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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
86 replies 31.6K views


  • moneysfabmoneysfab Forumite
    4 posts
    If he's paying 50% of the bills then I assume he's also doing 50% of the housework and childcare. If that's the case then yes you should be using your savings - if he's expecting you to pick up more than 50% of the childcare and bills then he should be paying more than 50% of the bills.
    It must have been a joint decision to have a baby and for you to take time off work.
  • NerolNerol Forumite
    2 posts
    I think most people in my generation who are now deciding to have children do actually do it this way.. All bills including mortgage are split down the middle and each has their own savings.
    I think pooling money is usually something of the past and for the older generation as they got married and then moved in together after marriage but I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that anymore. I had a property myself at 23 years old which was before my husband and I ever even met so I was paying all bills and mortgage myself and putting towards my own savings so it’s something that just carried on that way.
    However My husband and I are now talking about children and we have started putting some money to one side in advance for if we do as stat-mat pay is shocking so we will need some extra savings to cushion the blow of me not being on a full time wage for a year.
    My husband has also already said he will put more into our mortgage and bills whilst I would be off work as he earns more than me which means I could use more of the savings to also not be sat at home whilst on maternity leave... personally i think the husband (if he decides to go to work) should pay more as the woman has carried the child for 9 months and gone through labour.. I think they deserve a year off with the child!!
  • Whilst my husband and I share our finances entirely there is an element of how you practically transfer money on a monthly basis and often a wish to have a bit of your own spending money without comment from the other party. You could split it relative to your income (ie if he earns double what you do, then he contributes double what you do to bills and household running - this includes everything for the kids and future savings) or you could flip it, so that both of your incomes are merged immediately for family spending and you each “take out” a small allowance that you can use for your own personal spending. That way you each have some of your own money but contribute more fairly to the family.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    I'd be saying 'give your notice in today because I'm going back to work next month. Oh - and I hope you have enough money put by to pay your half of the mortgage and bills'.
  • the_joggerthe_jogger Forumite
    11 posts
    Yes, of course. You are a family now and it is all family money. When I had children my wife didn't work until the younger was five. There was no "my money", it was "our money" for our family.
  • eaoeao Forumite
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    I note one reply; 'decide about this before conception', why not decide it during conception when the mum-t0-be would initiate a short pause and express her opinion quite strongly,!!
    On the other hand we have a simple straightforward solution; we have a joint account into which the husband pays and not the wife, this ac pays all bills, then the wife has her ac which is solely for her; works well though I know it is not for everyone,
  • pollypennypollypenny Forumite
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    You're a family now. Do things, decide things together.

    Is your husband stashing up big savings? Are they for himself or for you all as a family? Were you intending to keep these savings?
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • jinky9jinky9 Forumite
    12 posts
    Unbelievable that you had to save on your own for a joint decision to have a baby! Pool all income and share it equally with an account for household bills and an agreed allowance for each is surely the way to go. It`s not just the loss of earnings when you are on maternity leave but future earnings lost - are you going to be the only one paying for a joint decision to have a family?
  • thefishmanthefishman Forumite
    1 posts
    I always thought that being in a marriage was creating a partnership in which your share things. My wife and I married 34 years ago and opened a joint bank account. Everything we have ever earned has been shared. I regularly go away with mates and the cost is taken from our joint account. If my wife wants anything she is welcome to pay for it out of the joint account. I just don't get having separate accounts. All it causes is issues like this. It took two of you to create the baby so it should take two of you to finance things. What would happen if either of you lost your job. Would the other shoulder the burden as a true partner would?
  • edited 8 May 2019 at 10:24AM
    NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    edited 8 May 2019 at 10:24AM
    thefishman wrote: »
    I just don't get having separate accounts.

    I think it depends on the couple and how they work.

    When I was married we started off with a joint account. Unfortunately, my ex could, sometimes, because of psychological problems, go on a spending spree. We went overdrawn and this caused difficulties. She didn't want to have to ask my permission to spend money. I didn't want to be asked but, equally, didn't want us to be overdrawn.

    The solution for us, which worked very well, was to both pay into a "bills account" and then have our own separate spending money. It cleared up all the issues. I suspect I had more to spend but I, also, put more into the joint account.

    We all, have our own way of doing things and if it works it is all good. What I don't get is the people who (not you thefishman) criticise others for how they manage their finances because it doesn't accord with their own practices
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