on board. Their support will be helpful in helping your to see things through if you feel yourself starting to waver. Make a list of next steps and work towards them to give yourself a goal to focus on.


Why September specifically? Is this how long you feel you need until then to get your finances in the state you want them for moving on?

SparklesSuzie

Primrose Thankyou I will reply to your message once I am home. I’m just out on a walk with my friend aka therapy lol