Grandchildren?

cheeky-peach

My sister and I don't have children yet, both in our 30's so time is ticking... when I met my husband who has a 10 year old, my mother automatically jumped on the grandmother bandwagon and went into major fuss and spoil mode. We see DSD twice a month at most and my mother sees her every other month if that but she's keen to get involved as much as she can. It really upset me though at Christmas when it came to buying gifts and my mum spent a lot of money on something that DSD will hardly get to use. Her reason was "Well she's all I've got." It made me feel a failure for not producing children yet.

Mary_Bing

Frankly speaking, I'm not to passionate with this idea

REJP

Make a will leaving it to Salvation Army or a reputable Cancer charity.
Make sure you have an executor who will make sure valuables and furniture realise good value to help people in need.
I have two grandchildren and two great-grandchildren who are delightful. I have put money in trust for them, and made a will ensuring my valuables go to my children first, then to a reputable charity for stuff not useful to them. Remember one man's trash is another person's treasure.

[Deleted User]

Even with children i wonder what will happen to my ‘family heirlooms’ as they don’t like old fashioned stuff and are not sentimental like me. I keep hoping for an announcement that there is a grandchild on the way but would never dream of hinting/putting pressure on either of my children. I take pleasure in hearing about their travels which is their focus at the moment.

Morbier

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't particularly like kids. I love my own son and he was planned and wanted (and I'm sure if grandchildren came along I would love them),but don't particularly like other peoples' offspring and get bored to tears when my friends start showing me endless photos of their grandchildren. My face aches with forcing a smile!

I agree grandchildren are less demanding than your own kids, but they would just be more people to worry about.

Ditto. My own situation exactly. Yes, I know it sounds awful to say you don't like other people's children, but there you are, neither do I. My son is partner to a lovely lady who already had 2 children from a previous marriage and doesn't want any more. These 2 children were teenagers when my son and his partner met, so I hardly got to know them. Don't feel as though I've missed out on anything at all.

Even my mum (who I loved dearly) said she never felt very maternal!

Anyone seen that Ariel pods advert? The one where they always end with the words "keep away from children". My partner and I always reply "we always do". :rotfl:

humptydumptybits

Gloria_Steeth wrote: »

That must have been really awkward for you and taken all the pleasure out of your pregnancy announcement, Humptydumptybits.

I must apologise for joking about the plate-smashing earlier: had wrongly assumed that your MIL's extreme reaction was down to sheer excitement, as you'd mentioned further upthread that your husband is an only child and she was obsessed about a grandchild.

Oh no don't worry, you didn't upset me. In fact MIL didn't upset me, I got a dirty look off DH, who was annoyed, as I just found it so ridiculous that I started laughing. I was well used to her by then, she could never remember my name so I was always referred to as "That girl." until the infamous day when I became "it" which was the point when my husband very nearly went nuclear. She did behave for a little while after that.


She was her own worst enemy, I think she really wanted to be loved but she couldn't maintain a normal relationship with anyone. I think I'm succeeding as a MIL as I just do the opposite to what my MIL would have done.

humptydumptybits

cheeky-peach wrote: »

My sister and I don't have children yet, both in our 30's so time is ticking... when I met my husband who has a 10 year old, my mother automatically jumped on the grandmother bandwagon and went into major fuss and spoil mode. We see DSD twice a month at most and my mother sees her every other month if that but she's keen to get involved as much as she can. It really upset me though at Christmas when it came to buying gifts and my mum spent a lot of money on something that DSD will hardly get to use. Her reason was "Well she's all I've got." It made me feel a failure for not producing children yet.

She probably didn't mean to hurt you. My husband loves having GC as it is an excuse to buy toys. When the two oldest stopped wanting toys, preferring computer games, he used to look longingly at toys so was delighted when number 3 came along. When we didn't have GC he came into contact with a family through his work, they were struggling financially and for years he used to buy toys for their children and go round on Christmas Eve with a pile. I'm sure they enjoyed them but he definitely did. I don't think he meant it as a criticism of our children. Your mother might just want an excuse to do something similar and it might be toys or pretty dresses for a little girl or whatever.

thorsoak

humptydumptybits wrote: »

She probably didn't mean to hurt you. My husband loves having GC as it is an excuse to buy toys. When the two oldest stopped wanting toys, preferring computer games, he used to look longingly at toys so was delighted when number 3 came along. When we didn't have GC he came into contact with a family through his work, they were struggling financially and for years he used to buy toys for their children and go round on Christmas Eve with a pile. I'm sure they enjoyed them but he definitely did. I don't think he meant it as a criticism of our children. Your mother might just want an excuse to do something similar and it might be toys or pretty dresses for a little girl or whatever.

My parents had friends who were rather elderly and who rarely came visiting - but every Guy Fawkes night they turned up - with the biggest box of fireworks in the area! They loved the fireworks, the bonfire, the jacket potatoes - everything! They thanked us profusely every time - but we should have been thanking them for their generosity! :-D

gloriouslyhappy

goodwithsaving wrote: »

My mother would like grandchildren, and often mentions it but I find it really hurtful. She always mentions that I won't get any inheritance if I don't have children because 'there is no point'.
A family friend noted of her daughter having a baby, 'she has finally fulfilled her purpose and come to respect me as a mother'.
That made me feel like a useless failure of a woman if I am honest.

Shades of 'The Handmaid's Tale' or what!! "Finally fulfilled her purpose"???? Good grief, I feel both sad and outraged reading that. "No point leaving you an inheritance as you don't have children"? Did your mother only have children in order to have grandchildren? Goodwithsaving, I think both the family friend and your mother are the ones who ought to feel failures having those sorts of attitudes - please don't allow their poor reactions to affect you..

humptydumptybits

thorsoak wrote: »

My parents had friends who were rather elderly and who rarely came visiting - but every Guy Fawkes night they turned up - with the biggest box of fireworks in the area! They loved the fireworks, the bonfire, the jacket potatoes - everything! They thanked us profusely every time - but we should have been thanking them for their generosity! :-D

Oh I forgot the fireworks, my husband loves them. We live on the coast and I end up getting dragged to the regatta fireworks in several towns, the carnival fireworks in several towns and of course there is 5th November. I seem to go to fireworks most weeks in July and August. We "borrow" the GC to take if we can but go just the two of us to many of them. I'm not sure he will ever grow up.