Loveless Marriages

trailingspouse

A few things you need to know.

1) You don't need his permission to leave. You can just go. Just like that. You're allowed.
2) You are not responsible for his happiness. You can't make him happy, or keep him happy. It's not your job to do that.
3) Equally, it's not his job to make you happy. Only you can do that. And only you can decide what will, in the end, make you happy.
4) Your kids will cope.

candygirl

Some brilliant advice above. It sounds like you've more or less made your decision hun.
Time to make the rest of your life, the best of your life:D
Both hubby n the kids will survive, they'll have no choice

Fire_Fox

Reads as a deeply unhealthy situation.

Threats of self-harm are classic controlling or manipulative behaviour (emotional abuse) as is meanness (financial abuse). Please seek relationship counselling together: this can have any outcome, including separation. An independent professional can support you both whilst you make the right decisions. They are trained not to allow manipulative or abusive behaviour.

If your husband has substance misuse/ addiction issues he needs to take responsibility and seek help for that when he is ready. Again a professional can signpost or guide him, that is not your role whatever he says. Trust your instincts, trust your mental health team, trust your doctor, trust your friends.

(((hugs)))

Fire_Fox

SparklesSuzie wrote: »

Also I feel it was my poor mental health that allowed myself to be treated like a door mat for many years and I should of spoke up before I got to the point I did but I wasn’t strong enough back then.

You were (are) vulnerable. Your husband treated you like a doormat. How is that in any way your fault? How is that in any way loving you?

Mental health issues think for us. Mental health issues speak for us. You are not perfect but you are not to blame.

SparklesSuzie

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies.
I’m finding them of great help & comfort.

Primrose

Suzie. good that you feel more comfortable now you are beginning to have a plan to start moving forward. Take your time. Be kind to yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day and a thoughtful plan slowly but sensibly thought through will give you more sense of stability in the early days and allow you to feel in control.

Don't t allow yourself to be derailed by threats. Once yiur husband sees that these have lost their power of you he will have nothing left in his armoury. Your need to protect your pension pots and future finances is important so try and pick a route that protects financial stability in old age.

Good luck ! I sense you are on your way!

SparklesSuzie

He isn’t interested in protecting pensions. As long as he has money for cigarettes and beer he is happy. He has not saved a penny whilst with me. I’m the opposite and forever trying to save for the future.

Primrose

Another reason then for you to separate and divorce so that you are more in control of your own destiny and can run yiur financial life in the way that best suits you I don,t think you've said whether you are working or not. If you arn't, perhaps thinking about getting job, even a part time one, to build up some pension rights in your own name, would be a longer term investment for the future. This is all about protecting your own financial interests if your husband is happy to fritter his money away on smoking and drinking.

SparklesSuzie

Hi Primrose
Thankyou. Yes I’m working 24hours per week and employers pension scheme is excellent

cjj_2

How’s things going Suzie ?

Are you receiving counselling yet ?