Best friend is jealous of my situation

Chollita

And a further thought, would you be allowed to do some voluntary work?

glicky

Chollita wrote: »

Why is she hard up when she doesn't have to pay mortgage or rent? Maybe the next time she starts on at you, you should smile and suggest that if she is finding it so tough financially, she can get some great advice at moneysavingexpert.com ...

:rotfl:

She's self-employed and work is a bit slow at the moment. It's very erratic, one week she can be busy, the next it's dead, so it's not a guaranteed income. I do her books for her and I know she has more money than I do :rolleyes:
but you cannot argue with her. She just goes crazy if you answer her back and she doesn't like the answer. Sometimes she's like two different people.

glicky

Chollita wrote: »

And a further thought, would you be allowed to do some voluntary work?

I can, but I'm not allowed to use my hands to do anything, so that really doesn't leave me much does it? I'd love to be able to do something, just for some reason to get up in the morning. There's only so much tennis I can watch on Sky. Tennis is my passion and she gets !!!!!! off about that too - saying that all I do all day is watch tennis :rolleyes:

Yes, I know it sounds hell, but then sometimes she can be an :A and I don't know where the hell I am.

pboae

You have *nothing* to be feeling guilty about. Your disability is not your fault, and it sounds like you have been a good friend to her.

What would happen if every time she started up on it you just said something like, 'I've told you before how hurtful it is when you speak to me like this' or 'I've asked you not to speak to me like that before' and just walked away from her. Let her rant and rave if she wants to, but you don't have to listen to it. No-one is obliged to take that sort of cr*p off other people, especially off someone who is supposed to be a friend.

Chollita

glicky wrote: »

:rotfl:

She's self-employed and work is a bit slow at the moment. It's very erratic, one week she can be busy, the next it's dead, so it's not a guaranteed income. I do her books for her and I know she has more money than I do :rolleyes:
but you cannot argue with her. She just goes crazy if you answer her back and she doesn't like the answer. Sometimes she's like two different people.

She's a lot better off than many, with a house paid for.

Has this happened more recently, or has she always been like this? I would suggest looking back and seeing what her behaviour was like in the past, if there were any incidents you've forgotten or ignored.

Frankly, she sounds manipulative, though, and it doesn't seem that she is enhancing your life. So what if she is great sometimes, she doesn't have the right to criticise and cause you stress.

A true friend will be honest, but never make you feel bad.

Going back to voluntary work, could you do something like helping kids read in school?

glicky

Well .. we usually speak everyday and we haven't called each other tonight. She usually comes round for a roast meal on Saturday evening and we watch X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing, but I'm not going to phone her. I got off the phone rather abruptly last night when she went into resentment mode, but before that I did say to her that it's hurtful when she says these things and as I said, she said "that's tough, all you do is think about yourself"!

I must admit you are making me feel better - thank you.

PasturesNew

I think maybe she's frustrated and sad and feeling alone and trapped.
If money's not regular, she might not be sleeping well. Things might be getting on top of her mentally/emotionally ... and maybe she fears for the future.

When you're alone there's a lot of pressure because it's "just you". Everything is down to you. No financial support, no emotional support.

And although work's dropped off, she might be putting in more hours keeping her current clients happy - as well as worrying about where to get new ones from and/or spending a lot of unpaid time pitching.

I think maybe things are just harder for her than you realise. It's not really about the money. It's all the other stuff that she can't vocalise.

Chollita

Well if that's her attitude, why waste any more time on her?

Besides, she sounds like the selfish one.

The most important thing is to look after yourself. I honestly doubt you will get anywhere with this one, so it comes down to the decision between do you put up with her knowing she isn't going to change, or do you cut your losses?

Chollita

You're a lot more charitable than I am, Pastures!

Alexandria

I once had to deal with a negative person who was incredibly critical of me, this being my mum I couldn't cut her loose so my then-counsellor agve me an excellent tip.
Everytime she started on I started to respond "I chose not to deal with your behaviour at this point" or words to that affect but being clear that its not a discussion ro a debate and that you will simply sit quietly ignoring her until she behaves appropriately again.
It shocked mum at first but did make her start to think about the affect her words had on me and now things are much better.
Perhaps you could have a chat with your friend and explain that you know she doesn't wish to hurt you but her words are upsetting, if she continues to say these things use the above sentence as she then knows exactly when she is doing it. Also its about you taking the control back for yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt by her misplaced bitterness.