Grandchildren?

thorsoak

I have four children, one living in USA - her children are now aged 21 and 19 - both at university - one in Seattle, and the other in San Fransisco. I love them dearly and see them once a year and we have a great relationship - they are funny, loving and we get on like a house on fire! No 1 son has two children - one living in Eire - aged 16 and I really do not know this lad at all - I try and keep in touch with him but it is very one sided. The 8 year old lives very close and we have a lovely relationship. Three more grandchildren live on the Isle of Man and again, I have a great long distance relationship with them - which becomes even better as they become old enough to share a "ladies who lunch" lunch.

Now comes the interesting bit......I now have two more grandchildren twin granddaughters born last year - and it is quite possible that they will be moving very near me - and, for the first time, I will be having more day to day contact with my grandchildren. I have made it clear that I do not see myself as a granny nanny and I shall continue in the role I have developed over the past 20 years - anarchic granny who believes in asking the awkward questions, who encourages them to ask awkward questions and who tells them outrageous stories about their parents' antics when they were growing up! I'm looking forward to the growing relationships with all of them - from introducing the older ones to jazz and even more rock n'roll, theatre and books and poetry; they've all been taken to see the Nutcracker Suite at Christmas.I introduced the American league to Captain Underpants - to the horror of their very strait-laced teacher - right down to teaching the babies the nursery rhymes and songs of my childhood!

spirit

This is a very interesting thread. Thank you SDW for starting it, there are some very interesting replies.


I have 2 adult children. DS never wants children, DD has 1 who is coming up 15 months old.


I moved quite some distance away to be near them. They live 5 mins drive away. When I first moved here, I saw quite a lot of them then. This was before GS was born.


soon as he was born I seemed to have been dropped. No one has said or done anything wrong. Son in law is quite a bit older than DD and I think it's about GS is the child he never thought he'd have. So typically SIL does most of the childcare when not at work - through choice. He pushes the pram when out, changes nappies etc. It's fair to say he's quite a controlling person generally, DD is laid back and lets him.


so I've never babysat GS despite asking to. I get invited round for a cup of tea and to see the boy - about 2-3 times a month I'd say. Maybe they are both still in the baby bubble 15 months on ((shrugs))


So anyway, I have an opportunity to move away to be near my sister and in a location I really want to be in. Where I am now I'm quite isolated. I work from home so don't see anyone. the neighbours are lovely, but you don't really socialise with them that often do you. I can't go out walking here as who wants to walk round busy roads. If I move, I can be near or very close to the sea and would happily walk there on my own.


I would miss GS, but there's always Skype I suppose eh!

ariba10

We have two children, five Grandchildren, three Great Grandchildren.

Love them to bits but next time around we are going straight to Grandchildren.

They are more fun.

(You can spoil them rotten then give them back.)

Keep_pedalling

Why does your husband think children only become interesting when they reach 10 years old?

seven-day-weekend

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Why does your husband think children only become interesting when they reach 10 years old?

Younger than that. He likes to show and teach them things, and do interesting things with them and you can't do that with little children. I feel the same.

humptydumptybits

I have 4 children, all grown up, and half a dozen grandchildren from teenagers down to toddlers. I love them all to bits. Some live within walking distance and my house is a second home, some live further away and my house is their holiday home (we live within walking distance of a beach.) There is nothing in the world that brings me more joy than a little pair of arms round my neck and a big kiss or a GS now looking down at me and having to bend to give me a hug.


I'm surprised that you think you can't do interesting things with little ones, everything is such a wonder with little ones and you can see it all again through their eyes. As for teaching them well never do we learn like little children, you start learning a foreign language today and in 3 years you meet up with a child born today from that country and he will run rings round you. You try learning a complicated physical skill that would rival the change from a baby who can't even roll over to a toddler who can jump, run, skip and climb. They are a marvel.


I'd be alot better off financially if I hadn't had children, or only had one, and no grandchildren but there is so much more to life than money.


As to 3 year olds telling adults what to do well that is down to the adults not the child, shame on them.

System

Well my mum knows she wont be getting any from me, i have pointed out she has 3 normal kids who will most likely have kids, but then she tells me i'm the only one of 4 whos ever had a serious relationship :rotfl: she reckons she'll be dead by the time my siblings end up having kids

all joking aside i think she'd enjoy being a grandparent but as two of my siblings still live at home shes more focused on that than grandkids at this point.

goodwithsaving

My mother would like grandchildren, and often mentions it but I find it really hurtful. She always mentions that I won't get any inheritance if I don't have children because 'there is no point'. I'm fine if I don't inherit anything, it isn't about that, but it's more the insensitivity around the issue. Particularly when she knows I find it hard when friends announce pregnancies (I am of course happy for them).
I would love children and I often feel down that it probably won't happen given I'm in my 30s and single. That isn't my fault. The things she says feel like unpleasant things to say because to be honest, I don't know if I could afford children or even before all of that, I don't know if I can even get pregnant.

A family friend noted of her daughter having a baby, 'she has finally fulfilled her purpose and come to respect me as a mother'.
That made me feel like a useless failure of a woman if I am honest.

The whole grandchildren topic is something I try to avoid because frankly, it is none of their business. People forget that children are a gift, not a right.

happyandcontented

I have no grandchildren and I am not sure if it will ever happen. I am fine with that because I would not like to have to compromise my retirement options to become a hands-on grandparent. However, I know my DH would love them, he loves children, especially when they are walking and talking.

I see friends who had great travel plans for retirement but who now can't go to Tesco without an entourage in tow! And the endless baby pictures are so boring!

Until recently, I would have said it didn't seem at all likely to happen but one son seems now to be in a serious relationship and I know his GF would like children, so maybe it is a possibility! I would never ask them their plans or say I/DH would love to be grandparents though, that is intrusive.

seven-day-weekend

humptydumptybits wrote: »

I have 4 children, all grown up, and half a dozen grandchildren from teenagers down to toddlers. I love them all to bits. Some live within walking distance and my house is a second home, some live further away and my house is their holiday home (we live within walking distance of a beach.) There is nothing in the world that brings me more joy than a little pair of arms round my neck and a big kiss or a GS now looking down at me and having to bend to give me a hug.


I'm surprised that you think you can't do interesting things with little ones, everything is such a wonder with little ones and you can see it all again through their eyes. As for teaching them well never do we learn like little children, you start learning a foreign language today and in 3 years you meet up with a child born today from that country and he will run rings round you. You try learning a complicated physical skill that would rival the change from a baby who can't even roll over to a toddler who can jump, run, skip and climb. They are a marvel.


I'd be alot better off financially if I hadn't had children, or only had one, and no grandchildren but there is so much more to life than money.


As to 3 year olds telling adults what to do well that is down to the adults not the child, shame on them.

I am glad you enjoy your grandchildren so much.

You do sound a tad judgemental towards those of us in different circumstances or who made a different choice. Financial aspects played no part in our decision to have one child - however it is sensible to take such things into consideration if you are already having trouble making ends meet - and afaik it plays little part in our son's and his partner's decision to have no children (although they have not discussed it with me in depth, and why should they, it is none of my business). There are endless reasons why someone might make this decision.

I am sure we would love any grandchildren if they did happen to come along.