Best friend is jealous of my situation

glicky

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think maybe she's frustrated and sad and feeling alone and trapped.
If money's not regular, she might not be sleeping well. Things might be getting on top of her mentally/emotionally ... and maybe she fears for the future.

When you're alone there's a lot of pressure because it's "just you". Everything is down to you. No financial support, no emotional support.

And although work's dropped off, she might be putting in more hours keeping her current clients happy - as well as worrying about where to get new ones from and/or spending a lot of unpaid time pitching.

I think maybe things are just harder for her than you realise. It's not really about the money. It's all the other stuff that she can't vocalise.

Excellent pick-up! :T Everything you have said, she has said.

Oh believe you me, I know it's that, she's told me. That's why I buy her things, treat her, do her books, do whatever I can to help her, type out her leaflets, clean her flat when she's very busy and doesn't have time, offer to go and post the leaftlets. Yes I do know it's that, but the thing is .... WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? Apart from give her money, I can't do anything about it. That's why I feel so guilty about my situation because I know her situation (if you know what I mean). There's things I've paid for that she doesn't even realise.

What can I do though to help her and make her feel better?

scheming_gypsy

simple solution. stamp on both of her wrists, give her a right good kicking and punch her constantly in her kidneys. When she's in plenty of pain ask her if she'd be happy to feel like that for the rest of her life as long as she's getting paid for it.


she'll soon change her mind when she realises what you're sacrificing for the 'free loading'.

glicky

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

simple solution. stamp on both of her wrists, give her a right good kicking and punch her constantly in her kidneys. When she's in plenty of pain ask her if she'd be happy to feel like that for the rest of her life as long as she's getting paid for it.


she'll soon change her mind when she realises what you're sacrificing for the 'free loading'.

I can see where you are coming from.

nopot2pin

glicky wrote: »

Because when she's not being a moody b!atch (which I must admit is getting more and more, which I think and hope is due to the menopause :rolleyes: ), she's a nice girl and there lies my problem!

Difficult one.... In every other part of our lives we clear out the stuff that no longer makes us feel good, we have no use for, or is past it.... It is so much more difficult to do this with someone we have known for 30 years.

I have a "friend" whom I have known for 20-25 years who's comments used to be very cutting. I used to feel quite upset by these comments on a regular basis.

Then one day, after I came off the phone to her.... I thought to myself... I would not be treated like this by a stranger, so why am I taking this sort of treatment from someone I know.

I, too, struggled with the "known her for years" dilema... and should I "cut her loose" scenario.
But I didn't cut her loose......... what I did do, was started speaking to her the exact way she spoke to me... cutting comments, condesending tone and all. And I have to say...for the last 6 months, since I started doing this, she appears to have really changed her attitude. I no longer dread to see, or speak to her.... In fact... spent a good 50 minutes on the phone earlier tonight to her.

Good Luck

ceridwen

Well thats the choices then I guess (from what others have said):

1. Take the view that "with friends like that who needs enemies" and forget her.

2. Turn the tables back on her and treat her as she treats you.

3. Explain to her what effect "her other half" is having on you (ie the Jekyll and Hyde Effect) and say it has to stop (and mean it!!) or thats the end of the friendship, as her "other half" is dragging you down.

What I am wondering is why you feel the need to "buy her friendship" - as thats how its coming over to me. You treat her pretty frequently by the sound of it - that when she earns more income than you do. Why do you do this? Does she "treat" you back (or is it just oneway)?

Maybe you could write yourself a list out - on one side what positive things you get from this relationship and on the other side what positive things she gets from this relationship. Further down this list - reverse the list and put what negative things you get from this relationship and what negative things she gets from this relationship.

A teensy thing that puzzles me is why you mention you are "straight". I would have taken that absolutely as read - unless you had made a point of stating otherwise. Why did it feel necessary to say that? Is it the case that you are "straight" - but she isnt - is that why you said that.

Certainly the thought never ever crosses my mind to wonder about someones sexuality - I automatically assume its directed onto the opposite sex unless they tell me otherwise - and its totally their own business whichever way things are.

Is the real problem with your friend that she isnt "straight" and envies you because you are? (This is in no way a condemnation of anyone - people are what they are in that respect - but I had a friend years ago who was as open with me about her (lesbian) lifestyle, as I was with her about my (heterosexual) lifestyle - and I could see that my life was a lot easier than hers in many ways because I am more conventional).

January20

Do you have other friends? You speak to this person every day and you have an roast together once a week. It seems to me like a very intense -dare I sa suffocating?- relationship.

I agree with ceridwen about the money issue. I can't help feeling a little uneasy when you say how much you do (clean her flat?) and how much you give her financially! Please please don't be offended but this strikes me as a rather weird friendship.

Fritha_2

I was pointed at this website by a friend, it's a beautiful way of describing what it's like to live with any debilitating illness and might help your friend see that it's really not that easy for you.

Hope things start to get a little easier for both of you.

jinky67

definately sounds like a bit of an uneven friendship.she jealous and resentful I dont think I would describe some-one like that a friend

jockettuk

ive read the op's story but ive not read all the replies but heres my tuppence worth

I was in a similar situation went onto benefits when my marriage ended.. got all the usual coments but i got more hurtful comments when i met my partner, he gave me a better quality of life others didnt like it. when we decided to move in together we decided to move away from both our areas and go into themiddle of them both i got lots of nasty snidy comments from so called good friends.

a year on and im happy and i no longer have these so called friends because i stopped making the effort to be nice to them and eventually we just stopped communicating.. I didnt like what was being said so i told them so and just stopped texing them emailing them or calling them every time they said something snidy and eventually the times in between the contact got longer and longer and now i would consider them someone i used to know..

rose

Gingham_Ribbon

Fritha wrote: »

I was pointed at this website by a friend, .

Fantastic story. Thanks. I wish I'd seen it when I was ill.

I lost friends when I got ill. Some of them tried to pick up where they left off once I got better but I was the one who didn't want to know then. Life is short. I choose to spend it with people who give me what I give them - support, loyalty, compassion. I thought I wasn't going to meet new friends, but I did. And this time I chose more wisely. And the ones who had stuck around are all the closer for it too.

Being jealous of a sick person is a sickness in itself. I feel sorry for her. But it's her problem, not yours. If she won't understand and is still causing you pain, you need to make a choice to live with it or move on.