Buffy's 30 Month Plan

Buffythedebtslayer

Pooky wrote: »

Morning!

I'm quite happy to walk 10k but run it? Are you mad? Is someone forcing you? Blink twice for yes!!

Hope you feel better x

oo how freaky, I thought of you whilst I was editing my post!

I just remembered a number of years ago that I felt really free when I went running.

And I do need more "escape time"

XX

doingitanyway

Hello Buffy, the exercise sounds like a great idea. Great for mild to moderate depression
Also admitting you need help with the garden is great too. Better to get it done than beat yourself up about it. Have a good day.

Buffythedebtslayer

I walked the dogs. feel ropey but honestly need to get the rabbits cleaned out. Amongst other things. Of course it is raining now.

I am still feeling super sad but am think it is hormones. Am mid way through my cycle (!)

Otherwise this feeling is all very irrational.

XX

Pooky

I'm no gardener either, I just have more time than you. And, it's easier because it's my choice to do it, it my space, it's my head clearing thing.

Always hard to do something because you have to, it's not your own personal space and it makes a huge difference.

Have you read up on anything regarding peri menopause? I realised last year that I've been going through this stage for a good 6/7 years now and had I have been more clued up about the change in my hormones I could have done more to help myself. I've done a lot of reading, I've sorted some supplements that suit me and I now feel so much better than I have in years.

Buffythedebtslayer

I think I have always been like this hormone wise, I either get miserable mid cycle or when I am on. My back is killing tho so I might be early?? Who knows!

You are so right when you say that it is not "mine" and that I have to do it. I am not building anything here. I am not settled. I am sick to death of the clutter and having to explain everything. And then whilst she is away having to be at sister's beck and call. And I do understand why obviously. But I don't have choice exactly, not without hurting people I love.

I just want to go to sleep!

I think I might have a nap. XXX

Buffythedebtslayer

I couldn't sleep for love nor money last night and when I did sleep I had a very upsetting dream about a long ago ex, in the dream I was with him and was very happy and then I woke up and cried cos he wasn't there. After that I didn't sleep at all. It freaked me out.

I didn't go to work today, my head was pounding and the lack of sleep and feeling so....I don't know. shakey.

I eventually got up and started cleaning the kitchen, made soup chucked out the tupperware and some old cereal.

I really can't go on like this. I had decided to stay in my job. But I sat and thought this morning.... what if. What if I left at Christmas. What if I left all their ridiculousness behind? I would miss the kids. A lot. When you don't have any of your own the ones you teach are so important. Am I just scared because we have a new boss? Haven't I spent my bloody life in this job thinking I am not good enough? Am I scared of Ofsted? But isn't that in all schools? I think when I know for sure I will KNOW and this doesn't quite feel like that. A dear friend at work has been diagnosed with breast cancer and I don't want to leave her either.

I feel such a mess. Such a huge bloody mess.

XXX

in_need_of_direction

We are all here for you but you also need professional advice. Please go see your doctor

beanielou

Buffy. I am sorry. I have no idea what to say.
Keep plodding xxx

Pooky

You do sound incredibly down at the moment. Hormones are crap aren't they.

The job...you can't stay for other people, you have to stay because it's right for you. Sorry to hear that a friend has had a bad diagnosis but you can be just as supportive outside of work. You're trying to deal with all kinds of family stuff and I really doubt anyone at work would put off moving on with their life just to support you (and I don't mean that in a nasty way, just the way life goes)

You don't like your current life/work situation but unless you change something it's going to carry on as it is, you need to take that step away from the job and see what comes of it.

I was going to write something about showering with strangers too but realised it made no sense on here so I won't

Honeysucklelou2

Is working part time an option, even if a temporary one? You would still have contact with your students but perhaps a bit more time for you, particularly if you aren't getting a full weekend due to the need to support family.