Husband kept Debt a secret

gettingtheresometime

As I said my amounts were MUCH MUCH higher than your Oh's and I won't lie it did take a long time before he trusted me again but I've changed so much so it's me that's the skint flint now (not saying you are though lol).

lauretta

I disagree with the posters who have criticised OP for including her mother in discussions about the debt. As I understand it from what OP has said, her mother has been subsidising both of them financially for 5 years; also, these debts have been run up at her address. If she is both ill and entering her senior years where she may need to apply for benefits, I would think it essential that she be informed if a bad credit rating could be applied to her home. I might add, the lying about the debts does also include her mother, in the matter of broken trust. Mum has been providing husband with a roof over his head and financial benefits - would she have entered into this agreement, if she had known it would be abused by him?
Sorry to go against the flow, but I also agree with OP about taking this seriously, and not being casual about this "only" being debts of less than 2k. As we are all aware, people who lie about debts initially only admit to a portion of them: there may be MUCH more to emerge! OP has also mentioned husband has previous form in getting into trouble with payday loans. It all suggests he has a vastly different (I would say irresponsible) approach to money than her. It will be far better for OP if she does exactly what she is doing, and addresses it promptly.
I applaud you, OP, for being brave and realistic. I doubt he will change his ways.

caprikid1

5 years of living in a house with your mother with one room and you insist you go an speak to her about your issues ?




I am surprised he is still there, could it be you are unapproachable and as stated he was depressed and frustrated. As has been mentioned the debt is not a lot.

calleyw

lauretta wrote: »

I disagree with the posters who have criticised OP for including her mother in discussions about the debt. As I understand it from what OP has said, her mother has been subsidising both of them financially for 5 years; also, these debts have been run up at her address. If she is both ill and entering her senior years where she may need to apply for benefits, I would think it essential that she be informed if a bad credit rating could be applied to her home.

You have no idea what you are talking about. Go back and read the first post.

The OP and her husband took over the bills from her mother. As her mother has had cancer and not worked. "We live with my mother as she has been unable to work due to cancer and needed him financially. We took over her bills and mortgage but she is now mostly recovered and able to get benefits." So it sounds like he has been used, no wonder he spent money on what he wanted.

And bad credit goes against the person not the property.

I feel for the husband on many levels. And the OP has given him what he wanted a way out, by giving him an ultimatum. I know I would not be going back.


Yours


Calley x

p00hsticks

lauretta wrote: »

As I understand it from what OP has said, her mother has been subsidising both of them financially for 5 years;

As I understand it, the opposite is the case - the husband has been supporting the mother. From the intial post ,,,,

RDavies1 wrote: »

We live with my mother as she has been unable to work due to cancer and needed him financially. We took over her bills and mortgage but she is now mostly recovered and able to get benefits.

I suggest you review your comments in light of this

RDavies1

That was meant to say "needed help" not him by the way.
There is no way in this world my husband has been used. We paid £800 together to support my mum and to be honest if we had to rent it would cost us more than that anyway. I agree we need out of my mum's but I can't see a way around it without renting for a while. I only have a part time job as carering for mum. Am waiting on a full time job now in the civil service. At the moment on my wages we can't really afford many houses in our city. So when this bargain came up that we could afford it was a great opportunity. My mother let us stay with her for 5 years just giving a little money for keep basically so we could save for our wedding and mortgage.

Anyway I did reach out and apologised for the whole situation with my mum and the ultimatum and so on. We are going to talk next week but I don't know if there is a future anymore. Sounds like he be better off without me.

gabriel1980

You sound like a bit of a boot. So he overspent - we all do. Probably lied because he knew you'll likely divorce him.

Why is your mum involved in this?! It's between you and him - cut him some slack. If you love the guy you'll get over it.

caprikid1

"Sounds like he be better off without me."


you have gained some great perspective from impartial people don't let this be a negative experience.

lauretta

Quote OP
"But my mother has let us live with her for barely nothing for years to help us out. So I think in turn we should help her out when she is in need. Not that I expect my husband has to Help but am very grateful he has and I do tell him that. It's very difficult living with my mother but that's what we where saving a deposit for so we could get a mortgage and move out."

Now go and troll someone else. I stand by my opinion.

gettingtheresometime

RDavies1 wrote: »

That was meant to say "needed help" not him by the way.
There is no way in this world my husband has been used. We paid £800 together to support my mum and to be honest if we had to rent it would cost us more than that anyway. I agree we need out of my mum's but I can't see a way around it without renting for a while. I only have a part time job as carering for mum. Am waiting on a full time job now in the civil service. At the moment on my wages we can't really afford many houses in our city. So when this bargain came up that we could afford it was a great opportunity. My mother let us stay with her for 5 years just giving a little money for keep basically so we could save for our wedding and mortgage.

Anyway I did reach out and apologised for the whole situation with my mum and the ultimatum and so on. We are going to talk next week but I don't know if there is a future anymore. Sounds like he be better off without me.

Now come on don't throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water.

Yes you were right to be angry. I would be as was my husband.

Look would it be so bad if you rented first? Don't fall into the trap of thinking rent is dead money - in my opinion, we all have to pay to live somewhere whether it be rent, mortgage or nursing home payments. It would get all the relationships back on a normal footing....before we got married we had to go back to living with the parents and we both decided rather than live with one set, we'd live with our respective parents as we knew it just wouldn't work.

Have you spoken to the broker to find out what the deal breaker actually is? Is the debt or the level of deposit? Is it an independent broker or a tied broker?

Also did/has your mum looked into the benefits she could have claimed whilst ill?