Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?

dadsgoneshopping

I find these kind of discussions odd. Marriage is just about the biggest commitment you can make in life. You have agreed to share everything, whats yours is his and his yours etc.

My wife and I have seperate bank accounts but ALL of the money is ours; not mine, not hers. It doesn't matter who earns what or puts in the most, From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs.

ddraycott

Seriously - you got married but didn't agree to share your finances? We have our own bank accounts and a joint one which all the bills come out of. Each month we both keep a fixed amount in our own accounts for some personally spending(the same for both of us regardless of wages) and EVERYTHING else goes straight into the joint account.
Marriage and relationships are based on trust and respect, which includes sharing and working together to support each other through the good times as well as the difficult ones - its a two way thing not a mine and yours.

moonjooce

My husband and I split our income accordingly. He earns more than me. We transfer all but a fixed amount (£300 each) into a joint account. The bills all come out of the joint account, any leftover at the end of the month goes into savings. The £300 each we are left with is our spending money to do with as we please. Sometimes we spend it, sometimes we throw a bit extra into savings, that's up to us as individuals. We are also having a baby soon and have saved up a bit for maternity. We will still do bills in the same way. We'll each be left with £300 spending money, though I will put less into the joint account whilst off work. I will have spent 9 (pretty miserable tbh) months growing a human and have been very very ill as a result. There's not much I can do about earning less whilst I will be on maternity and its a joint family decision to have kids so therefore we both input what we can afford. If that means I only input £100 a month to the joint account whilst I'm not working then that's what will happen - we have JOINT savings if we get short.

RockTheShack

of course he should! sit down together and work out the cost of hiring a full time nanny to do everything you're doing at the moment, that might help him understand the value you're contributing to your family while on maternity leave.

kiwi77

I thought that perhaps sharing the way we dealt with finances during my maternity leave might help - our arrangements were different from yours, though, in so much as we have always joined all our finances into one account and each taking out a monthly pocket money allowance for ourselves to do what we want with (shoes for me, the pub/darts for him!). This continued right through maternity leave - all my earnings (maternity pay) kept being put into the main account for all expenses. We both kept the same 'slush fund' in our own account to have a little financial autonomy... just because I was not bringing in the same earnings didn't mean I was not contributing equally to the household - it was just in a different way. We found that as we were already running things this way, my maternity leave didn't really make much difference - we just cut our cloth accordingly.

I strongly recommend you have a conversation with your husband/child's father about setting up such an arrangement - you are a family now, the child is equally yours ... to run your finances as if you are temporary flatmates only seeks to undermine your own financial stability. A financially unstable household is not the best environment to bring up a child .... circumstances change (eg perhaps one day your partner might be made redundant - you would not then expect him to pay the same amount to household costs ... you are equal partners in the household benefitting equally and wouldn't make him go without just because he wasn't earning, right?). This approach is really beneficial for so many reasons ... things like paying for childcare. it avoids a conversation around who pays for it .... it's a household cost (just like the gas/Council Tax that needs to be paid which comes out of the household account - which if funded by BOTH parents because the child is BOTH of yours.
You need to be able to have an honest conversation with your husband about what the best way to manage your finances is to ensure equitable financial stability for you as individuals and as a family. Your being on maternity leave should not penalise you ... you might just find bringing your finances (no matter whether they are very uneven or not) might bring a shared purpose to how you run your home ... you are more of a force working together than doing things your own way/separately.

ButterflyLC

What? Is this an actual dilemma? Surely you enter into a discussion about children before you have them and make a decision about money/mat leave/childcare then? I am the higher earner and I went on maternity leave last year. My husband and I agreed we'd be tight but we would work it out. There was no discussion of my choice to stay off so he could spend all "his" money on whatever he wanted and "my" money was for essentials. It's "our" baby so it's "our" money. What happens when you don't have enough to pay the mortgage or food? Does he still go to the pub with "his" money as its "your" problem?

Also is £23k not enough? I had an extra 1 months salary as a buffer and we were absolutely fine on SMP and my husbands salary. We went out a lot and that buffer lasted until I went back to work.

Caz3206

There's a lot of judgement on other posts which i don't find helpful or fair.

To my mind, funding children is a joint endeavour, much more than other parts of relationships. You need to find a fair and equal balance to your finances so your child is raised how you both want and you don't end up in a resentment filled relationship.

Does your husband know you saved this income from your own salary? I think you've perhaps been making a few too many isolated financial decisions with regard your child. I would have discussed my saving plan with the father before starting. He may have contributed.

Now that you're in this position, I would definitely discuss what you did, why, and the impact it's having on your life.

I hope you can find a solution that works for your family. You'll learn a lot by having this chat.

Doodles

I am at a loss to understand why you alone had to save money to cushion the blow to loss of earnings. You are husband and wife, and planned the baby. You both should have saved money.

Feels to me like you just went from a practical thought process of putting money away to buffer the loss of earnings, but its now that the emotional side of it comes into it where you step and think what has your husband has contributed to help.

Given the £23K is there, use it as you need but I think you and your hubby needs to be on the same page with finances going forward.

phil1edinburgh

Older generations had the husband as the 'bread earner" and the wife as a 'home maker'. Times are different and having separate finances with a joint account to pay household bills is common - but when deciding to have a baby the financial division should have been changed and husband paid more into the bills. I worry about who buys the things baby needs - you?

elainel

We would all expect our husbands / partners to support us if req, paying more towards bills or a financial 'top up' when needed...however....saving £23000 while still shelling out on life means you both earn big. Perhaps better financial planing is needed, and a discussion about this earlier would have been better! Surely you must have realised things would be tougher when bringing up a baby.
Ps- what did you save the £23000 for if your now not happy to spend it!