Buffy's 30 Month Plan

Buffythedebtslayer

I feel like I need something to get my teeth into. A new goal. Some thing that can be done in the next 6 months to get me over the (yes I know it is pathetic, but I need to own it) the heartbreak.

I did think it would be the house but I am so bloody tired tonight. so in the evenings it is no go. Also with Mum it never lasts. so now after over ten years of doing it it feels so pointless.

XX

System

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I feel like I need something to get my teeth into. A new goal. Some thing that can be done in the next 6 months to get me over the (yes I know it is pathetic, but I need to own it) the heartbreak.

Hi Buffy. I've read your whole thread, and this last bit sounds so familiar, so I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

It doesn't seem to change much when we remind ourselves that we're being pathetic, it still hurts. So I shall be your also-pathetic, also-heartbroken sister through the internet and offer you a virtual hug.

I'm also looking about for something to distract me and to focus on so that I can stop wallowing. I really wish you all the best in finding your new distraction.

Sun_Addict

I'm glad your mum got to go away

I'm sorry the dates haven't been working out Maybe if you stop trying so hard Mr Right will come along, I hope so xx I don't know what else to say really, I wish I had something more constructive to suggest.

Like you say you need something to get your teeth into.

Buffythedebtslayer

Atypi_Gal wrote: »

Hi Buffy. I've read your whole thread, and this last bit sounds so familiar, so I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

It doesn't seem to change much when we remind ourselves that we're being pathetic, it still hurts. So I shall be your also-pathetic, also-heartbroken sister through the internet and offer you a virtual hug.

I'm also looking about for something to distract me and to focus on so that I can stop wallowing. I really wish you all the best in finding your new distraction.

Thank you Atypi-Gal XXX Appreciate it. Good luck in your quest as well XXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Sun_Addict wrote: »

I'm glad your mum got to go away

I'm sorry the dates haven't been working out Maybe if you stop trying so hard Mr Right will come along, I hope so xx I don't know what else to say really, I wish I had something more constructive to suggest.

Like you say you need something to get your teeth into.

thanks SA XXXX I think I will take a break. XX

RosaBernicia

glad you are getting a bit of a break Buffster, but sorry you are feeling down - virtual hugs from me too.



Also can I just say Atypi Gal your username is awesome!




Rosa xx

crazy_cat_lady

:kiss:
I could almost have written your post myself Buffy. I feel desperately lonely but I'm not ready within myself to start taking risks and try and step out of my comfort zone whilst court continues to drag on and on. My self esteem is non existent and it's hard having not other adult company about (although none is still better than toxic).
Lots of love

Buffythedebtslayer

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

:kiss:
I could almost have written your post myself Buffy. I feel desperately lonely but I'm not ready within myself to start taking risks and try and step out of my comfort zone whilst court continues to drag on and on. My self esteem is non existent and it's hard having not other adult company about (although none is still better than toxic).
Lots of love

It is funny, I read your diary and felt I could have written what you wrote. I know the situations aren't the same but feeling trapped and dragging yourself on only to survive to the same level of small wins and disappointments is wearing. It isn't any one big thing but everything all the time being the same.

Today I went to the high street as I do each week but didn't have to do the shopping as I did it yesterday. And I didn't have run home to do/eat lunch and worry that Mum was hungry and I got this huge surge of relief and happiness and then such a feeling of sadness as it is something anyone should be able to just do with out it being such a stress. the Crush has moved on to a new job and house and I can't see a future for myself. It just looks black.

And I know it isn't rationally. I have a job, I have wonderful wonderful friends, I am not in debt. Really I am lonely and disappointed.

I am going to go to the garden before the sun sets and cut down some of the weeds.

XXXXXXXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning.

Went to bed feeling very positive as have made plans. Woke up feeling awful and depressed but am determined to push on. I want to scream. But won't as it will alarm the neighbours.

But on to my plans.

1. Hen weekend in sept
2. Wedding in October
3. going to stay a few days up north in Nov
4. Dec, Jan, feb - serious savings/training months.
5. Mar run 10km.

Really don't feel well. ugh. XX

A little later - feel a bit better and had cuddles off the more reserved dog. He definitely knows when I need him.

I think the overall plan is still to save to buy a house and save everything as it is clearer and clearer I need my own place.

The secondary plan is fitness which I think will help with my depression and self confidence.

Today I am cleaning all the things.

Wish me luck. At least having the washing machine on and dishwasher on makes me feel like I have achieved something!!

Also the Strimming. Hmm. I am NOT Pooky. Gardening is NOT my thing. I am going to message the gardener and get a quote to clear the back. I cannot do it. So there.

I hope this lumpy crappy feeling goes. I don't want to carry it anymore.

XXX

Pooky

Morning!

I'm quite happy to walk 10k but run it? Are you mad? Is someone forcing you? Blink twice for yes!!

Hope you feel better x