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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?

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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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MSE_KelvinMSE_Kelvin MSE Staff
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MSE Staff
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
My husband and I have had a baby - it was planned and I am taking a year off work. I knew my maternity pay would be poor so I saved £23,000 from my own salary to cushion the blow. My husband and I still pay exactly the same towards the mortgage and bills, but I'm now digging deep into my savings. I know I'm having the time off, but it's my husband's baby too - should he be paying more while I'm on maternity leave?

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Replies

  • Comms69Comms69 Forumite
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    Surely if this is an issue having a child is not the best idea.
  • BillTracBillTrac Forumite
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    You saved £23,000 from your salary (I assume while you were married). If you don't want to spend this now what was it saved for? You say the decision to have a baby and for you to take maternity leave was agreed. Why should your husband shoulder more than his 'share' of the mortgage if you saved this £23k to soften the blow of maternity leave?

    Is it a case of you want 'your' £23k just for you (because, of course, you saved it)?

    If this is the case there are further problems ahead....
  • CityOwlCityOwl Forumite
    60 posts
    We pooled our money when we married over 26 years ago, so this has never been an issue for us. We both earned roughly the same amount, but this changed dramatically after 5 years of being a stay at home mum and 3 children. I first returned to work part-time, then term-time and finally full-time when all the children were at secondary school.

    There is no mine and yours, everything is ours and we decide how to spend it. The children are ours and maternity leave is not a holiday.

    However, you both have to be happy with whatever arrangement you decide upon, so it may be time to have a good chat about how you feel. Maybe you can both agree a new way forward.
    "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

    Charles Dickens
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    If the baby was planned - as you say it was - surely finances would have been discussed before now...
  • kazwookiekazwookie Forumite
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    Go back to work and get your OH to be the stay at home parent, then see what they say.
    :) Sun, Sea :)

  • Claddagh_NoirCladdagh_Noir Forumite
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    This should have been discussed way before conception! :eek::eek:

    NEXT!!!
  • onwards&upwardsonwards&upwards Forumite
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    Married and raising a child together, but splitting the bills like flatmates.

    Just crazy.
  • calleywcalleyw Forumite
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    Married and raising a child together, but splitting the bills like flatmates.

    Just crazy.


    There are lots of couples like that with and without children. I knew of a couple with kids and each paid different bills.



    And then you get the couples who think that because they keep finances separate, think that when one of the couple no longer has an income that their income should not be counted towards benefits. And say why should keep their partner?


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
  • Firstly, congratulations.
    It was sensible to save money knowing that you'd be on limited income and all the extra spend a new child will bring. Did he also save money in the same way?
    That being said, in think it's very unreasonable to expect everything to continue to be split down the middle in this way. Does that mean that should one of you be unemployed for some reason that you are expected to go into debt to fulfill your half of the bills? It just doesn't make sense.
    I think that a conversation needs to be had on how the money is dealt with, as otherwise it could cause real issues later. Marriage is an equal partnership, helping one another out and maintaining balance, not treating it like a contractual agreement.
  • edited 7 May 2019 at 9:20PM
    problemcashbackproblemcashback Forumite
    269 posts
    edited 7 May 2019 at 9:20PM
    If this is a problem now just wait until one of you loses your job and the other is earning just over the benefit threshold and you get nothing after the first 6 months even if you have paid taxes for decades.

    Having to go cap in hand to your partner for any money to spend on yourself, prescriptions, eye tests.

    Glad we went with one bucket of money and have financial sense or it would be a total nightmare with only one of us working.

    Sad thing is there are to many in relationships in cases like this where it’s not straightforward and partners end up going without as the other one simply won’t help out.

    The benefit system is a mess especially for a situation like the one I described above but start out like you are and it will only get messy for you.
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